Have No Shame by Melissa Foster

Mr. Bingham’s brother could come into town from Mississippi.
    I wondered what Daddy would do if the tables were turned, and some colored man held the power to make Mama do things she didn’t want to. Would he defend her honor and die in the process? I knew the answer and the thought of losin’ Daddy only made my heart ache even more for Clara.
    The more I thought about the family, and the impendin’ funeral, the more I wanted to attend the service. But I knew that tellin’ them I was sorry for their loss and standin’ with them, without shame, to hear the final words before his body was laid to rest, wouldn’t make up for the loss of his life. Of course, I wouldn’t dare attend. The chance I’d taken that evenin’ with Jackson was ten times worse than anything I’d ever done before, and yet, it didn’t feel one ounce wrong to me.
    A knock on my door brought my thoughts back home.
    “Come in.”
    My door pushed open and Mama stood in the hallway. She glanced toward the stairs, and then slipped inside, closin’ the door behind her.
    “Hi, honey,” she said, and perched herself on the edge of Maggie’s bed, her hands folded in her lap. I sat up, smoothed my skirt, and crossed my ankles, as she did.
    “Hi, Mama. I’m sorry I missed dinner.”
    She shook her head. “That’s okay. I’m not here about that.”
    She adjusted herself on Maggie’s bed, then came to sit beside me. She took my hand, and I knew for sure I was in trouble.
    “Honey,” she began, “you know I’d never go against your father’s beliefs if it wasn’t very important, right?”
    I nodded, afraid to breathe. She’d let me in on her secret, now what? She began rubbin’ the back of my hand.
    “Well, you know I love your father, no matter what I tell you, right?”
    I nodded again, wantin’ to shove my fingers in my ears and yell, Na na na na na, I can’t hear you! Even though I was enjoyin’ the secret between us, I sorta wanted to keep the image of my mama as I’d always seen her, as a woman with no secrets. Learnin’ her secrets put me in a place of keepin’ more secrets from Daddy. Although it was gettin’ easier to do, I found doin’ it a bit scary, like I was drivin’ a wedge between us.
    She dropped my hand and lifted my chin with her finger, lookin’ deep into my eyes. “I shouldn’t have brought you with me this mornin’. I was upset. It was wrong.” She took a deep breath, then continued. “The thought of that sweet boy bein’ beaten—” She turned away.
    I wrapped my right hand in my left, excited and nervous about this newly forged relationship that was growin’ between us.
    “Does Daddy know how you feel?”
    She looked at me again, and shook her head.
    So many questions rattled around in my head, I didn’t know where to start. Talkin’ to Jackson gave me strength. He had been just as relieved to get his anger off his chest as I’d been to talk about what I’d been feelin’. I took a deep breath, sat up straight, and asked Mama if she’d brought the woman things before.
    “No. There was no need.” Her eyebrows drew together. “Until now.”
    “Who is she?” I asked.
    “She’s Albert’s mother. Millie Johns.”
    “How long have you known her?”
    “I’m not gonna lie to you, Alison. I’ve known her for as long as Albert has worked for us. His mother sought me out, one day, while I was in town shoppin’. She told me that Albert was her youngest.” Mama laughed under her breath, in a way that I read to be some sort of a secret joke that only another mother might understand. “Her older son was away at war, the others had moved away from Forrest Town, and Albert was all she had left.”
    “But why would she seek you out? Why would she do that?”
    Tension drained from Mama’s shoulders. She cocked her head and looked at me with so much love it made my heart ache. She brushed my hair away from my face, and said, with so much emotion that I wanted to crawl into her lap, “Because when