most days?
Sadness.
Anger.
Regrets.
I didn’t know what she saw. All I knew was sometimes when she looked at me, I felt like she could see more of me than anyone else could.
I was not sure I liked it very much. Being laid bare for anyone made me uncomfortable.
Looking away, I downed the shot sitting on the table in front of me. It was going to take me the rest of the night to gain my buzz back. And if I wanted to go to bed without feeling anything, including the raging headache that was busy devouring my brain, then I needed to get started right away.
Something was off with Chet. He wasn’t being himself at all. His smiles forced, his eyes strained. He didn’t laugh as much, and he seemed to be drinking too fast—as if he were trying to drown himself. It was so glaringly obvious; I was surprised the guys didn’t notice.
Maybe it was because I was getting a good look at him without women draped all over him. Maybe it was because, for the first time in a long while, he had a strange clarity in his eyes. I wasn’t sure how I knew something wasn’t right. I just knew.
He was sitting in the VIP section drinking with everyone, yet it was like he wasn’t there. His long jeans-clad legs sprawled out in front of him, and his T-shirt was tight against his abs. His dark hair hung in his gloomy eyes as if he was trying to hide behind the inky strands, but I could see him. I’d always been able to see him.
He was somewhere else—some place far away—lost in his mind as if something was bringing him down. He was battling something, as if he was being eaten from the inside out, and I found myself feeling sorry for him.
The minute his eyes settled on mine, I felt embarrassed that he caught me staring. I’d been doing that a lot lately … staring at Chet. I hated him for not remembering me, I really did, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I was attracted to him as well.
Every time the thought of him against me would roam into my mind, I’d curse myself. I’d shake my thoughts away each time I’d remember how good it felt to have him inside me.
He was good—the best—my only.
I looked away quickly, but his eyes remained on me. I could feel them, penetrating me and learning all my dark secrets. I couldn’t sit there while he figured me out. While he learned everything I was trying to hide. Instead, I stood on shaking legs and fled to the bathroom.
Twiggy followed, her small frame slipping through the massive crowd like it was nothing. Once we were inside the pink neon-covered space, I disappeared inside the closest stall and stood there trying to catch my breath.
“You okay in there, Hope?” Twiggy called out.
I could see her through the crack in the stall door. She was looking at herself in the mirror and tilting her head to the side.
Meanwhile, I was hyperventilating in a small space that smelled like piss and perfume.
I wasn’t going to make it through this tour. I was slowly losing it—catching myself daydreaming about a man I could never be with, while still secretly wanting to choke the life out of him. It was beyond sick and demented, but that was me … fucked up mentally, as always.
“Hope?” Twiggy asked again.
“I’m good. Be out in a sec,” I responded.
I’d prided myself on the ability to contain my emotions, which weren’t many since I squashed anything I felt the second I felt it, but I was slipping. Things were showing. My secrets were winning, and if I didn’t stop myself, Chet would soon know everything. Everyone would soon know everything.
“So what’s the deal with you and Chet?”
Twiggy’s words crashed into me making me gasp. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes against the anxiety.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She laughed. “Bullshit. It’s obvious you guys have an issue with each other. What’s the story there? You guys fuck or something?”
My heart was going to beat out of my chest. I pressed the back
Sadness.
Anger.
Regrets.
I didn’t know what she saw. All I knew was sometimes when she looked at me, I felt like she could see more of me than anyone else could.
I was not sure I liked it very much. Being laid bare for anyone made me uncomfortable.
Looking away, I downed the shot sitting on the table in front of me. It was going to take me the rest of the night to gain my buzz back. And if I wanted to go to bed without feeling anything, including the raging headache that was busy devouring my brain, then I needed to get started right away.
Something was off with Chet. He wasn’t being himself at all. His smiles forced, his eyes strained. He didn’t laugh as much, and he seemed to be drinking too fast—as if he were trying to drown himself. It was so glaringly obvious; I was surprised the guys didn’t notice.
Maybe it was because I was getting a good look at him without women draped all over him. Maybe it was because, for the first time in a long while, he had a strange clarity in his eyes. I wasn’t sure how I knew something wasn’t right. I just knew.
He was sitting in the VIP section drinking with everyone, yet it was like he wasn’t there. His long jeans-clad legs sprawled out in front of him, and his T-shirt was tight against his abs. His dark hair hung in his gloomy eyes as if he was trying to hide behind the inky strands, but I could see him. I’d always been able to see him.
He was somewhere else—some place far away—lost in his mind as if something was bringing him down. He was battling something, as if he was being eaten from the inside out, and I found myself feeling sorry for him.
The minute his eyes settled on mine, I felt embarrassed that he caught me staring. I’d been doing that a lot lately … staring at Chet. I hated him for not remembering me, I really did, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I was attracted to him as well.
Every time the thought of him against me would roam into my mind, I’d curse myself. I’d shake my thoughts away each time I’d remember how good it felt to have him inside me.
He was good—the best—my only.
I looked away quickly, but his eyes remained on me. I could feel them, penetrating me and learning all my dark secrets. I couldn’t sit there while he figured me out. While he learned everything I was trying to hide. Instead, I stood on shaking legs and fled to the bathroom.
Twiggy followed, her small frame slipping through the massive crowd like it was nothing. Once we were inside the pink neon-covered space, I disappeared inside the closest stall and stood there trying to catch my breath.
“You okay in there, Hope?” Twiggy called out.
I could see her through the crack in the stall door. She was looking at herself in the mirror and tilting her head to the side.
Meanwhile, I was hyperventilating in a small space that smelled like piss and perfume.
I wasn’t going to make it through this tour. I was slowly losing it—catching myself daydreaming about a man I could never be with, while still secretly wanting to choke the life out of him. It was beyond sick and demented, but that was me … fucked up mentally, as always.
“Hope?” Twiggy asked again.
“I’m good. Be out in a sec,” I responded.
I’d prided myself on the ability to contain my emotions, which weren’t many since I squashed anything I felt the second I felt it, but I was slipping. Things were showing. My secrets were winning, and if I didn’t stop myself, Chet would soon know everything. Everyone would soon know everything.
“So what’s the deal with you and Chet?”
Twiggy’s words crashed into me making me gasp. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes against the anxiety.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She laughed. “Bullshit. It’s obvious you guys have an issue with each other. What’s the story there? You guys fuck or something?”
My heart was going to beat out of my chest. I pressed the back
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