Having Nathan's Baby by Fran Louise Page B

that was singular. No other man, no other human being, evoked the same heady mix of emotional and physical yearning in me.
    I loved him. The notion arrived with a certainty I hadn’t felt for a long time. I loved him more than anyone else on the planet. Sure, if anyone had asked me before this, I would have admitted that, but as the kind of love one shared with a friend, with a lover. It was only now that I realized this love had been slowly expanding inside of me. It was populated with years of shared memories; of little disappointments and celebrations. It was strengthened by the care he’d taken with my hesitant intimacies. He’d given me so much of himself, too, shared so many of his desires and his fears with me. He’d always been there. He was my best friend, and the only lover I’d never tired of. He’d been my rock for nearly ten years. He was a constant in an otherwise ever-changing life.
    Why was I so terrified at the prospect of having his baby?
    He looked up at that moment. His profile eased into hard, questioning features. I smiled unconsciously. My heart contracted as I watched the relief spill into his features. He stared at me for a long moment, his dark eyes brooding. Even from this distance I could sense the tension in his jaw line. I felt the pull of his overwhelming masculinity across the meters between us; he was like a dark jewel shining in the rough. I was assailed by a fervent need to run across the street, into the store and straight into his embrace.  I was pregnant with his child, and he was happy. He wanted it. I realized I would probably never have this opportunity again.
    Our relationship was about to change. My decisions at this very moment would dictate which direction it went in.
    The cash ier distracted him; he turned away with a belated smile as he handed the woman something. Looking both ways, I took a step across the street and entered the store. The sound of laughter met me with bright welcome.
    “ Here she is,” he said.
    Meeting Nathan’s smile with one of my own, I walked over to his side.
    “Jayne here,” he said, gesturing towards the cashier, “heard from Kristin at the cafe that you weren’t feeling so good.” His smile became pointed. “I was saying there’s a lot of ‘flu around at the moment-”
    “You’d be best getting yourself along to the doctor just to be sure,” Jayne interrupted.
    I felt very calm as I turned back to the woman. “I’ve already been to the doctor, actually. It’s not the ‘flu – I’m pregnant.” I felt Nathan stiffen beside me. I couldn’t turn, couldn’t look at him. The enormity of what I was doing was only just contained inside my tight chest. “We’re not quite at the three-month stage yet so we’re being careful.”
    “Oh, well that’s wonderful news!”
    The small market erupted in a volcano of congratulations. Nathan looked dazed, allowing his hand to be shaken by a myriad of well-wishers.
    “I’m just going to pick up an other couple of things,” I told him, feeling nervous now. Had I really just done that? “I’m guessing you didn’t get pickles, right?”
    “Wait till the cravings kick in good and proper!” Jayne warned on a laugh. She turned to Nathan. “You won’t want to be visiting the market without getting her to make a list first. Otherwise you’ll be back and forth like a pizza delivery boy.”
    We finished up the shopping and got back to the car within ten minutes. Once the bags were stowed and we had both buckled into the front seats, I sat waiting for the car to start. It didn’t. I turned to find Nathan staring out at the view of the river.
    Heart hammering, I extended my hand to touch his and then retreated. I wanted to reassure him. I wanted to apologize for my erratic behavior. I wanted to explain a million things, but they were all too confusing to understand in the first place. Instead, I said, “Looks like we’re having this baby, then.”
    He made a sound that could have been