leaned really close to me, like he was going to do something, then pulled back, like he second guessed himself.
It was almost like he was going to kiss me on the cheek.
It was loud as everyone threw their trash away and left.
"Around six?" he said.
"Yeah, can't wait!"
The rest of the day was torture. Classes that weren't classes. I sat there and played on my phone and waited for the economics teacher to yell at me to take my feet off my desk, but she never bothered. She was doing something on her computer the whole time and didn't care what we did. Not that it mattered, we all knew if we were graduating or not. Something about that bothered me. I always took school very seriously, even if the squishy subjects didn't interest me at all, but the way that last day went felt like we'd been marking time to whole time, like life up to that point was just marking off checkboxes on an invisible card.
When the ending bell finally rang, I bolted from my desk, hoping to pass Hawk in the hallway and maybe get him to walk me anyway, but I ended up trudging home alone, so sick with anticipation I thought I was going to barf out my own liver. By the time I got home, I was sweating like a pig and huffing as I walked up the steps behind the shoe store to our little apartment. Mom left me a note on the table, explaining there was cheesy beef in the freezer if I wanted to reheat it for myself and May.
May was going to eat double that night. She was finishing sixth grade, and wouldn't be home for an hour after I was. I was out of the shower by the time she got back, and plopped down in the living room. She had another two weeks of school.
"How was your day?"
"Fine," she sighed, and turned on the TV.
She missed Mom, and she still missed Dad. Sometimes, living in the same little apartment felt like dragging a big hook around in my chest. The same couch where Dad taught me to read, the same TV we used to watch while Mom worked at the restaurant on Saturdays, the same table where we used to all eat together. I was escaping soon, but I felt terrible about leaving May behind. It would be another four years, almost until I was out of college, until she could leave this place herself.
May resented it, too, I could tell.
"Where's Hawk?" she asked, as she flipped channels and played with her phone.
"I'm meeting up with him later."
May's head shot up and she turned around, leaned on the back of the couch. "Omygod," she breathed, all one word. "Are you finally going on a real date?"
May had been ribbing me about Hawk since she was what, nine? When she was old enough to understand why boys and girls were together, at least conceptually. She grinned at me and hopped up off the couch.
I sighed. There was no denying it, this time.
"Yeah. I think we are. He asked me to dress up."
"When are you supposed to meet him?"
"He said he'd pick me up at six."
May looked at her phone. "Jesus, Alex! It's four thirty. We need to get you ready."
"Why? I took a shower, I just-"
"You can't go on a date with hair like that. What are you wearing?"
"A dress?"
"Show me."
I sighed, knowing there was no escape from this. May pulled me by the arm into my room, threw my closet open and started rummaging until she found my dress. It wasn't frumpy exactly but it wasn't the sexiest thing in the world.
"This is it?"
"Yeah," I held it up. "What's wrong with it?"
"It's too long and it doesn't show your boobs."
"May!"
"He needs to see your boobs."
"Stop saying boobs."
"Fine," she sighed, exasperated. "You can wear the old lady dress. We can make it sexy. Where are your stockings?"
"I have some leggings in my drawer…"
Taking that as permission, she began digging through my clothes until she came out with a pair of red leggings.
"Wear these, they're cute. Where are your shoes?"
Without waiting for an answer, she started digging through my closet and lining up my entire array of footwear.
"Do you have anything besides hiking boots?"
"Well…"
"Don't say
It was almost like he was going to kiss me on the cheek.
It was loud as everyone threw their trash away and left.
"Around six?" he said.
"Yeah, can't wait!"
The rest of the day was torture. Classes that weren't classes. I sat there and played on my phone and waited for the economics teacher to yell at me to take my feet off my desk, but she never bothered. She was doing something on her computer the whole time and didn't care what we did. Not that it mattered, we all knew if we were graduating or not. Something about that bothered me. I always took school very seriously, even if the squishy subjects didn't interest me at all, but the way that last day went felt like we'd been marking time to whole time, like life up to that point was just marking off checkboxes on an invisible card.
When the ending bell finally rang, I bolted from my desk, hoping to pass Hawk in the hallway and maybe get him to walk me anyway, but I ended up trudging home alone, so sick with anticipation I thought I was going to barf out my own liver. By the time I got home, I was sweating like a pig and huffing as I walked up the steps behind the shoe store to our little apartment. Mom left me a note on the table, explaining there was cheesy beef in the freezer if I wanted to reheat it for myself and May.
May was going to eat double that night. She was finishing sixth grade, and wouldn't be home for an hour after I was. I was out of the shower by the time she got back, and plopped down in the living room. She had another two weeks of school.
"How was your day?"
"Fine," she sighed, and turned on the TV.
She missed Mom, and she still missed Dad. Sometimes, living in the same little apartment felt like dragging a big hook around in my chest. The same couch where Dad taught me to read, the same TV we used to watch while Mom worked at the restaurant on Saturdays, the same table where we used to all eat together. I was escaping soon, but I felt terrible about leaving May behind. It would be another four years, almost until I was out of college, until she could leave this place herself.
May resented it, too, I could tell.
"Where's Hawk?" she asked, as she flipped channels and played with her phone.
"I'm meeting up with him later."
May's head shot up and she turned around, leaned on the back of the couch. "Omygod," she breathed, all one word. "Are you finally going on a real date?"
May had been ribbing me about Hawk since she was what, nine? When she was old enough to understand why boys and girls were together, at least conceptually. She grinned at me and hopped up off the couch.
I sighed. There was no denying it, this time.
"Yeah. I think we are. He asked me to dress up."
"When are you supposed to meet him?"
"He said he'd pick me up at six."
May looked at her phone. "Jesus, Alex! It's four thirty. We need to get you ready."
"Why? I took a shower, I just-"
"You can't go on a date with hair like that. What are you wearing?"
"A dress?"
"Show me."
I sighed, knowing there was no escape from this. May pulled me by the arm into my room, threw my closet open and started rummaging until she found my dress. It wasn't frumpy exactly but it wasn't the sexiest thing in the world.
"This is it?"
"Yeah," I held it up. "What's wrong with it?"
"It's too long and it doesn't show your boobs."
"May!"
"He needs to see your boobs."
"Stop saying boobs."
"Fine," she sighed, exasperated. "You can wear the old lady dress. We can make it sexy. Where are your stockings?"
"I have some leggings in my drawer…"
Taking that as permission, she began digging through my clothes until she came out with a pair of red leggings.
"Wear these, they're cute. Where are your shoes?"
Without waiting for an answer, she started digging through my closet and lining up my entire array of footwear.
"Do you have anything besides hiking boots?"
"Well…"
"Don't say
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