myself, trapped in a mental prison, and I was finally handed the key.
We showered and redressed, then went to collect my things. Steel smoothed things over with the owner, and gave him money to cover my leaving on short notice. He’d find another tenant. I’d still work there, so it’s not like Phil’s was out of my life. Besides, I liked working there. My customers knew me. Nobody wanted to talk. They didn’t care, as long as I kept their drinks and shots filled. They weren’t there for the entertainment value.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” I asked, giving him the chance to back out.
“There’s no reason not to.”
We moved my few items into a back bedroom at his place. Having my own bathroom excited me more than anything. It was clean. I could take long, hot showers. It was safe. It’s not like I could stay there forever, but instant relief was mine for the taking.
I’d sleep without fear. Nobody would slam down the hallway. I wouldn’t have to barricade the bathroom door. I felt like a thrown away teddy-bear that had been picked up and cherished after being found on the side of the road.
I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going, but having my own room gave us both space. I was certain I’d sleep in his bed as often as my own. I’d been alone for such a long time, it felt odd saying I was in a relationship. That’s what it was, right?
***
The following day, his mood changed. He’d been charged with disorderly conduct. That wasn’t the issue, since it was basically a fine in this case, but my step-brother was pressing charges. With a slew of witnesses… Well, he was unprovoked, and Steel shattered part of his cheekbone and his nose. Things didn’t look good.
When I got home from work, I found him grumbling and already slurring his words.
“What happened?” I wasn’t used to seeing him this way.
“My fucking life is ruined is what happened. It’s all over the news. I got a warning that the team might dissolve my contract.”
“Oh, shit,” I said. This was my fault. Not really, but it felt that way. I closed my eyes and searched for answers, grasping for straws. I found nothing. The strong and powerful man I knew had been crushed beneath a heap of legal trouble. Bad publicity could be scarring to the Red Hawks. People didn’t like it when players went rogue. If they kicked him off the team…shit.
“I defended your honor,” he started. “Your rape is going to come out in all of this. You’re going to have to press charges in return.”
I panicked. My heart leaped to my throat. I could barely breathe. “I can’t do that. I don’t want to relive it.”
He looked at me, annoyance on his face.
I snapped. “I didn’t ask you to jump him.”
Steel jumped up. “You’d let them hang me for this?”
I immediately felt bad for the last comment. I’d hidden my pain under the table for so long. It was easier to ignore what happened. I didn’t want to go back and think about the details again. I didn’t want to relive the experience. And yet, Steel was trying to protect me, to right a wrong. I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“I have a lawyer. She’s going to need details. It won’t be easy, but I need you to do this.”
I felt the color drain from my face. It was as if somebody was choking me, and all life slipped out of my body.
He continued. “There’s no going back. The allegations are on the table. They’ll say I was protecting you from your former rapist. We might stand a shot. My reaction was natural in the circumstances.”
I barely recognized my voice. I paced like a trapped rat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He answered, without emotion. It was cut and dry in his eyes. “You have to.”
“The wound will split open again. My family will be in my face…I don’t think that I can…”
“I’ll be by your side, Avery. You can do this. I’ll protect you.”
“How, by jumping on him again?” I shot out,
We showered and redressed, then went to collect my things. Steel smoothed things over with the owner, and gave him money to cover my leaving on short notice. He’d find another tenant. I’d still work there, so it’s not like Phil’s was out of my life. Besides, I liked working there. My customers knew me. Nobody wanted to talk. They didn’t care, as long as I kept their drinks and shots filled. They weren’t there for the entertainment value.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” I asked, giving him the chance to back out.
“There’s no reason not to.”
We moved my few items into a back bedroom at his place. Having my own bathroom excited me more than anything. It was clean. I could take long, hot showers. It was safe. It’s not like I could stay there forever, but instant relief was mine for the taking.
I’d sleep without fear. Nobody would slam down the hallway. I wouldn’t have to barricade the bathroom door. I felt like a thrown away teddy-bear that had been picked up and cherished after being found on the side of the road.
I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going, but having my own room gave us both space. I was certain I’d sleep in his bed as often as my own. I’d been alone for such a long time, it felt odd saying I was in a relationship. That’s what it was, right?
***
The following day, his mood changed. He’d been charged with disorderly conduct. That wasn’t the issue, since it was basically a fine in this case, but my step-brother was pressing charges. With a slew of witnesses… Well, he was unprovoked, and Steel shattered part of his cheekbone and his nose. Things didn’t look good.
When I got home from work, I found him grumbling and already slurring his words.
“What happened?” I wasn’t used to seeing him this way.
“My fucking life is ruined is what happened. It’s all over the news. I got a warning that the team might dissolve my contract.”
“Oh, shit,” I said. This was my fault. Not really, but it felt that way. I closed my eyes and searched for answers, grasping for straws. I found nothing. The strong and powerful man I knew had been crushed beneath a heap of legal trouble. Bad publicity could be scarring to the Red Hawks. People didn’t like it when players went rogue. If they kicked him off the team…shit.
“I defended your honor,” he started. “Your rape is going to come out in all of this. You’re going to have to press charges in return.”
I panicked. My heart leaped to my throat. I could barely breathe. “I can’t do that. I don’t want to relive it.”
He looked at me, annoyance on his face.
I snapped. “I didn’t ask you to jump him.”
Steel jumped up. “You’d let them hang me for this?”
I immediately felt bad for the last comment. I’d hidden my pain under the table for so long. It was easier to ignore what happened. I didn’t want to go back and think about the details again. I didn’t want to relive the experience. And yet, Steel was trying to protect me, to right a wrong. I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“I have a lawyer. She’s going to need details. It won’t be easy, but I need you to do this.”
I felt the color drain from my face. It was as if somebody was choking me, and all life slipped out of my body.
He continued. “There’s no going back. The allegations are on the table. They’ll say I was protecting you from your former rapist. We might stand a shot. My reaction was natural in the circumstances.”
I barely recognized my voice. I paced like a trapped rat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He answered, without emotion. It was cut and dry in his eyes. “You have to.”
“The wound will split open again. My family will be in my face…I don’t think that I can…”
“I’ll be by your side, Avery. You can do this. I’ll protect you.”
“How, by jumping on him again?” I shot out,
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