Heaven Preserve Us by Cricket McRae

Meghan stepped in and
grabbed her.
    "Stop it." Meghan's gaze rose to meet mine as I backed out of
the crowd. She nodded, understanding what I was doing. "Not too
cold." Her words cut through the babble of voices and Maryjake's
high-volume hysteria.
    I turned and ran to the bathroom, filling a couple of tiny Dixie
cups with water. Then back to the gawker knot surrounding Maryjake. Her lips had taken on a blue tinge, and she was gasping for
breath. Hyperventilating, big time. I held out both of the little cups
of water to Meghan, who took them and promptly threw them in
Maryjake's face.
     
    Maryjake stopped gasping and stared at Meghan. We all did.
I smiled. So much for breathing into a paper bag.

    We milled around, the awkward silence occasionally punctuated
by a whispered comment. James had taken Maryjake home despite
her weak protests. Erin stood with Meghan's arm lightly draped
across her shoulder. Her gray eyes moved from face to face, watching the reactions of everyone in the group. Barr was in the restroom. Jude stood next to his table of jellies looking like he wanted
to cry. Mrs. Gray and Bette silently cleaned up the beets and shards
of glass.
    No one seemed to want to take charge.
    Standing with all those people, I felt very alone. Was there something more I should have done to help Philip earlier that afternoon?
I had to wonder, but I genuinely couldn't think what it could be. I
regretted giving him a hard time, even though he was so obviously
ill. I regretted my complaining about his inefficiency and boorishness. So he wasn't a genius. So he lacked class. He'd just been a guy, a
regular guy, who wanted to do some good and had a chance to try.
Now he wasn't going to have a chance to try anything ever again.
    A heavy curtain of depression settled over me. I wanted to go
home and crawl in bed for several hundred years.
    Instead, I spoke to the room. "I hate to say this." My voice
sounded too loud in my skull. "But we should probably finish the
exchange."
     
    Meghan nodded. "Let's just get it over with." Her new beau
stepped to her side-now where had he been?-and I saw her
shoulders automatically shift toward him.
    Murmurs throughout the room signaled general agreement,
and people began moving to the tables, almost reluctantly picking
up foodstuffs to take home. Missing was any banter among the
volunteers. I was staring at a jar of sauerkraut with nary a thought
of a Reuben sandwich in my head when Jude came to stand silently beside me.
    "You knew," I said in a low voice.
    "Yes. I'm sorry."
    "You should have told us."
"
    I didn't want to ruin the exchange. It was supposed to be for
morale among the volunteers."
    I turned and stared at him, amazed. He looked away and
blinked rapidly. Could it be that he hadn't known how to tell us?
That was it, I realized. How very difficult to be Jude Carmichael
on a daily basis.
    Barr came out of the restroom and walked to my side.
    "Are you okay?" I asked, concern over his appearance overriding my thoughts about Jude.
    "I'm fine. Just a little off, I guess."
    I eyed him, wondering what he wasn't telling me. He'd been in
there a long time, I realized, from just after James had taken Maryjake outside until seconds before. His eyes looked red, and his skin
pasty.
    Kind of like Philip Heaven had looked that afternoon.

     
SEVEN

    NEITHER MEGHAN NOR I had considered the fact that we'd have
to haul as many jars of preserves into the house as we'd loaded the
car up with earlier. After the food exchange, Barr said he had to go
back and finish up a few things at the cop shop, and we helped
Ruth and Thaddeus take their gleanings out to their car. We made
them promise they'd have a neighbor help them bring the heavy
boxes inside the next morning, and they left with Ruth behind the
wheel of their old Buick. Once we arrived home, Meghan tucked
Erin into bed while I dragged in our own loot and began unpacking the cornucopia of goodies onto the