table, some chocolate-brown throw rugs on the wood floor, and updated pictures of her teenaged children, Ben and Sarah, atop her desk.
“Yes. Small improvements. Thanks for noticing.”
Janet herself had not changed, a wisp of a woman, wide-eyed with a warm engaging smile. She barely looked thirty, though I knew for a fact she would be celebrating her forty-second birthday in December. I found her easy to talk to, extremely likeable, and worldly savvy in a way that couldn’t be taught. Though I’d never asked, I’d sometimes wondered what life experiences might have drawn her to this particular profession.
She took a seat opposite me, crossing her ankles, mirroring my own. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, not for a few months. What brings you here today?”
“Well, I needed to talk to someone I trusted, someone who would keep my secrets,” I said with a short laugh.
“Oh. Secrets. Well, this is serious.”
“Actually, it’s not so much secrets. It’s more-things I can’t talk to anyone else about right now.” I took a deep breath, folding my hands one into the other. “I’ve been having some issues concerning Trevor. I haven’t been treating him all that well lately, but every time I think I should be more … truthful with him, I back off. He tried to make love to me the other night and I just couldn’t connect, and that’s not usually a problem for me at all.”
“So, what is it you’re not being truthful about?”
“Well, I ran into Josh, my old boyfriend, in Aspen this past weekend. He’s in town, just visiting. It was an accidental meeting. We bumped into each other at an art fair, but I felt guilty about it and didn’t say anything to Trevor. The problem is, I enjoyed seeing Josh-a little too much, I think-and might want to see him again.”
“And why does that worry you? What do you think will happen if you see him again?”
“I don’t know. Actually, I don’t think anything will happen. I just want to see him again. It’s almost like I need to. I hated the way we broke up. Our relationship ended so quickly. After all the time we’d been together, Josh just took off and left the state, disappeared from my life completely. My fault, of course.” I glanced up, but Janet’s expression hadn’t changed. “I don’t want to lead him on, but if I start to see him again, of course, I will be. It’s totally selfish. I’ll be hurting Josh, and I could end up hurting Trevor too, severely damage what we have. It’s crazy.”
“So, knowing this, why do you think you’re still willing to take the chance?”
“I think I need closure with Josh. I need to try and explain to him why I left. He was more than a boyfriend to me, he was a friend. I miss him … a lot. As for Trevor, I don’t want to talk to him about this because he’s the reason I left Josh. And I still have a lot of mixed emotions about that. As much as I blame myself, I blame Trevor more. Recently, I’ve been questioning his reasons for marrying me.”
Janet reached for her glass, took a sip of water. “Go on.”
“I really didn’t get to know Trevor all that well before I became involved with him. I was seeing Josh, in love with him-not wildly anymore, we’d been seeing each other for so long-but it was love. Then Trevor came along and I wanted him so badly I couldn’t think of anything, but him. I literally forgot about Josh-just threw him away-for a man I barely knew. Now, looking back, I’m wondering if the money had more to do with Trevor’s decision to marry me than I thought. He likes having money. He enjoys spending it and he does, though not … excessively. Oh … what am I saying? He’s not bad about it. I encourage him to spend on himself. I spend money on him. I want to. I mean, what is it for if not to make the people you love happy? The thing is, with Josh I always knew I was loved for me. I didn’t have a dime when Josh loved me. I barely had two cents in my savings
“Yes. Small improvements. Thanks for noticing.”
Janet herself had not changed, a wisp of a woman, wide-eyed with a warm engaging smile. She barely looked thirty, though I knew for a fact she would be celebrating her forty-second birthday in December. I found her easy to talk to, extremely likeable, and worldly savvy in a way that couldn’t be taught. Though I’d never asked, I’d sometimes wondered what life experiences might have drawn her to this particular profession.
She took a seat opposite me, crossing her ankles, mirroring my own. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, not for a few months. What brings you here today?”
“Well, I needed to talk to someone I trusted, someone who would keep my secrets,” I said with a short laugh.
“Oh. Secrets. Well, this is serious.”
“Actually, it’s not so much secrets. It’s more-things I can’t talk to anyone else about right now.” I took a deep breath, folding my hands one into the other. “I’ve been having some issues concerning Trevor. I haven’t been treating him all that well lately, but every time I think I should be more … truthful with him, I back off. He tried to make love to me the other night and I just couldn’t connect, and that’s not usually a problem for me at all.”
“So, what is it you’re not being truthful about?”
“Well, I ran into Josh, my old boyfriend, in Aspen this past weekend. He’s in town, just visiting. It was an accidental meeting. We bumped into each other at an art fair, but I felt guilty about it and didn’t say anything to Trevor. The problem is, I enjoyed seeing Josh-a little too much, I think-and might want to see him again.”
“And why does that worry you? What do you think will happen if you see him again?”
“I don’t know. Actually, I don’t think anything will happen. I just want to see him again. It’s almost like I need to. I hated the way we broke up. Our relationship ended so quickly. After all the time we’d been together, Josh just took off and left the state, disappeared from my life completely. My fault, of course.” I glanced up, but Janet’s expression hadn’t changed. “I don’t want to lead him on, but if I start to see him again, of course, I will be. It’s totally selfish. I’ll be hurting Josh, and I could end up hurting Trevor too, severely damage what we have. It’s crazy.”
“So, knowing this, why do you think you’re still willing to take the chance?”
“I think I need closure with Josh. I need to try and explain to him why I left. He was more than a boyfriend to me, he was a friend. I miss him … a lot. As for Trevor, I don’t want to talk to him about this because he’s the reason I left Josh. And I still have a lot of mixed emotions about that. As much as I blame myself, I blame Trevor more. Recently, I’ve been questioning his reasons for marrying me.”
Janet reached for her glass, took a sip of water. “Go on.”
“I really didn’t get to know Trevor all that well before I became involved with him. I was seeing Josh, in love with him-not wildly anymore, we’d been seeing each other for so long-but it was love. Then Trevor came along and I wanted him so badly I couldn’t think of anything, but him. I literally forgot about Josh-just threw him away-for a man I barely knew. Now, looking back, I’m wondering if the money had more to do with Trevor’s decision to marry me than I thought. He likes having money. He enjoys spending it and he does, though not … excessively. Oh … what am I saying? He’s not bad about it. I encourage him to spend on himself. I spend money on him. I want to. I mean, what is it for if not to make the people you love happy? The thing is, with Josh I always knew I was loved for me. I didn’t have a dime when Josh loved me. I barely had two cents in my savings
Similar Books
