Here's the Situation by Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino Page B
Authors: Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino
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foolish transgression. They left peacefully, and though I was a little sad to see them go, I was also relieved that I was free to complete my work. Which is exactly what I did.
Life is a battle, bro. Itâs survival of the fittest. And by fittest, I mean hottest.
SITCH AB FACT: I recently brought three girls back to my hotel room. After a little bit of fun, I realized I was down to two girls. It took me thirty minutes to discover the missing chick was lost in a crevice in my six-pack.
One-Night Stand Checklist
(Multiple Chicks Edition)
⢠Have a dozen condoms.
⢠Double-check group to be certain there are no dudes.
⢠Confiscate all cell phones and cameras, lock in hotel safe. (If no safe, hide them in your abs.)
⢠Distribute an individual âsafe wordâ to each chick.
⢠Establish your ground rules (i.e., no pretzels in bed).
⢠Officiate round of rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first.
As The Situation, I need to be aware at all times of the whereabouts of possessions like my cell, wallet, and jewelry. Believe it or not, some girls steal things as a memento of our experience together, as if smooshing isnât enough.
Once, after a sold-out club appearance in Canada, I decided to invite a girl back to my hotel for the night. We were starting to undress when I noticed her rummaging through her bag for her camera. She actually wanted to snap a shot or shoot some video while we were getting naked. I told that head case, âSorry, baby, but you gotta leave.â
Another time I was with this chick I was getting a really weird vibe off of. She always had her cell phone in plain sight, which isnât that unusual, but I sensed that she was positioning it within range of my voice whenever I moved around the room. Plus she was asking me very bold questions like, âHave you ever done this drug before,â etc. She was trying to pull it off in a nonchalant way, but I became convinced she was trying to record our conversation. I was reluctant to call her on it because I wasnât positive and I didnât want to suddenly turn into a jerk. But my weird feeling persisted so I finally checked her phone, and sure enough, she was recording. I try to always be polite and give people the benefit of the doubt, but when I caught her red-handed, no matter how hot she was (and she was hot), I kicked her ass out.
Itâs sad to say, bro, but whenever I hang with chicks in my hotel room (particularly if more than one is involved), I ask them to turn off all electronic devicesâor, switch them to Sitch Mode, which means get rid of them. Thatâs why Iâve started confiscating their phones and cameras and locking them in the room safe. Call it paranoid, but the last thing I want is a video of me doing work showing up on TMZ the next day. Especially if I was having an off night (which, to be honest, is pretty frickinâ rare).
The Deadly Clinger
Sometimes you smoosh a chick and decide that youâd like to smoosh that chick again in the future. Itâs rare, but it happens. Here you must tread with extreme caution, my brothers. You might unwittingly be cultivating a Clinger. Below are the five stages to watch out for:
Â
FIVE STAGES OF CLINGER
1. Sends too many text messages (more than three unsolicited, unresponded-to texts per day).
2. Inappropriate Facebook postings.
3. Knocks on door of unlisted home addressâunannounced, uninvited, and un-hot.
4. Rolls up to you in the club when youâre doing work on other targets, thereby becoming Captain Cockblock of the Century.
5. Certified Stalker Bitch. At every personal appearance. Jealous of your relationship with your mother and sister, etc. Pauly D, who dealt with his own stalker situation, had to drop this knowledge on his Stage Five Clinger: âYouâre stalking my life. Youâre stalking my whole life on the boardwalk.â If you suspect youâre dealing with a Stage Five
Life is a battle, bro. Itâs survival of the fittest. And by fittest, I mean hottest.
SITCH AB FACT: I recently brought three girls back to my hotel room. After a little bit of fun, I realized I was down to two girls. It took me thirty minutes to discover the missing chick was lost in a crevice in my six-pack.
One-Night Stand Checklist
(Multiple Chicks Edition)
⢠Have a dozen condoms.
⢠Double-check group to be certain there are no dudes.
⢠Confiscate all cell phones and cameras, lock in hotel safe. (If no safe, hide them in your abs.)
⢠Distribute an individual âsafe wordâ to each chick.
⢠Establish your ground rules (i.e., no pretzels in bed).
⢠Officiate round of rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first.
As The Situation, I need to be aware at all times of the whereabouts of possessions like my cell, wallet, and jewelry. Believe it or not, some girls steal things as a memento of our experience together, as if smooshing isnât enough.
Once, after a sold-out club appearance in Canada, I decided to invite a girl back to my hotel for the night. We were starting to undress when I noticed her rummaging through her bag for her camera. She actually wanted to snap a shot or shoot some video while we were getting naked. I told that head case, âSorry, baby, but you gotta leave.â
Another time I was with this chick I was getting a really weird vibe off of. She always had her cell phone in plain sight, which isnât that unusual, but I sensed that she was positioning it within range of my voice whenever I moved around the room. Plus she was asking me very bold questions like, âHave you ever done this drug before,â etc. She was trying to pull it off in a nonchalant way, but I became convinced she was trying to record our conversation. I was reluctant to call her on it because I wasnât positive and I didnât want to suddenly turn into a jerk. But my weird feeling persisted so I finally checked her phone, and sure enough, she was recording. I try to always be polite and give people the benefit of the doubt, but when I caught her red-handed, no matter how hot she was (and she was hot), I kicked her ass out.
Itâs sad to say, bro, but whenever I hang with chicks in my hotel room (particularly if more than one is involved), I ask them to turn off all electronic devicesâor, switch them to Sitch Mode, which means get rid of them. Thatâs why Iâve started confiscating their phones and cameras and locking them in the room safe. Call it paranoid, but the last thing I want is a video of me doing work showing up on TMZ the next day. Especially if I was having an off night (which, to be honest, is pretty frickinâ rare).
The Deadly Clinger
Sometimes you smoosh a chick and decide that youâd like to smoosh that chick again in the future. Itâs rare, but it happens. Here you must tread with extreme caution, my brothers. You might unwittingly be cultivating a Clinger. Below are the five stages to watch out for:
Â
FIVE STAGES OF CLINGER
1. Sends too many text messages (more than three unsolicited, unresponded-to texts per day).
2. Inappropriate Facebook postings.
3. Knocks on door of unlisted home addressâunannounced, uninvited, and un-hot.
4. Rolls up to you in the club when youâre doing work on other targets, thereby becoming Captain Cockblock of the Century.
5. Certified Stalker Bitch. At every personal appearance. Jealous of your relationship with your mother and sister, etc. Pauly D, who dealt with his own stalker situation, had to drop this knowledge on his Stage Five Clinger: âYouâre stalking my life. Youâre stalking my whole life on the boardwalk.â If you suspect youâre dealing with a Stage Five
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