Highland Fling

Highland Fling by Nancy Mitford Page A

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Authors: Nancy Mitford
Tags: Historical, Classics, Humour
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Lenigen complex so prevalent among the British aristocracy. Happily, in this case, it has been muzzled, presumably by lack of funds, but its influence is creeping over the whole house. The oak, for instance, on these stairs and in the entrance hall has been pickled – a modern habit, which one cannot too heartily deplore – and much exquisite furniture has been banished to the servants’ hall, someeven to the attics. On the other hand, the boudoir, stone hall, billiard- and dining-rooms appear to be quite unspoilt. Come with me, my dear.’
    Albert led the way to the dining-room, where the table was being laid for luncheon. It was a huge room with dark red brocade walls and a pale blue-and-yellow ceiling covered in real gold stars. At one end there arose an enormous Gothic mantelpiece of pitch-pine. Several Raeburns and two Winterhalters adorned the walls.
    ‘Winterhalter,’ murmured Albert, ‘my favourite artist. I must call your attention to this clock, made of the very cannonball which rolled to the feet of Ernest, 4th Earl of Craigdalloch during the Battle of Inkerman. Shall we go and look at the outside of the castle? We have just time before lunch.’
    They went into the garden and walked round the house, which was built in the Victorian feudal style, and rather resembled a large white cake with windows and battlements picked out in chocolate icing. Albert was thrown into raptures by its appearance.
    When they returned to the front door they found Walter and the general standing on the steps.
    ‘Ah! this house! this house!’ cried Albert. ‘I am enchanted by it. Good morning, General.’
    ‘Good morning, Gates.’
    ‘Walter, have you ever seen such a house? General, you agree, I hope, that it is truly exquisite?’
    ‘Yes; I’m attached to the place myself. Been here, man and boy, for the last fifty years or so. Best grouse moor in the country, you know, and as good fishing as you can find between here and the Dee, I swear it is.’
    ‘It
is
lovely,’ said Jane doubtfully. ‘I wonder what we shall do all day though.’
    ‘Do? Why, my dear young lady, by the time you’ve been out with the guns, or flogging the river all day, you’ll be too tired todo anything except perhaps to have a set or two of lawn tennis. After dinner we can always listen to Craig’s wireless. I’ve just asked the chauffeur to fix it up.’
    ‘I personally shall be busy taking photographs,’ said Albert. ‘I am shortly bringing out a small brochure on the minor arts of the nineteenth century, and although I had already collected much material for it, there are in this house some objects so unique that I shall have to make a most careful revision of my little work. I also feel it is my duty to the nation to compile a catalogue of what I find here. You write, General?’
    ‘I once wrote a series of articles for
Country Life
on stable bedding.’
    ‘But how macabre! Then you, I and Walter, all three, belong to the fellowship of the pen; but while you and I are in a way but tyros, I feeling frankly more at home with a paintbrush and you, most probably, with a fox’s brush, Walter here is one of our latter day immortals.’
    And he began to recite in a loud voice one of his friend’s poems:
               
‘Fallow upon the great black waste
               
And all esurient. But when
               
Your pale green tears are falling
               
Falling and
               
Falling
               
Upon the Wapentake, there was never
               
So absolutely never
               
Such disparity.’
    Walter blushed.
    ‘
Please
, Albert.’
    ‘My dear Walter, that is good. It is more than good – it has an enduring quality and I think will live. Do you not agree, general? You and I, Walter, will do a great deal of work here. Ihave found a room with a large green table in the centre very well lighted. It will be ideal for my purpose. Then I am

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