Hook and Shoot by Jeremy Brown

bed, finally to the front door. The entrance was recessed stonework and two eight-foot doors made of thick, dark wooden planks banded together with black iron.
    â€œDid these come with battering ram insurance?”
    Nobody answered.
    Burch and Eddie walked into the foyer, polished marble tile on the floor and walls. From the door I could see all the way through a perpendicular hallway and a dim living area to the back of the house made of glass walls, beyond that a glowing pool and more concrete and landscaping that spread into darkness.
    Burch and Eddie didn’t see the man standing inside the door, wearing some kind of armored helmet and holding a samurai sword. I braced and lunged and realized too late it was a statue.
    Burch and Eddie turned. I tried to play it off as a stretch, but nobody stretches with the war face I had going. Eddie sucked a tooth and went left down the hallway.
    Burch spent a few seconds appraising me and the statue. “Want me to put that in the closet?”
    â€œIt’s fine where it is.”
    â€œLet’s take the tour.”
    â€œI’ve seen enough.”
    â€œNot by my standards. We’ll start with the security room.”
    â€œWait, what do you think I’m signed up for here? Eddie wants my help keeping him alive; you call me when you need something. And I mean really need it, like oxygen need.”
    â€œThat’s not my understanding.”
    â€œUpdate your software.”
    He put his hands in his pockets. “Remember what I said about the only way you’d get out of my sight?”
    â€œSomething about you being dead. I remember it made me happy.”
    â€œYou’re with me 24/7. You know the ‘or else’ bit, so let’s skip it and get on with the tour.”
    Burch and I took a right at the hallway and entered the kitchen, a long room with high ceilings decked out like a Viking dining hall. Exposed beams, cookware, and cutlery hanging on the walls and a huge slab of carved wood for a table. The appliances were stainless steel and commercial grade. The wall along the left was made of panels that could fold on each other to make the kitchen and living room one huge space. The far wall was more glass, looking out on the pool.
    We cut across the kitchen and went through adoor, down some steps into a sunken hallway.
    Burch stopped at one of the doors and punched buttons on a keypad. “Code’s 12-07-41.”
    It sounded familiar. “Pearl Harbor?”
    â€œOur Eddie’s a student of war, warriors, battles. You’ll notice a theme throughout the home. I’ll warn you when statues are imminent.” Burch opened the door.
    The room was ten by ten, white walls with a desk and one wall covered in flat-screen security monitors. It crashed me back to Kendall’s bookie room at the bakery.
    â€œI didn’t need to search the whole house just now. I came in here and checked the screens. If a camera had picked up any movement, there’d be a red light blinking in the corner of the screen and the time it happened. See, now we have red lights in the foyer, hallway, kitchen, and the hallway behind us. I clear those.” Burch punched buttons on a keyboard, and the red lights disappeared. “Those lights for the staircase, upstairs hall, and master suite are Eddie going up to take a shower.” He pointed at one of the monitors. “That’s the master bathroom. And … there’s our guy.”
    Eddie padded in bare feet over the bathroom tile in high-definition. He took off his jacket and let it puddle on the floor, went to work on his belt.
    â€œI’m good,” I said.
    â€œAnytime we leave, we clear all alerts and hit thisbutton. It gives us thirty seconds to leave the house before the alerts start up and the alarm is enabled.”
    â€œHow do I get back inside?”
    â€œDon’t worry about that. You need in, I’ll let you in.”
    â€œFine. Let’s just get out