whenever I can. It’ll be much better now that I have my nights free. Live music is always better. I remember when Vic and I would hit these shows with the up-and-coming bands all the…”
He stopped. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. We can’t pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“I know you’d like to.”
She shrugged. “He was a part of your life as much as he was a part of mine.” It never occurred to her that Vic bailing probably hurt Will as much as it hurt her, though for different reasons. Will and Vic had grown up together, had gone through grade school and high school together.
Will had known Vic almost his entire life. And Will wason one side of the law, while Vic was most definitely on the other.
It probably killed him to see Vic go down such a self-destructive path, and then completely disappear.
They made their way back to their seats and waited for the band to return. “Vic never talked to you about any of it?” Jane asked.
Will looked at her. “Any of what?”
“His issues. Leaving?”
Will shook his head. “I knew he battled with the drugs and alcohol. He always liked to drink, probably more than any of us. You know when you’re younger, you don’t pay much attention to that. The drugs didn’t come ’til later, and I didn’t know about it until he was heavily into it. He was good at hiding it.”
She leaned back in her chair. “Tell me about it. He was so good at masking it, at appearing normal—at least for a while.”
He put his arm around the back of her chair. “We don’t have to talk about Vic. I know it brings you down.”
She turned to him. “Actually, it doesn’t. Not any more. I’m sad for my kids, of course, because they’re too young to understand. But I’m over him being gone.”
“Seeing me reminds you of him.”
His fingers caressed her shoulders. Distracting. But good. “It does, but not in the way you think. I was wondering how you felt about it—about him. We never talked after he left. I was so self-involved, worried about the kids. I never asked how you dealt with it.”
Will shrugged. “I was pissed at him for what he did—not only to you and the kids, but to himself. He had so much going for him. Great job, incredible wife and family. He pissed it all away for drugs and alcohol. I tried to talk to him, but—well, you know how it was.”
She nodded. “Yes, I know. His demons were powerful and irresistible. I can’t begin to understand it. I never could. But they dominated his life and he couldn’t beat them.”
“Seems to me he didn’t even try. That’s what makes me so angry. He didn’t fight his addiction.”
This was usually the part where she bailed, because it was so painful to talk about. No woman wanted to feel like she wasn’t worth fighting for, which was why whenever anyone wanted to talk about Vic, she closed up and refused to allow the conversation. She’d lived through that hell for all those years, had begged Vic to go to rehab, had threatened to leave him. She’d done everything she could to make it clear what he stood to lose. And he’d still chosen his addiction over her and his children.
What did that say about her? She’d asked herself that question countless times over the past two years, and hadn’t liked the answer. Finally, she stopped asking the question, and had refused to take the blame for Vic’s failings.
“It wasn’t my fault. He’s the one who failed.”
Will frowned. “What? Of course it wasn’t your fault, Jane. Vic’s the bad guy in all this. You know that, right?”
She nodded. “It took me a while to get there. For a long time I blamed myself. I tried to figure out where I failed him, until I realized he was the one who was weak. He was the one who failed. Not me. I was there for him. I’d have done anything for him. He just got so deep into that thing he loved more than me and his kids he couldn’t see straight.”
“I know. Believe me, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I tried
He stopped. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. We can’t pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“I know you’d like to.”
She shrugged. “He was a part of your life as much as he was a part of mine.” It never occurred to her that Vic bailing probably hurt Will as much as it hurt her, though for different reasons. Will and Vic had grown up together, had gone through grade school and high school together.
Will had known Vic almost his entire life. And Will wason one side of the law, while Vic was most definitely on the other.
It probably killed him to see Vic go down such a self-destructive path, and then completely disappear.
They made their way back to their seats and waited for the band to return. “Vic never talked to you about any of it?” Jane asked.
Will looked at her. “Any of what?”
“His issues. Leaving?”
Will shook his head. “I knew he battled with the drugs and alcohol. He always liked to drink, probably more than any of us. You know when you’re younger, you don’t pay much attention to that. The drugs didn’t come ’til later, and I didn’t know about it until he was heavily into it. He was good at hiding it.”
She leaned back in her chair. “Tell me about it. He was so good at masking it, at appearing normal—at least for a while.”
He put his arm around the back of her chair. “We don’t have to talk about Vic. I know it brings you down.”
She turned to him. “Actually, it doesn’t. Not any more. I’m sad for my kids, of course, because they’re too young to understand. But I’m over him being gone.”
“Seeing me reminds you of him.”
His fingers caressed her shoulders. Distracting. But good. “It does, but not in the way you think. I was wondering how you felt about it—about him. We never talked after he left. I was so self-involved, worried about the kids. I never asked how you dealt with it.”
Will shrugged. “I was pissed at him for what he did—not only to you and the kids, but to himself. He had so much going for him. Great job, incredible wife and family. He pissed it all away for drugs and alcohol. I tried to talk to him, but—well, you know how it was.”
She nodded. “Yes, I know. His demons were powerful and irresistible. I can’t begin to understand it. I never could. But they dominated his life and he couldn’t beat them.”
“Seems to me he didn’t even try. That’s what makes me so angry. He didn’t fight his addiction.”
This was usually the part where she bailed, because it was so painful to talk about. No woman wanted to feel like she wasn’t worth fighting for, which was why whenever anyone wanted to talk about Vic, she closed up and refused to allow the conversation. She’d lived through that hell for all those years, had begged Vic to go to rehab, had threatened to leave him. She’d done everything she could to make it clear what he stood to lose. And he’d still chosen his addiction over her and his children.
What did that say about her? She’d asked herself that question countless times over the past two years, and hadn’t liked the answer. Finally, she stopped asking the question, and had refused to take the blame for Vic’s failings.
“It wasn’t my fault. He’s the one who failed.”
Will frowned. “What? Of course it wasn’t your fault, Jane. Vic’s the bad guy in all this. You know that, right?”
She nodded. “It took me a while to get there. For a long time I blamed myself. I tried to figure out where I failed him, until I realized he was the one who was weak. He was the one who failed. Not me. I was there for him. I’d have done anything for him. He just got so deep into that thing he loved more than me and his kids he couldn’t see straight.”
“I know. Believe me, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I tried
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