saddened.
Detective Tess Aaliyah was the only one who gave me a steady gaze.
She swallowed, said, “I wanted to tell you myself.”
Questions exploded through my brain. Had they found Mulch? Had another member of my family turned up? Was I going to have to be tortured again, go to a dump scene to identify someone I loved? In the end, it was something even more unimaginable and cruel.
“The autopsy,” Aaliyah said. “I was there, and …”
Her eyes were watering and she shook her head.
“What?” I demanded.
“We still don’t have DNA, but the blood types match,” she said. “And there’s …”
Sampson cleared his throat, said, “She was pregnant, Alex. Six weeks.”
Hearing about the blood type had made the grief real. Hearing about the baby was too much.
My head spun and I felt sicker than at the pig farm. I sat down hard in one of the chairs, put my face in my hands, the headache pounding with every bit of its earlier fury.
“I’m sorry,” Aaliyah said. “Had you been trying?”
I shook my head bitterly, said, “This is a miracle and a tragedy at the same time. Can you believe that?”
“Shug?” Sampson said.
A great part of me wanted to rail at the sky and the moon, curse God and demand to know why I’d been singled out for this kind of punishment.
Instead, I gazed around at all of them and said, “Bree had uterine fibroids about five years ago. They removed them, but the procedure left scars. The doctors told us she’d likely never have children. A one-in-a-thousand chance, they …”
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more bewildered in my life than I was at that moment. I didn’t even hear Chief Wallace come over beside me, but I felt his heavy hand on my shoulder before he said, “Hell of a thing you’re going through, Alex. Hell of a thing. Too much for one man to handle.”
I nodded, cleared my throat, and in a voice tight with emotion said, “Chief, it’s beyond anything I’ve ever had to deal with before.”
He patted my shoulder again. “I can’t imagine the stress.”
“I’m still standing.”
The chief took a chair, set it opposite me, and sat down on it, his forearms resting on his thighs, and his face twisted in anguish. “I know you’re still standing. I know you’re a fighter, and I know this is personal. That’s what makes what I’m going to say now so hard.”
I’d been nodding, but now I knitted my brow. “Chief?”
“Alex, for your own good, and because I respect you so much, I’m placing you on medical leave.”
That made no sense. “What?”
“For the time being, I want you to take a break from this investigation, let us work on your behalf for once. I’m sorry, Alex, but I need your gun and badge.”
For a moment, even those words didn’t penetrate, but then they did and it felt like I was being tossed overboard.
“Chief, you can’t do that,” I pleaded. “I’m good. I’m handling this.”
“No one in your situation could be good,” Wallace said. “You showed up at your kid’s school crying and then you ranted at the principal. You mistreated a cooperative witness this afternoon—hit him, as I understand it.”
I looked at Sampson, not believing what was being said, and whispered, “You can’t do this. I have to find—”
Captain Quintus shook his head, said, “Alex, we’re all afraid that the injury to your head and the pressure of all that’s happened to you is too enormous to be dealt with while trying to work. We want you to go to a hospital to meet with a neurologist who’s waiting to do a baseline—”
“That’s not happening,” I said. “Not now.”
“Alex,” Ned Mahoney began.
“You think I asked for this?” I demanded, feeling the heat rise in my face. “Who asks for his family to be taken? Who asks for his wife to be cut to pieces? Who asks to be pounded and pounded and—”
Only then did I realize I’d been shouting at them.
“They say that’s part of it, shug,” Sampson said.
Detective Tess Aaliyah was the only one who gave me a steady gaze.
She swallowed, said, “I wanted to tell you myself.”
Questions exploded through my brain. Had they found Mulch? Had another member of my family turned up? Was I going to have to be tortured again, go to a dump scene to identify someone I loved? In the end, it was something even more unimaginable and cruel.
“The autopsy,” Aaliyah said. “I was there, and …”
Her eyes were watering and she shook her head.
“What?” I demanded.
“We still don’t have DNA, but the blood types match,” she said. “And there’s …”
Sampson cleared his throat, said, “She was pregnant, Alex. Six weeks.”
Hearing about the blood type had made the grief real. Hearing about the baby was too much.
My head spun and I felt sicker than at the pig farm. I sat down hard in one of the chairs, put my face in my hands, the headache pounding with every bit of its earlier fury.
“I’m sorry,” Aaliyah said. “Had you been trying?”
I shook my head bitterly, said, “This is a miracle and a tragedy at the same time. Can you believe that?”
“Shug?” Sampson said.
A great part of me wanted to rail at the sky and the moon, curse God and demand to know why I’d been singled out for this kind of punishment.
Instead, I gazed around at all of them and said, “Bree had uterine fibroids about five years ago. They removed them, but the procedure left scars. The doctors told us she’d likely never have children. A one-in-a-thousand chance, they …”
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more bewildered in my life than I was at that moment. I didn’t even hear Chief Wallace come over beside me, but I felt his heavy hand on my shoulder before he said, “Hell of a thing you’re going through, Alex. Hell of a thing. Too much for one man to handle.”
I nodded, cleared my throat, and in a voice tight with emotion said, “Chief, it’s beyond anything I’ve ever had to deal with before.”
He patted my shoulder again. “I can’t imagine the stress.”
“I’m still standing.”
The chief took a chair, set it opposite me, and sat down on it, his forearms resting on his thighs, and his face twisted in anguish. “I know you’re still standing. I know you’re a fighter, and I know this is personal. That’s what makes what I’m going to say now so hard.”
I’d been nodding, but now I knitted my brow. “Chief?”
“Alex, for your own good, and because I respect you so much, I’m placing you on medical leave.”
That made no sense. “What?”
“For the time being, I want you to take a break from this investigation, let us work on your behalf for once. I’m sorry, Alex, but I need your gun and badge.”
For a moment, even those words didn’t penetrate, but then they did and it felt like I was being tossed overboard.
“Chief, you can’t do that,” I pleaded. “I’m good. I’m handling this.”
“No one in your situation could be good,” Wallace said. “You showed up at your kid’s school crying and then you ranted at the principal. You mistreated a cooperative witness this afternoon—hit him, as I understand it.”
I looked at Sampson, not believing what was being said, and whispered, “You can’t do this. I have to find—”
Captain Quintus shook his head, said, “Alex, we’re all afraid that the injury to your head and the pressure of all that’s happened to you is too enormous to be dealt with while trying to work. We want you to go to a hospital to meet with a neurologist who’s waiting to do a baseline—”
“That’s not happening,” I said. “Not now.”
“Alex,” Ned Mahoney began.
“You think I asked for this?” I demanded, feeling the heat rise in my face. “Who asks for his family to be taken? Who asks for his wife to be cut to pieces? Who asks to be pounded and pounded and—”
Only then did I realize I’d been shouting at them.
“They say that’s part of it, shug,” Sampson said.
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