married for good. We all want that for you. But whatever you decide, let me know you’ve given this due consideration. Sorry to Dave for bringing you into the family drama. Poor Dave!
OK, end of manifesto. Let me know your thoughts.
Love,
Mommy
----
She’s good, huh? This is what happens when your mother writes for a living. She takes up her pen against you—and it cuts straight into the most tender, vulnerable spot in your heart. She had some valid points, as well as some that were not so valid. For instance, Court in the Square is gorgeous and in the end we spent very little on décor. And did she actually suggest that our guests consider camping? But she ended up being correct about my grandfather needing to leave early—and on the wedding night, I was sad to have to say goodbye to my dad well before the reception ended. I’m glad that she made me think about those things ahead of time, because in the end I would have been dramatically more upset if I hadn’t been expecting it.
But you can tell how she felt. I didn’t know how to respond, so Iignored the manifesto and hoped someone else would deal with it.
And—what do you know?—I had a fiancé who was already on top of it. With no prompting from me, he sent a measured, perfect response that left my mom feeling respected, listened to and accepting of our plans.
----
From: Dave
To: Susan
Cc: Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Wedding thoughts (long)
Dear Susan,
Thanks for communicating everything to us. I don’t have some castle-in-the-clouds idea of how this thing has to go. And right now it’s hard to wrap my head around rethinking the venue from thousands of miles away during my first year of law school. I just want a wedding that brings together our two families and friends to celebrate what is hands-down the most important event of my life.
Since college, Seattle is the only place both of us call home. Court in the Square is green, open-aired, full of old exposed brick, versatile, spacious, and the feel of six-story glass ceilings is hard to beat. It’s the awesomest [sic] reception venue we saw.
A reception on the island would require guests to drive afterwards, which will worry me. Even if someone has only one drink before leaving, there’s still a liability [OMG, my budding lawyer man!] that doesn’t exist in a city crawling with taxis. I personally like the idea of an event where the generations meet and celebrate together, but I imagine all the grandparents will trickle out early…We’ll do our best to make it as easy as possible for both of our families.
Our wedding will be an overwhelmingly happy and positive experience for me even if it rains on us and all the guests end up in jail for the night. Everything else aside, it will be the day we start our own family, and that won’t be affected by the logistics.
Your thoughts are important to me (us) and we want to make our families happy!
—Dave
----
Wow. He’s good, too. Any guy who can say awesomest with a straight face is a keeper, for sure.
My mom and Dave both had great points, and ultimately we decided not to completely rethink our wedding. Dave and I were both happy with the venue we’d already chosen. Still, I understood how important it was to my parents to host our family and friends on their home turf, so I asked Mommy to have a welcome barbecue for our immediate families and wedding party the Thursday before our wedding.
The barbecue went off without a hitch and was the perfect way to reunite with relatives I hadn’t seen in years. My mom got the hosting bug out of her system, and we eased into the wedding weekend, content with the way things played out.
----
CHEAT SHEET
DID YOUR FANTASIES ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
AT WINDSOR CASTLE DISTRACT YOU FROM YOUR
READING? HERE’S YOUR CHEAT SHEET:
Okay, yeah, you do get the final say. So use your power wisely. Don’t force a venue down your mother’s throat. Gently express how perfect your chosen venue will be for you and your
OK, end of manifesto. Let me know your thoughts.
Love,
Mommy
----
She’s good, huh? This is what happens when your mother writes for a living. She takes up her pen against you—and it cuts straight into the most tender, vulnerable spot in your heart. She had some valid points, as well as some that were not so valid. For instance, Court in the Square is gorgeous and in the end we spent very little on décor. And did she actually suggest that our guests consider camping? But she ended up being correct about my grandfather needing to leave early—and on the wedding night, I was sad to have to say goodbye to my dad well before the reception ended. I’m glad that she made me think about those things ahead of time, because in the end I would have been dramatically more upset if I hadn’t been expecting it.
But you can tell how she felt. I didn’t know how to respond, so Iignored the manifesto and hoped someone else would deal with it.
And—what do you know?—I had a fiancé who was already on top of it. With no prompting from me, he sent a measured, perfect response that left my mom feeling respected, listened to and accepting of our plans.
----
From: Dave
To: Susan
Cc: Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Wedding thoughts (long)
Dear Susan,
Thanks for communicating everything to us. I don’t have some castle-in-the-clouds idea of how this thing has to go. And right now it’s hard to wrap my head around rethinking the venue from thousands of miles away during my first year of law school. I just want a wedding that brings together our two families and friends to celebrate what is hands-down the most important event of my life.
Since college, Seattle is the only place both of us call home. Court in the Square is green, open-aired, full of old exposed brick, versatile, spacious, and the feel of six-story glass ceilings is hard to beat. It’s the awesomest [sic] reception venue we saw.
A reception on the island would require guests to drive afterwards, which will worry me. Even if someone has only one drink before leaving, there’s still a liability [OMG, my budding lawyer man!] that doesn’t exist in a city crawling with taxis. I personally like the idea of an event where the generations meet and celebrate together, but I imagine all the grandparents will trickle out early…We’ll do our best to make it as easy as possible for both of our families.
Our wedding will be an overwhelmingly happy and positive experience for me even if it rains on us and all the guests end up in jail for the night. Everything else aside, it will be the day we start our own family, and that won’t be affected by the logistics.
Your thoughts are important to me (us) and we want to make our families happy!
—Dave
----
Wow. He’s good, too. Any guy who can say awesomest with a straight face is a keeper, for sure.
My mom and Dave both had great points, and ultimately we decided not to completely rethink our wedding. Dave and I were both happy with the venue we’d already chosen. Still, I understood how important it was to my parents to host our family and friends on their home turf, so I asked Mommy to have a welcome barbecue for our immediate families and wedding party the Thursday before our wedding.
The barbecue went off without a hitch and was the perfect way to reunite with relatives I hadn’t seen in years. My mom got the hosting bug out of her system, and we eased into the wedding weekend, content with the way things played out.
----
CHEAT SHEET
DID YOUR FANTASIES ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
AT WINDSOR CASTLE DISTRACT YOU FROM YOUR
READING? HERE’S YOUR CHEAT SHEET:
Okay, yeah, you do get the final say. So use your power wisely. Don’t force a venue down your mother’s throat. Gently express how perfect your chosen venue will be for you and your
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