How Not to Date an Alien by Stephanie Burke Page A

expense.
    “It brings you pleasure to think so,” he admitted, before tearing her undies into so much confetti.
    So she was there, standing naked before her alien again, staring at the hot bath.
    “In,” he urged, placing a hand at the small of her back and guiding her closer to the tub.
    “It’s not too hot, is it?”
    “It is not.”
    “How do you know how hot humans like it?” she asked, eyeing the steaming water skeptically.
    “Because I have made an extensive study of humans,” he replied calmly. “And I know what temperatures cause you to boil.”
    “Well, there is what humans like and then there is what I prefer.”
    “I have studied you as well.” He smirked.
    “Me?” She turned to face him, shock plain on her face.
    “Yes, you, Kilana. Or did you think that I picked any female human who happened to be walking by?”
    “Well…”
    “I have been following you for days, Kilana. I have been watching you ever since I spotted you out walking along a hillside.”
    “Hill-” Kilana tried to think back a few days, wondering when she’d been outside and walking, then froze as she recalled what she had done.
    She had been anticipating her divorce papers and had driven herself downtown to get her mind off of things. But instead of spending the night at a trendy Fells Point bar or making her way to Federal Hill, she had gone to Fort McHenry. Once there, she walked along that brick walkway back dropped by the historic fort, and she had given in to her tears.
    She stood there, crying out her misery and, yes, her relief at being away from that verbally abusive man. She’d cried until she was cried out, and then she’d taken a seat on the lawn near the banks of the harbor, lain back in the grass, and counted stars.
    She stayed there staring up into the velvety night sky until her friends had called her on her cell and demanded that she meet them at her new townhouse for a housewarming.
    “That was a week ago.” She stared at Valan.
    “And that was when your beauty drew my attention. I’ve followed you since then, noting your likes and your dislikes, and because of this, I know what temperature you prefer your baths.”
    “How?”
    “I have the technology, Kilana. I know your brand of toothpaste, of mouthwash, of tampons —”
    “Tampons?”
    “I made a very exhaustive study of you, Kilana.” He shook his head yes. “You are a very fascinating creature. This is why you were chosen for the hunt.”
    “Because I fascinate you?”
    “That and because of your warm and sparking personality. You intrigue me.
    And your body, it arouses me. That arousal is enhanced when you add your personality. You are a beautiful person.”
    For once she didn’t know what to say.
    “And now that you know I have studied you, I am asking you to get into the tub.”
    The alien had been unflinchingly honest with her, and for some reason, she trusted him. Touched and amazed, Kilana moved toward the tub and confidently placed one foot in.
    “And you still are going to eat me?” she asked, sinking into the perfectly heated water.
    “Right after I bathe you. You will be relaxed and pleasured and ready for feasting.”
    “Because you respect me, you like me, you are going to eat me?” she clarified.
    “It is one of the highest honors a male can give,” he assured her.
    “Is it going to hurt?”
    “Only if I do it wrong.” He seemed puzzled by her statement.
    “This whole thing just seems wrong.” She sighed, sinking in until only her head rested above the water, settling back onto her favorite bath pillow. “If you like someone, respect them and are intrigued by them, you don’t kill and eat them.”
    “Kill?” He knelt beside the tub, looking a bit perplexed. “Why would I kill you?”
    “To eat, unless you are planning on eating me alive —”
    “Is this a kink I know nothing about?” he asked. “It would be pointless to eat dead flesh. The decaying process is immediate in humans, and the very thought