How to Fight Presidents: Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country by Daniel O'Brien Page B

of his time to pursuing those goals. Polk’s to-do list was impressive enough for most presidents, but Polk decided to do the political equivalent of tying one hand behind his back, saying, “Oh, and by the way, I’m going to do it all
in just one term
,” and then he dramatically dropped his microphone and walked offstage (or would have, had microphones been invented yet. He probably just dropped a pen or fist-bumped his vice president or something instead).
    Despite this ambitious plan, a combination of Polk’s passion and intensity helped him pull it off. He accomplished all of his goals, including giving us Texas, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, and Washington. He also got us California, first by trying to buy it, but when Mexico said “Uh, we’re not actually selling,” he just straight up took it from them in the Mexican-American War (a domestic war successfully taken care of in one term
and wasn’t even on his list
). Polk made America bigger (which, as any scientist will tell you, means he also made it better), and he fulfilled America’s Manifest Destiny by expanding our territory to the Western shores.And he did it in less than four years, just like he said he would. When it was time to plan for his second term, Polk looked around at his accomplishments and simply said, “Nah, I’m good. Pretty much nailed it in one,” and chose not to seek reelection. There’s not a single other president in the history of America that can boast a similar success rate.
    Not only did Polk knock his presidency out of the park in one term, he did it almost entirely by himself. Dubbed the “Lone Wolf President” by at least one guy who writes books about fighting presidents, Polk had a problem trusting anyone who wasn’t his wife. Whenever he was faced with a problem, he opted to handle things himself, and that didn’t change when he rose to the highest office in the land. He once said that he preferred to “supervise the whole operations of Government myself rather than entrust the public business to subordinates and this makes my duties very great.” It was fortunate that the Democrats had both the House and the Senate during his administration, because Lord knows what would have happened if Congress tried to get in his way. Polk was simply a man who embraced the policy of doing something yourself if you wanted it done right. He had Congress to back him up, and, hey, it worked for him, and that’s why today America is America “from sea to shining sea” and not America “from sea to wherever Mexico or Great Britain says ‘stop.’ ”
    He died three months after leaving office of “chronic diarrhea” and, let’s face it, of “utter humiliation at dying from chronic diarrhea.” He was fifty-three years old. It was a tragic end to an incredible presidency but also proof that Polk knew what he was doing when he chose not to try for a second term. He was put on this Earth to spread America to the West Coast and, having finished the work assigned to him, he knew it was time to go. He didn’t just leave the White House after his work was done; he left
life
. The man knew how to quit when he was ahead.
    Described even by his enemies as “the hardest-working man in Washington” (making him our James Browniest president), Polk’s determination and passion drove everything in his life. Still, while Polkcan drive as ruthlessly as he wants, that doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day he’s a small, sickly fellow without a tremendous amount of fighting experience. He had Andrew Jackson for a terrifying mentor, which is intimidating, but unlike Jackson, he actually
refused
to take part in duels when the challenge was thrown down, and never issued challenges even when his honor was insulted. There’s more than a good chance that you’ve got Polk beat in terms of both size and experience, because he was so obsessed with politics that he never really got good at anything else,