this because I’d written them.
‘Yes, yes, no, it’s just Nicola. Okay fine,’ he was saying to the vase. ‘Yes, go ahead then. Okay. Bye.’
He signed off with the vase and I gaped at him. ‘Er, Mr Sulli, James, I wanted to … I needed to …’ Now I had completely forgotten why I was there. My eyes flicked back to the vase around his neck.
‘Nicola, this must look a little strange.’
I sighed with relief. He had at least noticed that he was coming across unusually .
‘Well, I didn’t want to say but I … you see … um … CONTRACT,’ I eventually shouted, brandishing the bunch of paper before him. ‘I wanted you to sign this,’ I said, finally remembering the original reason for my visit to his office.
‘You have small hands, don’t you, Nicola?’ he stated.
‘Er …’
WHAT was going on today?
‘Um, yes. I suppose they are fairly small,’ I said in a barely-there voice.
‘Well, you’re a woman so they must be smaller,’ he muttered, unlooping the vase from around his neck.
‘… Smaller than what?’ Children? Hobbits? What was he on about?
‘You see, Nicola, I have managed to, er, drop my mobile phone in this vase and I can’t get it out because of all these stupid blue baubles that keep sliding out and getting in the way. I don’t want to smash it because it is a present from Thalia and she is bound to ask me to produce it at some point and I don’t—’
‘—Fine,’ I put up my hand to stop his explanation. Then I smiled at him. The relief in my face must have been apparent because he started laughing.
‘Probably looks like I’ve lost the plot, eh?’ he hazarded a guess. ‘Talking to the vase?’
‘Something like that.’
He placed the vase on the desk and I peered inside. I could make out the mobile phone but knew my hands weren’t that small. I had a go. James looked at me hopefully as I plunged my hand in, face scrunched in concentration, fingers wriggling around to see if they could clasp at anything. Every time we tipped the vase, the blue baubles slid over the phone.
‘I’m sorry,’ I gave up after a good five minutes of digging around.
‘Hammer it is,’ James sighed, realising there was little chance of seeing his mobile again otherwise. ‘Thanks anyway, Nicola.’
‘Not at all.’ I shrugged. A few awkward seconds passed before I remembered again why I was there. ‘Contract! I need you to sign it!’ I explained holding out a pen and the pieces of paper. He quickly scrawled his name on them and before he could say anything else I bolted back towards the main office. Curiosity overwhelming me, I paused in the doorway. ‘So how did you answer the …’
I was cut off by his mobile ringing again and watched as he produced a biro, leant over the vase and jabbed at the mobile. Then he grinned at me. ‘Hello,’ he answered. ‘Hi Thalia, you’re on loudspeaker.’
I smiled back and nodded at him. He shrugged his shoulders and put the vase back around his neck.
I was still smiling as I returned to my desk.
‘Oh good, Nicola,’ Caroline began the moment I’d taken my seat.
Oh God.
‘Yes,’ I sighed.
‘I’m just sitting here thinking of all the latest films at the cinema and I’m wondering what your favourite film is.’
‘Um … I can’t think, I don’t have a favourite.’
‘Oh.’ Her shoulders slumped. She looked crestfallen. Wow. She must be really interested in films.
‘I like a good drama,’ I said, trying to buck her up a little.
‘Oh goody! Any one in particular? Say, Legends of the Fall ? Or The English Patient ? Last of the —’
‘—Yes, yes The English Patient , that’s my favourite,’ I said quickly, before she continued her list of movies.
‘Righto.’ She beamed at me and clicked her mouse. She was a strange one.
The morning passed by in a similar vein. By 2 p.m. Caroline had asked if I played any unusual sports, had enquired as to whether I was a Christian, a Hindu, an atheist, a Sikh, an agnostic or
‘Yes, yes, no, it’s just Nicola. Okay fine,’ he was saying to the vase. ‘Yes, go ahead then. Okay. Bye.’
He signed off with the vase and I gaped at him. ‘Er, Mr Sulli, James, I wanted to … I needed to …’ Now I had completely forgotten why I was there. My eyes flicked back to the vase around his neck.
‘Nicola, this must look a little strange.’
I sighed with relief. He had at least noticed that he was coming across unusually .
‘Well, I didn’t want to say but I … you see … um … CONTRACT,’ I eventually shouted, brandishing the bunch of paper before him. ‘I wanted you to sign this,’ I said, finally remembering the original reason for my visit to his office.
‘You have small hands, don’t you, Nicola?’ he stated.
‘Er …’
WHAT was going on today?
‘Um, yes. I suppose they are fairly small,’ I said in a barely-there voice.
‘Well, you’re a woman so they must be smaller,’ he muttered, unlooping the vase from around his neck.
‘… Smaller than what?’ Children? Hobbits? What was he on about?
‘You see, Nicola, I have managed to, er, drop my mobile phone in this vase and I can’t get it out because of all these stupid blue baubles that keep sliding out and getting in the way. I don’t want to smash it because it is a present from Thalia and she is bound to ask me to produce it at some point and I don’t—’
‘—Fine,’ I put up my hand to stop his explanation. Then I smiled at him. The relief in my face must have been apparent because he started laughing.
‘Probably looks like I’ve lost the plot, eh?’ he hazarded a guess. ‘Talking to the vase?’
‘Something like that.’
He placed the vase on the desk and I peered inside. I could make out the mobile phone but knew my hands weren’t that small. I had a go. James looked at me hopefully as I plunged my hand in, face scrunched in concentration, fingers wriggling around to see if they could clasp at anything. Every time we tipped the vase, the blue baubles slid over the phone.
‘I’m sorry,’ I gave up after a good five minutes of digging around.
‘Hammer it is,’ James sighed, realising there was little chance of seeing his mobile again otherwise. ‘Thanks anyway, Nicola.’
‘Not at all.’ I shrugged. A few awkward seconds passed before I remembered again why I was there. ‘Contract! I need you to sign it!’ I explained holding out a pen and the pieces of paper. He quickly scrawled his name on them and before he could say anything else I bolted back towards the main office. Curiosity overwhelming me, I paused in the doorway. ‘So how did you answer the …’
I was cut off by his mobile ringing again and watched as he produced a biro, leant over the vase and jabbed at the mobile. Then he grinned at me. ‘Hello,’ he answered. ‘Hi Thalia, you’re on loudspeaker.’
I smiled back and nodded at him. He shrugged his shoulders and put the vase back around his neck.
I was still smiling as I returned to my desk.
‘Oh good, Nicola,’ Caroline began the moment I’d taken my seat.
Oh God.
‘Yes,’ I sighed.
‘I’m just sitting here thinking of all the latest films at the cinema and I’m wondering what your favourite film is.’
‘Um … I can’t think, I don’t have a favourite.’
‘Oh.’ Her shoulders slumped. She looked crestfallen. Wow. She must be really interested in films.
‘I like a good drama,’ I said, trying to buck her up a little.
‘Oh goody! Any one in particular? Say, Legends of the Fall ? Or The English Patient ? Last of the —’
‘—Yes, yes The English Patient , that’s my favourite,’ I said quickly, before she continued her list of movies.
‘Righto.’ She beamed at me and clicked her mouse. She was a strange one.
The morning passed by in a similar vein. By 2 p.m. Caroline had asked if I played any unusual sports, had enquired as to whether I was a Christian, a Hindu, an atheist, a Sikh, an agnostic or
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