her how she is, then say you need advice because he hasn’t called back in forty-eight hours and you’re wondering if you
should leave another message with his pot-smoking roommate.
c. Tell her you can’t go out on Friday night because you forgot you had plans with the new guy to meet his parents. (Which is
weird—it’s not like you’re his girlfriend or anything.)→
3. When you throw a party you:
a. Send an e-mail to your friends, plus the guy you’re dating, plus a guy who has a crush on you, plus an ex who’ll do in a
pinch, and prepare yourself to have one hell of a good time.
b. Make up an excuse to have a party in the first place. (“
Of course
I can have a housewarming even though I’ve been living here for a year.”) Casually ask him if he’ll come, then call your
friends and tell them they have to come because he’s coming. Drop $950 on a designer dress from the Colette Web site. Then
spend the day of the party desperately trying to whip up spanakopita and lobster spring rolls.
c. Send an Evite to all your friends, including the guy you like, telling them what time and when. Then buy hummus, pita bread,
beer, and wine, and make sure you have enough toilet paper in the bathroom.
4. The morning after a first date you’re most likely to:
a. Wake him for another quickie, then bid him adieu by saying, “I’ll give you a call,” even though you secretly suspect you
won’t bother—he didn’t exactly flip your switch.
b. Go to brunch with the girls, where you happily dish on what he was wearing, what he ordered, what he said when he kissed
you good night.
c. Skip brunch to stay home by the phone in case he calls, getting so frustrated by 5 P.M . that you call him to say, “So, what? You’re never going to call again,
is that it
?”
5. He takes you out to dinner with a group of his friends, and they all start talking about a rock show they’re going to that
weekend (and you haven’t been invited). You:
a. Spend the next day frantically trying to get tickets, and when you do, pretend bumping into him at the show is some kind
of crazy coincidence.
b. Don’t care. You have a date that night with someone else anyway.
c. Feel hurt but figure it’s fair—truth is you sometimes go out with your friends and don’t invite him.
→THE FILLY ANSWER KEY
Give yourself points as indicated:
1. a=2 b=1 c=3
2. a=3 b=2 c=1
3. a=1 b=3 c=2
4. a=1 b=2 c=3
5. a=3 b=1 c=2
12 to 15: You couldn’t be a stalker more. You’ll do anything—break plans with your best friend, throw a party for no reason—to have
access to this guy, and he’s probably going to file a restraining order. How about focusing on why you think you need him
so desperately? You may realize you don’t need guys that much, especially since, if you’re always this boy crazy, you probably
spend a lot of time alone.
9 to 11: Nobody is normal, but you’re in range. Sometimes you get a mad crush that inspires you to buy a dress you can’t afford; other
times you meet a guy you think could be likable, but eventually decide isn’t worth the wear he’ll put on the bottoms of your
shoes. At least your friends don’t think you’re psycho—you still have time to listen to their problems—and their assurances
that you just haven’t met the right guy yet are probably true.
5 to 8: You’re so unavailable, every guy you meet probably wants you. But only because they can’t have you. You use them for sex,
you use them for entertainment, and you use them to make you feel strong. Sound good? Actually, no. Open up a little. You
might get hurt, but at least you’ll have a shot at being happy.
I called Max back the next day, and he asked if I was free for dinner that night. Now, I should have said I was busy to sound
more in-demand, but I couldn’t help myself. (Okay, I muttered something about having
had
dinner plans, but said they were canceled. Like he fell for that.) He asked
should leave another message with his pot-smoking roommate.
c. Tell her you can’t go out on Friday night because you forgot you had plans with the new guy to meet his parents. (Which is
weird—it’s not like you’re his girlfriend or anything.)→
3. When you throw a party you:
a. Send an e-mail to your friends, plus the guy you’re dating, plus a guy who has a crush on you, plus an ex who’ll do in a
pinch, and prepare yourself to have one hell of a good time.
b. Make up an excuse to have a party in the first place. (“
Of course
I can have a housewarming even though I’ve been living here for a year.”) Casually ask him if he’ll come, then call your
friends and tell them they have to come because he’s coming. Drop $950 on a designer dress from the Colette Web site. Then
spend the day of the party desperately trying to whip up spanakopita and lobster spring rolls.
c. Send an Evite to all your friends, including the guy you like, telling them what time and when. Then buy hummus, pita bread,
beer, and wine, and make sure you have enough toilet paper in the bathroom.
4. The morning after a first date you’re most likely to:
a. Wake him for another quickie, then bid him adieu by saying, “I’ll give you a call,” even though you secretly suspect you
won’t bother—he didn’t exactly flip your switch.
b. Go to brunch with the girls, where you happily dish on what he was wearing, what he ordered, what he said when he kissed
you good night.
c. Skip brunch to stay home by the phone in case he calls, getting so frustrated by 5 P.M . that you call him to say, “So, what? You’re never going to call again,
is that it
?”
5. He takes you out to dinner with a group of his friends, and they all start talking about a rock show they’re going to that
weekend (and you haven’t been invited). You:
a. Spend the next day frantically trying to get tickets, and when you do, pretend bumping into him at the show is some kind
of crazy coincidence.
b. Don’t care. You have a date that night with someone else anyway.
c. Feel hurt but figure it’s fair—truth is you sometimes go out with your friends and don’t invite him.
→THE FILLY ANSWER KEY
Give yourself points as indicated:
1. a=2 b=1 c=3
2. a=3 b=2 c=1
3. a=1 b=3 c=2
4. a=1 b=2 c=3
5. a=3 b=1 c=2
12 to 15: You couldn’t be a stalker more. You’ll do anything—break plans with your best friend, throw a party for no reason—to have
access to this guy, and he’s probably going to file a restraining order. How about focusing on why you think you need him
so desperately? You may realize you don’t need guys that much, especially since, if you’re always this boy crazy, you probably
spend a lot of time alone.
9 to 11: Nobody is normal, but you’re in range. Sometimes you get a mad crush that inspires you to buy a dress you can’t afford; other
times you meet a guy you think could be likable, but eventually decide isn’t worth the wear he’ll put on the bottoms of your
shoes. At least your friends don’t think you’re psycho—you still have time to listen to their problems—and their assurances
that you just haven’t met the right guy yet are probably true.
5 to 8: You’re so unavailable, every guy you meet probably wants you. But only because they can’t have you. You use them for sex,
you use them for entertainment, and you use them to make you feel strong. Sound good? Actually, no. Open up a little. You
might get hurt, but at least you’ll have a shot at being happy.
I called Max back the next day, and he asked if I was free for dinner that night. Now, I should have said I was busy to sound
more in-demand, but I couldn’t help myself. (Okay, I muttered something about having
had
dinner plans, but said they were canceled. Like he fell for that.) He asked
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