How To Steal a Car

How To Steal a Car by Pete Hautman

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Authors: Pete Hautman
Tags: Fiction
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what to do, so I got in the car and sat there for a while, but that was both boring and nerve-racking, so I drove around the block with the window rolled down. I noticed some lights about three blocks away. A gas station. I drove over and pulled in and there she was slumped against the wall by a Mountain Dew machine, looking like the sorriest homeless girl you ever saw.
    According to Jen (I’m going to shorten this because it took her half an hour to tell it), they kicked her out of the Frostop right after she talked to me, and then she hung around on the street for a while, but these nasty-looking guys in a pickup drove by twice, the second time real slow, and they were staring at her, so she ran down to the gas station. She tried to call me again but her cell was dead.
    “I knew you’d find me,” she said.
    “You’re welcome,” I said.
    Jen looked around the Cadillac as if she was seeing it for the first time.
    “Hey,” she said, “I thought your dad had a Lexus.”

I don’t know how long the police car had been following us. I had just turned off the freeway and we were driving east on Thirty-sixth when I finally noticed it. I was pretty sure I hadn’t done anything wrong, but he was right behind me. I hoped I didn’t have a burned-out taillight or anything.
    I said to Jen, “Don’t look, but there’s a police car behind us.”
    She turned and looked. “Omigod,” she said.
    “I said, don’t look.”
    She turned back around and slumped low in her seat. “Omigod,” she said.
    I couldn’t keep my eyes off the rearview mirror. Waiting for his lights to start flashing. We were coming up to the intersection by Cub Foods when the traffic light turned yellow. I had enough time to make it through the light. The police car behind me had to stop. I was just starting to breathe normally when I saw his lights begin to flash, and he drove right through the red light and came after us.
    I turned left at the first side street and punched it.
    Some people think Cadillacs are grandma-grandpa cars, but the Hallsteds’ Cadillac took off so fast my head slammed back into the headrest. Jen let out a shriek. I made a screeching right turn at the end of the block just as the police car turned off Thirty-sixth, then another quick right into an alley and I punched it again. I wasn’t looking at the speedometerbut Jen told me later we were going seventy miles an hour down that alley. When we got to the end I had to slam on the brakes. I thought the car was going to roll over when I skidded out onto Thirty-sixth and almost smashed into a minivan. There was no sign of the cop. I made a quick left onto Regent and just kept going straight, blowing through three stop signs without even slowing down, until I was sure we’d lost him.
    Have I mentioned that Jen was screaming in my ear the whole time?
In movies, stealing cars looks very dramatic and exciting with lots of high-speed chases and screeching tires, but in real life it is something that happens quickly and quietly and mostly nobody notices except that the car is gone. But sometimes even the most careful car thieves must go to extreme measures to get away from the police. It is this possibility that makes auto theft so exciting.
    We left the car in the parking lot of a dental clinic—not the one I go to. Jen only had to walk a few blocks to get home. I had to walk almost a mile, and when I got there with my right ear still ringing from her screaming, I saw acop car at the end of the block, sitting at the curb with the lights off. He must have gotten the license number off the Hallsteds’ Cadillac and was watching their house. I stood behind the Frankels’ garden shed to see what he was going to do. After about twenty minutes, he turned on his headlights and pulled up in front of the Hallsteds’ and got out and rang their bell. Then he went back to his car and sat there for a few more minutes before driving away.
    I sneaked back into the Hallsteds’ and put the car key

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