He thought you were everything a wife should be…and he wanted to get me away from Amanda.’ He paused. ‘So he went behind my back and offered her a settlement. It was bad enough to discover what he had done, but then to learn that Amanda was only too willing for the right price.’
‘She accepted money?’ Ellen felt a little ripple of shock.
‘She was everything that he said she was. He paid her the entire Stanley fortune. A few weeks later she was Marsdon’s mistress.’
Ellen was reeling from what he was telling her.
Marcus continued on, his voice low and controlled, yet she could hear the emotion within it. ‘My mother was forced to sell the family jewels. My sisters denied their come-outs. They were unable to afford the upkeep of Tollerton. Living like paupers in one room.’
Ellen listened and it all fell into place. ‘He did it as a means to make you marry me?’
‘Yes.’ She barely heard his whisper. ‘He knew I could not leave them in such penury.’
And she understood. At last. He had married her for her fortune. He had wished to marry another. But none of it had been as she thought.
‘I felt humiliated and hurt, a damned fool. I felt powerless as to my own fate and betrayed twice over. And angry beyond words. So angry, Ellen.’
Everything that she had felt. He had been hurt and humiliated as much as she. And she was ashamed of what she had set out to do to him.
‘I could tell you nothing of it. You were so tender and innocent and, besides, what man could tell such things to his new bride? It would have hurt you beyond reason. I did not know what to do so I threw myself into my work to try to forget.’
All the hours he had worked. All those meetings when she had thought he was avoiding her.
‘I did my duty to my family. And I tried to do my duty to you.’
‘I did not want duty, Marcus.’
He looked at her and felt his heart ache with regret.
‘You were so distant. And always with that underlying current of resentment. I tried to talk to you…I tried to reach you but it felt like there was a breach between us that I could never cross.’
‘I thought I was protecting you from the angry feelings I felt towards my father and Amanda. I knew I had made a mess of things—I just did not realise how very badly.’
She closed her eyes.
‘I’m so sorry, Ellen. I never meant to hurt you.’
‘The anger and resentment are gone,’ she said slowly.
‘I’ve grown up. I realise my father did what he did only to save me from the biggest mistake of my life. And I see now what he saw then—the truth of Amanda…and of you, Ellen. I was a fool not to see what was before my very eyes. A fool not to see what was between us.’
‘But after we made love, you left, went to your office. I thought that having had what you wanted from me it was all going to go back to as it had been before.’
‘I went to my office to tell them I was taking you away on honeymoon first thing in the morning. Arlesford has a snug little hunting lodge up in the country near Amersham where we can stay undisturbed by the world. I have a lot to make up to you, Ellen.’
Their eyes met and held.
‘If I had not come back to London…’ she said.
‘Did your father not tell you?’
She shook her head.
‘I was coming down to Southampton to fetch you at the end of the month. I wanted us to start again.’
She could hear the thud of her heart in the silence. ‘I have not told you why I returned to London.’ She swallowed down the boulder lodged in her throat and screwed all her courage to the task. She knew she had to tell him so that there was only honesty between them. No matter what it cost her. ‘I came to seduce you, Marcus, to make you desire me. I planned to walk away and leave you unsatisfied. I wanted some small semblance of power, some salve to my pride. I wanted to show you how it felt, how very much it hurt. So that you would understand.’
‘But you did not stick to your
‘She accepted money?’ Ellen felt a little ripple of shock.
‘She was everything that he said she was. He paid her the entire Stanley fortune. A few weeks later she was Marsdon’s mistress.’
Ellen was reeling from what he was telling her.
Marcus continued on, his voice low and controlled, yet she could hear the emotion within it. ‘My mother was forced to sell the family jewels. My sisters denied their come-outs. They were unable to afford the upkeep of Tollerton. Living like paupers in one room.’
Ellen listened and it all fell into place. ‘He did it as a means to make you marry me?’
‘Yes.’ She barely heard his whisper. ‘He knew I could not leave them in such penury.’
And she understood. At last. He had married her for her fortune. He had wished to marry another. But none of it had been as she thought.
‘I felt humiliated and hurt, a damned fool. I felt powerless as to my own fate and betrayed twice over. And angry beyond words. So angry, Ellen.’
Everything that she had felt. He had been hurt and humiliated as much as she. And she was ashamed of what she had set out to do to him.
‘I could tell you nothing of it. You were so tender and innocent and, besides, what man could tell such things to his new bride? It would have hurt you beyond reason. I did not know what to do so I threw myself into my work to try to forget.’
All the hours he had worked. All those meetings when she had thought he was avoiding her.
‘I did my duty to my family. And I tried to do my duty to you.’
‘I did not want duty, Marcus.’
He looked at her and felt his heart ache with regret.
‘You were so distant. And always with that underlying current of resentment. I tried to talk to you…I tried to reach you but it felt like there was a breach between us that I could never cross.’
‘I thought I was protecting you from the angry feelings I felt towards my father and Amanda. I knew I had made a mess of things—I just did not realise how very badly.’
She closed her eyes.
‘I’m so sorry, Ellen. I never meant to hurt you.’
‘The anger and resentment are gone,’ she said slowly.
‘I’ve grown up. I realise my father did what he did only to save me from the biggest mistake of my life. And I see now what he saw then—the truth of Amanda…and of you, Ellen. I was a fool not to see what was before my very eyes. A fool not to see what was between us.’
‘But after we made love, you left, went to your office. I thought that having had what you wanted from me it was all going to go back to as it had been before.’
‘I went to my office to tell them I was taking you away on honeymoon first thing in the morning. Arlesford has a snug little hunting lodge up in the country near Amersham where we can stay undisturbed by the world. I have a lot to make up to you, Ellen.’
Their eyes met and held.
‘If I had not come back to London…’ she said.
‘Did your father not tell you?’
She shook her head.
‘I was coming down to Southampton to fetch you at the end of the month. I wanted us to start again.’
She could hear the thud of her heart in the silence. ‘I have not told you why I returned to London.’ She swallowed down the boulder lodged in her throat and screwed all her courage to the task. She knew she had to tell him so that there was only honesty between them. No matter what it cost her. ‘I came to seduce you, Marcus, to make you desire me. I planned to walk away and leave you unsatisfied. I wanted some small semblance of power, some salve to my pride. I wanted to show you how it felt, how very much it hurt. So that you would understand.’
‘But you did not stick to your
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