cocktail dress and lightweight jacket. Erik released my hand and worked his arms out of his own coat, wrapping it around my trembling shoulders. I smiled, grateful for the extra layer of protection against the cold and grime of the metro station.
Erik led the way down the remaining escalator steps and out on to the lower platform. Several stone slabs that served as benches for long forgotten waiting passengers lined the space between the two tracks. I followed Erik, watching with undisguised skepticism as he sat on the edge of the closest bench.
The beam from Erik’s flashlight emphasized large fissures in the stone, making me doubt the structural integrity of the bench. It looked as though it would give way at any moment. Erik beckoned me over, his amused expression seeming out of place in such a desolate station. Deciding that if the bench held him, it would hold me too, I gingerly sat down.
The stone was cold against the backs of my thighs and the thin dress provided little protection. I pulled Erik’s jacket tighter around my body. His eyes were on me, his mind reading my thoughts as I surveyed the surroundings. I tried to imagine kids my age drinking and laughing, playing music, dancing even. Try as I might, my imagination wasn’t that good. Everywhere I looked, I saw abandonment.
“So, are you going to tell me why you brought me down here tonight?” I asked, returning my focus to Erik.
“Privacy. This is the only place I know of without cameras or listening devices or people watching our every move. I feel safe here. Like I can be me.” Erik sounded wistful and a little sad.
I stared at him, questioning his sanity. The metro station felt the opposite of safe. Shadows lurked around every corner. The unmistakable squeak of rodents echoed off the cavernous walls. Water trickled somewhere in the distance, the steady drip grating my nerves. I scooted closer to Erik.
“I can’t even begin to understand how hard the last couple of weeks have been,” Erik began, speaking aloud for the first time.
“I’m okay,” I mumbled quickly, turning away from his imploring gaze. I was so used to people asking me how I was doing or assuming they knew how I felt, the response was automatic.
“It’s just us down here, Tal. You don’t need to pretend you’re fine,” Erik replied, gently. “Want to tell me what happened in the courtroom?”
In the days that followed the scene in the courtroom, I lived in a state of shock. If nothing else, the counseling sessions with Dr. Wythe helped bring me back to the present when all I wanted was to sit in my room and lose myself in the memories of my parents. I hated that the psychotherapist was the only person I was allowed to talk to about Penny and what she showed me. When Mac finally allowed Erik to come visit me, he made sure we were never alone. Either Mac or Gretchen hovered within earshot at all times. I was so paranoid that I didn’t even trust that our mental communications were private. Fear that Gretchen might be listening in or that my out of control emotions would affect my ability to project my thoughts only to Erik kept me from sharing with the only person I actually wanted to confide in.
But now sitting in that filthy, decrepit subway station with Erik, I couldn’t find the words. So much had happened, I didn’t even know where to begin. Panic constricted my lungs, making my breaths come out in ragged gasps. My stomach felt as though it was on the spin cycle.
“Look at me, Tal.” Erik’s words were barely a whisper, but they sounded like shouts breaking through the silence. I turned to face him. Calm poured over me the instant I met his eyes.
Instead of telling Erik what had happened, I decided to show him; I grabbed both his hands firmly in mine. The physical contact wasn’t necessary, but the feel of his skin on mine gave me strength.
“Open your mind,” I whispered hoarsely. He complied without hesitation. I closed my eyes and allowed all of the
Erik led the way down the remaining escalator steps and out on to the lower platform. Several stone slabs that served as benches for long forgotten waiting passengers lined the space between the two tracks. I followed Erik, watching with undisguised skepticism as he sat on the edge of the closest bench.
The beam from Erik’s flashlight emphasized large fissures in the stone, making me doubt the structural integrity of the bench. It looked as though it would give way at any moment. Erik beckoned me over, his amused expression seeming out of place in such a desolate station. Deciding that if the bench held him, it would hold me too, I gingerly sat down.
The stone was cold against the backs of my thighs and the thin dress provided little protection. I pulled Erik’s jacket tighter around my body. His eyes were on me, his mind reading my thoughts as I surveyed the surroundings. I tried to imagine kids my age drinking and laughing, playing music, dancing even. Try as I might, my imagination wasn’t that good. Everywhere I looked, I saw abandonment.
“So, are you going to tell me why you brought me down here tonight?” I asked, returning my focus to Erik.
“Privacy. This is the only place I know of without cameras or listening devices or people watching our every move. I feel safe here. Like I can be me.” Erik sounded wistful and a little sad.
I stared at him, questioning his sanity. The metro station felt the opposite of safe. Shadows lurked around every corner. The unmistakable squeak of rodents echoed off the cavernous walls. Water trickled somewhere in the distance, the steady drip grating my nerves. I scooted closer to Erik.
“I can’t even begin to understand how hard the last couple of weeks have been,” Erik began, speaking aloud for the first time.
“I’m okay,” I mumbled quickly, turning away from his imploring gaze. I was so used to people asking me how I was doing or assuming they knew how I felt, the response was automatic.
“It’s just us down here, Tal. You don’t need to pretend you’re fine,” Erik replied, gently. “Want to tell me what happened in the courtroom?”
In the days that followed the scene in the courtroom, I lived in a state of shock. If nothing else, the counseling sessions with Dr. Wythe helped bring me back to the present when all I wanted was to sit in my room and lose myself in the memories of my parents. I hated that the psychotherapist was the only person I was allowed to talk to about Penny and what she showed me. When Mac finally allowed Erik to come visit me, he made sure we were never alone. Either Mac or Gretchen hovered within earshot at all times. I was so paranoid that I didn’t even trust that our mental communications were private. Fear that Gretchen might be listening in or that my out of control emotions would affect my ability to project my thoughts only to Erik kept me from sharing with the only person I actually wanted to confide in.
But now sitting in that filthy, decrepit subway station with Erik, I couldn’t find the words. So much had happened, I didn’t even know where to begin. Panic constricted my lungs, making my breaths come out in ragged gasps. My stomach felt as though it was on the spin cycle.
“Look at me, Tal.” Erik’s words were barely a whisper, but they sounded like shouts breaking through the silence. I turned to face him. Calm poured over me the instant I met his eyes.
Instead of telling Erik what had happened, I decided to show him; I grabbed both his hands firmly in mine. The physical contact wasn’t necessary, but the feel of his skin on mine gave me strength.
“Open your mind,” I whispered hoarsely. He complied without hesitation. I closed my eyes and allowed all of the
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