unbothered. So I tapped him on the arm. “Whose dad are you?”
He didn’t even meet my eyes. I was over thirty, unfuckable. Not like these young girls who were brand-new and soft. I would find out his name, humiliate him if I had to. Make sure that Callie never crossed his path again.
He shook his head. “I’m nobody’s dad. I’m just here for Dougie.”
Dallas’s dad—Doug Price—was nowhere in sight. The man combed his hand through his wavy hair and didn’t offer me his name. I wouldn’t introduce myself either. I would just stand here blocking his way. I would follow him around if I had to, making sure he kept his hands to himself. I hated the fact that our girls were now so visible to men like this. That they had to be stared at, drooled over, and considered from all angles. At fourteen they were just coming to grips with themselves, trying to feel comfortable, but a man’s gaze could change all that. It could shrivel and sap their power.
“How do you know Doug?” I demanded, as Dallas went galloping past. The man ignored my question, turning his head to watch Dallas. Then he stuck out his hand, swiping the air like he wanted to catch her.
“Excuse you!” I said, but my voice was lost beneath his.
“Oh, your pants are on fiiiiiiiiiire!”
Dallas twirled around and leaned forward, touching the fabric on her chest. And I imagined kicking him in the legs, shouting that he needed to leave right now. What I did instead was strictly impulsive, and easy to misinterpret. One of the people who saw it happen thought she saw us making out. Later, a mom would snarkily comment I’d looked cozy with the rock star, and I’d realize that the man I threatened was actually Doug’s celebrity. But I didn’t see any other options. Sometimes arrogance needs to be challenged.
I grabbed hold of his shoulder, pulling him down to my level, and then I pressed my mouth to his hair and whispered in his ear. “I know what you’re thinking. Leave her alone.” The man jerked his head away from me, and I saw that he was furious, the words of the hyacinth girls hissing in his brain. I watched him turn to leave the party and felt power rushing through me—like a thirteen-year-old girl who’s just realized what she can do.
All My Interactions with Robyn Doblak, #3
For Rebecca/From Callie
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: You asleep?
Date: Thu, Dec 25 2008, 23:18:02
Heyyyyy Callie!
Guess what—I ordered my pit bull wristband. I was going to IM you but you’re NEVER on. So I wanted to see if you had a merry sucky Christmas. My Xmas was sucky and not very merry. I didn’t get a dog, everyone was fake jolly, and I was like I COULD KILL CHRISTMAS, I COULD BURN DOWN THE TREENN! It just felt like everyone was pretending in case my dad was watching, like we had to be all sunshine and gumdrops, totally fake! But when I’m messed up I can’t even hide it. I’m like how can we be happy when we’re all just thinking about Dad?
My friends and stuff don’t get it. They think I should be OVER it already, and because I’m not they think I’m doing it for more attention. Miss Baranski said it gets easier but I don’t WANT it to get easier. I don’t want to be happy and I’m SICK of being sad. Is it the same for you? You always seem happy. Hope your Xmas wasn’t as bad as mine.
xoRobyn
—
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: You asleep?
DATE: Fri, Dec 26 2008, 8:42:47
Robyn sorry your Xmas was sucky—I kinda know what you mean. I used to feel the same way with everyone sitting there watching me. It was like they felt seriously sorry for me, thinking they knew EVERYTHING about me. As if they’d already decided my whole life story and they didn’t care if they were wrong. So one year I kind of went crazy. I waited till everyone was opening presents. Then I went into the kitchen and got LOTS of ketchup. I put it all over my hair and face so it
He didn’t even meet my eyes. I was over thirty, unfuckable. Not like these young girls who were brand-new and soft. I would find out his name, humiliate him if I had to. Make sure that Callie never crossed his path again.
He shook his head. “I’m nobody’s dad. I’m just here for Dougie.”
Dallas’s dad—Doug Price—was nowhere in sight. The man combed his hand through his wavy hair and didn’t offer me his name. I wouldn’t introduce myself either. I would just stand here blocking his way. I would follow him around if I had to, making sure he kept his hands to himself. I hated the fact that our girls were now so visible to men like this. That they had to be stared at, drooled over, and considered from all angles. At fourteen they were just coming to grips with themselves, trying to feel comfortable, but a man’s gaze could change all that. It could shrivel and sap their power.
“How do you know Doug?” I demanded, as Dallas went galloping past. The man ignored my question, turning his head to watch Dallas. Then he stuck out his hand, swiping the air like he wanted to catch her.
“Excuse you!” I said, but my voice was lost beneath his.
“Oh, your pants are on fiiiiiiiiiire!”
Dallas twirled around and leaned forward, touching the fabric on her chest. And I imagined kicking him in the legs, shouting that he needed to leave right now. What I did instead was strictly impulsive, and easy to misinterpret. One of the people who saw it happen thought she saw us making out. Later, a mom would snarkily comment I’d looked cozy with the rock star, and I’d realize that the man I threatened was actually Doug’s celebrity. But I didn’t see any other options. Sometimes arrogance needs to be challenged.
I grabbed hold of his shoulder, pulling him down to my level, and then I pressed my mouth to his hair and whispered in his ear. “I know what you’re thinking. Leave her alone.” The man jerked his head away from me, and I saw that he was furious, the words of the hyacinth girls hissing in his brain. I watched him turn to leave the party and felt power rushing through me—like a thirteen-year-old girl who’s just realized what she can do.
All My Interactions with Robyn Doblak, #3
For Rebecca/From Callie
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: You asleep?
Date: Thu, Dec 25 2008, 23:18:02
Heyyyyy Callie!
Guess what—I ordered my pit bull wristband. I was going to IM you but you’re NEVER on. So I wanted to see if you had a merry sucky Christmas. My Xmas was sucky and not very merry. I didn’t get a dog, everyone was fake jolly, and I was like I COULD KILL CHRISTMAS, I COULD BURN DOWN THE TREENN! It just felt like everyone was pretending in case my dad was watching, like we had to be all sunshine and gumdrops, totally fake! But when I’m messed up I can’t even hide it. I’m like how can we be happy when we’re all just thinking about Dad?
My friends and stuff don’t get it. They think I should be OVER it already, and because I’m not they think I’m doing it for more attention. Miss Baranski said it gets easier but I don’t WANT it to get easier. I don’t want to be happy and I’m SICK of being sad. Is it the same for you? You always seem happy. Hope your Xmas wasn’t as bad as mine.
xoRobyn
—
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: You asleep?
DATE: Fri, Dec 26 2008, 8:42:47
Robyn sorry your Xmas was sucky—I kinda know what you mean. I used to feel the same way with everyone sitting there watching me. It was like they felt seriously sorry for me, thinking they knew EVERYTHING about me. As if they’d already decided my whole life story and they didn’t care if they were wrong. So one year I kind of went crazy. I waited till everyone was opening presents. Then I went into the kitchen and got LOTS of ketchup. I put it all over my hair and face so it
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