no right to be mad at a nigga!” Niq’ scoffed.
I shoved him in his shoulder. “Nigga, I never once lied to you! You can say a lot of things about me, but what you can’t call me is fake! I’m the realeast bitch you’ll ever meet! I keep it fuckin’ one hundred! Once you and I started kickin’ it together, I totally dissed everybody for you, and you know that shit!”
Niq just looked at me. “Kourtney, I didn’t know she was pregnant. That girl sprung that shit on me out of nowhere, and now, she barely lets me see my kids.”
“Well, good, muthafucka. That’s what you get. You should have kept your dick in your pants! You know I cared about you! You and I took baths together! You painted my toenails! You combed my hair! Nigga, you’d rub my back, legs, and feet after cheerleading practice! You got to my heart when I never let anyone else in! Do you have any fuckin’ idea what I’ve been through, Niq?” I pushed him again. “I thought I found my light at the end of that long, dark tunnel I was living in! I was living in hell on Earth, and you saved me! Just when I thought my life was getting better, you let me know that nothing had changed. That you were just a smoke screen. That my life was still fucked-up. That I still had nothing to live for. And I will always hate you for that, Niq.”
Niq’ looked into my face. “Kourtney Love.” I loved it when he called me that.
“Baby, I’m sorry.”
I looked at him, fighting back the tears. “I made the mistake of looking at the sonogram monitor when the doctors were examining me before the abortion. The baby was so tiny, but my baby had the strongest heartbeat. It was hard to tell his or her heartbeat from mine because,” I laughed off the pain, “our heartbeats were in sync. I was thirteen and scared out of my mind. I didn’t tell anyone but God about what I did.”
Niq’ held my hand in his.
“I really wanted your baby, Niq. And I really wanted you, but you were with her.” I cried out, finally crying after not shedding a tear once since the day he’d broken my heart.
“Let’s roll out, Ma.” Niq’ whispered to me.
I looked up at him and then over at the pool where Ernesto sat at the glass umbrella table, drinking a beer, already looking back at us talking on the porch.
I looked back at Niq’, sliding my hand from his.
Niq’ stood from the porch.
And I stood up with him, facing him. I hesitated, looking back over at Ernesto, who looked like he was ready to pull out the 9mm he kept tucked in his pants.
Niq’ grabbed my face, turning my face back to his. “You wanna stay here with him, or you wanna go home with me?”
I just looked into Niq’s face. “I can’t just leave Ernesto’s party. He’s done so much for me.”
“Then why aren’t you over there with him?” Niq’ grinned a little. “Why you over here missin’ me? Thinkin’ about me? You still love me; you can’t tell me that you don’t. You don’t love that nigga. You think he doesn’t know that?”
I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m not trying to hear you, Niq’. You be with that shit. He’s supposed to be your friend, and you’re tryin’ to take the girl he’s crushin’ on home. You’re wrong.”
“Do you belong to him? Are you claimin’ him? Is that your nigga?” Niq’ asked.
I hesitated, about to look over at Ernesto.
Niq’ grabbed my face, turning it towards him again. “If you have to think about it, then the answer is no, Ma. Baby, I miss you. I’m not seeing anybody, Ma, I swear. It’s over with Peanut. C’mon, Love. Come home with me.” And I did.
***
Needless to say, I continued to see Niq’. I didn’t mean to break Ernesto’s heart, but when Niq’ wanted me, no one else mattered. Ernesto didn’t even fight for me, and I think it was because he knew before Niq’ came around that my heart was off limits. Nina helped keep my secret; she never told Peanut that I was dating her baby’s daddy. The day before Nina’s
I shoved him in his shoulder. “Nigga, I never once lied to you! You can say a lot of things about me, but what you can’t call me is fake! I’m the realeast bitch you’ll ever meet! I keep it fuckin’ one hundred! Once you and I started kickin’ it together, I totally dissed everybody for you, and you know that shit!”
Niq just looked at me. “Kourtney, I didn’t know she was pregnant. That girl sprung that shit on me out of nowhere, and now, she barely lets me see my kids.”
“Well, good, muthafucka. That’s what you get. You should have kept your dick in your pants! You know I cared about you! You and I took baths together! You painted my toenails! You combed my hair! Nigga, you’d rub my back, legs, and feet after cheerleading practice! You got to my heart when I never let anyone else in! Do you have any fuckin’ idea what I’ve been through, Niq?” I pushed him again. “I thought I found my light at the end of that long, dark tunnel I was living in! I was living in hell on Earth, and you saved me! Just when I thought my life was getting better, you let me know that nothing had changed. That you were just a smoke screen. That my life was still fucked-up. That I still had nothing to live for. And I will always hate you for that, Niq.”
Niq’ looked into my face. “Kourtney Love.” I loved it when he called me that.
“Baby, I’m sorry.”
I looked at him, fighting back the tears. “I made the mistake of looking at the sonogram monitor when the doctors were examining me before the abortion. The baby was so tiny, but my baby had the strongest heartbeat. It was hard to tell his or her heartbeat from mine because,” I laughed off the pain, “our heartbeats were in sync. I was thirteen and scared out of my mind. I didn’t tell anyone but God about what I did.”
Niq’ held my hand in his.
“I really wanted your baby, Niq. And I really wanted you, but you were with her.” I cried out, finally crying after not shedding a tear once since the day he’d broken my heart.
“Let’s roll out, Ma.” Niq’ whispered to me.
I looked up at him and then over at the pool where Ernesto sat at the glass umbrella table, drinking a beer, already looking back at us talking on the porch.
I looked back at Niq’, sliding my hand from his.
Niq’ stood from the porch.
And I stood up with him, facing him. I hesitated, looking back over at Ernesto, who looked like he was ready to pull out the 9mm he kept tucked in his pants.
Niq’ grabbed my face, turning my face back to his. “You wanna stay here with him, or you wanna go home with me?”
I just looked into Niq’s face. “I can’t just leave Ernesto’s party. He’s done so much for me.”
“Then why aren’t you over there with him?” Niq’ grinned a little. “Why you over here missin’ me? Thinkin’ about me? You still love me; you can’t tell me that you don’t. You don’t love that nigga. You think he doesn’t know that?”
I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m not trying to hear you, Niq’. You be with that shit. He’s supposed to be your friend, and you’re tryin’ to take the girl he’s crushin’ on home. You’re wrong.”
“Do you belong to him? Are you claimin’ him? Is that your nigga?” Niq’ asked.
I hesitated, about to look over at Ernesto.
Niq’ grabbed my face, turning it towards him again. “If you have to think about it, then the answer is no, Ma. Baby, I miss you. I’m not seeing anybody, Ma, I swear. It’s over with Peanut. C’mon, Love. Come home with me.” And I did.
***
Needless to say, I continued to see Niq’. I didn’t mean to break Ernesto’s heart, but when Niq’ wanted me, no one else mattered. Ernesto didn’t even fight for me, and I think it was because he knew before Niq’ came around that my heart was off limits. Nina helped keep my secret; she never told Peanut that I was dating her baby’s daddy. The day before Nina’s
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