I Know It's Over by C. K. Kelly Martin Page A

cordoned-off area of the beach, pretending not to molest us with their eyes. “Just look at what you’re missing,” I said sarcastically, motioning in their direction. A freckly girl with red hair and chunks of flesh bulging out in all the wrong places gave me the finger. Her friends laughed and continued pretending not to look.
    “You shouldn’t piss them off,” Nathan whispered. “This is your future girlfriend pool.”
    “And you think you have problems,” I kidded back. Nathan and I made goofy faces at the girls, sending them into giggle fits.
    Sasha had warned the cashier we were coming, and he stamped our hands and said Sasha would catch up with us when she finished the lesson. Nathan and I staked out a place on the beach and unrolled our towels. I felt self-conscious pulling my T-shirt off and then embarrassed about feeling that. I faked a smile, hoping he hadn’t caught that moment’s hesitation.
    “Nick, you’re not going to get weird on me, are you?” he asked, shoulders tensing. “I don’t want this to change anything. I mean, I know it sort of does, but I’m still me and this doesn’t have anything to do with us.”
    “I know,” I said quickly.
    “I mean, I know you’re straight and that’s cool. It’s not like I’m going to try to convert you or something. You know that, right?”
    “This conversation is making me nervous,” I admitted. “I thought you were supposed to be calming me down.”
    “I didn’t know you needed calming down.” Nathan flipped over onto his stomach and let a handful of sand sift through his fingers. “You know she likes you. I could tell that day at the mall.”
    I shaded my eyes with my hand and squinted at him. “How could you tell?”
    “Oh, you know, being gay makes me more sensitive to women’s feelings,” he said jokingly.
    “Too bad that isn’t any use to you.” I turned over next to him. “So it’s good knowing that you’re not going to jump me or anything.”
    “Yeah, I thought you’d want to know.” He was kidding around, trying to make me feel comfortable. “You’re gorgeous and all, but I like older guys.”
    “Shut up,” I said. Then: “Do you mean that about older guys?”
    “Yeah, I think so. Look at people our age. Nobody has a clue what they want or what they’re doing and if they do, they join the yearbook club or speech team and miss all the cool parties because they’re too focused on achieving something and won’t let themselves do anything else because they’re terrified of becoming a drug addict or getting AIDS or never getting a good job. This is not a good time.”
    “You’re not having a good time.”
    “No!” he protested, driving both hands into the sand. “Are you?”
    “I don’t know; sometimes I think I am,” I said honestly. “Other times I feel like I’m just killing time until something better happens.”
    “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” he said, wide eyes shooting over to mine.
    “But you always seem like you’re having a good time.”
    “Yeah, I know, I’m Mr. Positivity.” He nodded. “This is just rough lately. Too many big life questions coming at me and I feel like I’m on the outside of all the good stuff happening. Like even now on this beach, it’s not like I can walk around checking out guys. Somebody would break my nose. I’d be on the news.”
    “That sucks. I guess everyone’s got different crap to deal with.” I told Nathan about the day in the hallway, the whole thing with Keelor and Vix and then Sasha rushing by me like I was invisible and me making her tell me why.
    Nathan turned over and propped himself up with his elbows. “I’ll tell you right now that girl won’t put up with any shit from you. This little arrangement you have with Dani—that’s not going to happen with Sasha.”
    “I know.”
    “So do you know what you’re doing?” That wasn’t an accusing question; it was a checking-in sort of question. I could hear the