I Want You to Shut the F#ck Up

I Want You to Shut the F#ck Up by D.L. Hughley

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Authors: D.L. Hughley
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us all friendly, eventually I started toget on Bubba’s nerves. “Hey, motherfucker,” he yelled at me. “Who you talking to like that?”
    Soon after that, we all jumped him. Now it was
my
street and
my
neighborhood. I
still
couldn’t whup him—but six of us could. Man, oh, man, that was the best shit ever. My mother even saw what was happening, and she let it go for a while. Eventually she came out of the house and had to put a stop to it because it was getting so bad. I stood up, looked Bubba square in the face, and I said, “You can’t never come on my street no more. It’s my street.” He never bothered me or my friends again. Now
he
feared
me
.
    So Mr. President, I understand how you want to remain above the fray and not fight these people. But Mr. President, we’re standing with you. Fuck whether you win or not. You’ve got to let these motherfuckers know it ain’t going to be easy. If you’re going to be treated like an angry black man, then maybe you should start acting like one. My entire street is behind you, and many, many other streets like mine. All we need is for you to give us the word.
    What we need more than anything, Mr. President, is for you to lead. Because we sure as fuck aren’t getting that from the other side of the aisle.

P ART of the reason our nation is so divided is because we have become a multicultural nation. We have two dueling cultures in America, the red states and the blue states, and they perceive things completely differently. You can watch a story on a network news show and get the facts—and then you can turn to cable news and see the same story interpreted and reinvented in a completely different way. We don’t have a national dialogue anymore. Instead we have two national monologues.
    We used to have national discussions and disagreements. There was a standard of truth and objectivity. Now, thanks to our massmedia, people can believe whatever they want and never have their views questioned—and these views are simply based on who people surround themselves with. You live in the South, you’re a conservative Christian. You live in San Francisco, you’re a progressive Democrat. Our philosophies are not randomly distributed across the nation but instead lie in enclaves. People put themselves, or
try
to put themselves, in positions where they are constantly around others who edify their beliefs. Who would question their own views if everyone around them felt the same way?
    But I don’t like that mentality, and that hasn’t been my approach. I have been around more conservatives than people on the other side of the aisle have been around liberals. I’ve traveled this country and know many people from various political perspectives. I’ve personally met prominent Republican politicians and interviewed them one-on-one. I’ve sat with them backstage in green rooms and had meaningful discussions—not elevator talk, but real conversations about the issues.
    When I condemn specific politicians, it’s only
after
I’ve listened to them. I think there are a lot of evil conservatives—but there is evil on both sides of the aisle. Robert Byrd, for example, was a fairly evil Democrat. There are things you can’t square with me, like being in the Klan.
    People on the left think that everyone on the right is stupid. But a politician can only get elected if he gets votes, so the Republican leaders have no choice but to kowtow to their crazy base. Mitt Romney is not a good actor. It’s obvious he doesn’t believe half of the shit he’s being driven to say. But any deviation from the party line is like heresy. It’s really like a religion for these people, and they’re constantly searching for heretics. They even have a term for it: RINO, as in Republican in Name Only. This term has beenapplied to Rudy Giuliani, and it’s been applied to Mitt Romney. But how far to the right do you have to be to consider Mr. Law and Order and a multimillionaire investment banker to

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