It’s not working.
My mind raced back to the window, knowing it was my last chance to come clean. But why is it important? It’s nothing more than a minor detail… right? Or could the fact that he returned to the window to tell me he loved me instead of simply saying it on the front porch in some way de-bunk the premeditation story that the detective is so desperate to believe? I knew my parents would hear ‘he came to my window’ and automatically assume I had made a nightly ritual of sneaking out, or worse, sneaking him in. I so desperately wanted to find Brad, to have him home, but I wondered if shedding light on this minor detail would only make me a victim of house arrest when ( if ) he returned?
“I think that’s enough for now,” Dad told him before I could say otherwise. “The past twenty-four hours or so have been really tough.”
“I understand,” he said. “Well, Lillian, you have been very helpful.”
No, I haven’t. All I’ve done is add tick marks to your tally of reasons why you shouldn’t waste your time looking for Brad.
Detective Padron reached out to shake my parents’ hands and motioned for mine last.
“Will you please talk to Lizard again?” I asked as my hand met his grasp. His grip was strong; my bony fingers were crushed up against one another as he squeezed.
“It only makes sense to speak with a man that willingly goes by the name of Lizard, ” he said with a condescending smile, revealing his surprisingly white teeth for the first time. “I’ll be in touch.”
My dad held the door for him as he left; Mom put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.
“I'm sure it's hard finding out Brad isn’t who you thought he was. I’m sorry.” She nodded to Dad and he headed into the kitchen, leaving us alone for a mother-daughter crisis talk.
“What? No.” I pulled away from her grasp. “He isn’t some criminal like the detective is making him out to be. You know him better than that!”
“And I would have liked to think that you know him better than that,” Mom said. “But if he lied to you about having a criminal record then you have no idea what else he was lying to you about, Lillian.” It was obvious this wouldn't be a comforting chat-it was a confrontation.
“He didn’t lie about his past, Mom.” He wasn't truthful, either. “I didn’t ask him if he had a record. I don’t care what happened before we were together, it doesn’t matter!” What are the lyrics to that old boy band song? I don’t care where you've been or what you've done… it only matters if you love me...
“Well then it sounds like you didn’t want to know very much about him, did you?” Her tone dripped with condescension. “That is a very childish way of thinking. And if this relationship is as serious as you have made it out to be… Lillian, I just hope you have not made any big mistakes .”
“No!” I squealed. “This is completely unfair. Everyone is judging him and assuming the worst and he isn’t here to defend himself. You’re focusing on all the wrong things.” I wanted to work up a few tears to help remind her what I was going through, but I couldn’t and I wasn't sure why.
Mom stared at me silently, which didn’t happen very often. After a long moment, her eyes broke away from mine and she shifted her gaze out the picture window as she spoke.
“Regardless of where Brad is now, I want you to think long and hard about how much you really know about him and what this relationship means. You are still young…”
“I’m seventeen!”
“Exactly,” she said, turning her face towards me. “There is just so much that goes into a serious relationship and so many things you have to know about a person before you begin planning a future with them…”
“I know, Mom.” I had to stop her. “We don’t need to talk about this right now. All we need to do is find him. Please.” I chewed on my thumbnail as I searched her eyes for any sign of
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