I'm Only Here for the WiFi by Chelsea Fagan

working, sleeping, and eating Chinese food is guaranteed to bring nearly endless other possibilities of things you could engage in. The guy at your office who is training for a marathon, who comes in with his bike hoisted above his head, who is constantly attending these obscure jazz concerts and telling you about the amazing group of Czech backpackers he hosted through Couchsurfing—how do you think he got that way? Do you think he just woke up one morning and said to himself, “Hey, I think I’m going to make all the people I come in contact with feel bad about their total lack of motivation in life?” I mean, it’s possible, but I doubt it. It’s a process, and it has to start somewhere.
Getting Involved in Activities
    First things first: You’re probably going to want to get in shape. Now, as someone whose fingertips are at least 70 percent of the time coated in a thin film of Dorito dust, I am not one to decide exactly what “in shape” should entail. It is not a particular size, it is not a particular diet, but it is a feeling. Even I, who would literally subsist on a diet of whipped cream shots out of the can and curly fries if given the opportunity, have had to suck it up and balance my life out a little bit. Does that mean giving up everything that’s seen the business end of a deep fryer forever? No. Does it mean spending all your spare time doing hot yoga while feeling incredibly inadequate/sweaty? No. But it does mean finding a decent middle ground, and a good group activity can always help with this.
    Let’s say you join a dance class. Yes, at first you’re going to look ridiculous and probably gross out countless partners with your extreme Clammy Hand Syndrome brought on by crippling nervousness. It happens. And it’s tough, because becoming suddenly aware of how out-of-shape and uncoordinated you are can tend to cancel out your potential dates motivation for signing up in the first place. But as time goes on, and as you start to realize that moving your body around occasionally can make your whole day go by smoothly and be filled with more energy, it begins spilling over into the rest of your life.
    You want to eat a little better, you want to maybe take the stairs instead of the elevator, you want to make the small changes throughout your day that make getting out on the dance floor (and into a relatively attractive dancing outfit) less of a Sisyphean undertaking. Whatever form of physical activity seems least painful to you, go for it. The point is not so much what you’re doing, it’s that you’re doing something. Because unless you start to put the occasional green thing in your mouth and leave the sitting/lying position for at least thirty minutes a day, you’re not going to have much energy for anything else.
    There is no rule that says you have to join a club to get into shape. You could very easily start jogging in your neighborhood and keeping a food log that puts into brutally clear terms just how many Swiss Cake Rolls your daily routine consists of. But if your goal is also to start a new activity during which you come in contact with new people/change up your lifestyle, it is killing two very large birds with one relatively inexpensive stone. There are a lot of benefits to choosing a hobby that includes physical exertion—but that doesn’t mean it isn’t without its downsides.
    Each potential activity you could undertake has its own very distinct pros and cons, and it is best to be aware of them from the get-go. If we’re being honest with ourselves, we’ll acknowledge that most of us will probably attempt a few big ones for two weeks before abandoning them in favor of more frequently attending happy hours, and we need to address those. If you are going to pickup something obscure, like Tuvan Throat Singing, I commend you—but as I have no information on the subject, I’ll just assume it’s nothing but