life.
He should have stopped the minute he put his hand to the rock — there was no affinity with the hard surface, there was no Flow. But he'd forged ahead, convincing himself that he would find his groove, find the inner connection that made him one with the rock.
It never came.
I'm going to die because I'm an idiot. I should have been grateful for everything that I have, but I told myself I needed the climbing. Maybe I did. I'm an adrenaline junkie.
Edsel calmed himself, got his body back under control and cleared his mind of all thoughts.
Just the rock, just the rock. Move.
He swung an arm up, nearly missed the tiny pocket in the rock that was all that stood between him and his death. He got it though, and ever so slowly continued his climb to the top.
When he made it he lay on the scrub grass, panting and cursing his own stupidity. He had thought that the climb would be just what he needed to clear his head, give him some clarity after the confusion of emotions that had hit him since coming home. It had done the opposite, making him question more about himself than he ever had in the past.
It was obvious to him now that he didn't climb purely to feel the connection, and for a little alone time to commune with nature, it was because he was an addict; he needed his fix of danger. It was a rude awakening to come to terms with the fact that he had always been this way — it explained a lot.
Why would he have lived in large cities when he could have been safe somewhere else? The risk factor of course. That and the stark reality was that he enjoyed such environments. He had been living a lie for years now, removed from all that man had accomplished, trying to convince himself that all he needed was his family. In one sense that was true, but there was no getting away from the fact that he also loved the chaos as much as he did the calm, the peace and quiet. He'd climbed so he could stay in the countryside and keep his family safe; his adrenaline fix so he could keep their lives going in such a subdued manner.
Now it was a revelation just how addicted he was to the urban sprawl, the reminder of what once was. The opportunity to explore and have adventures, and yes, the risk of danger was exciting. He perversely enjoyed it.
That's why we can't stay, why I tried so hard to keep us away from this. If we live here then I will get us all sucked back into something, risk our future together.
It was a conundrum, Edsel understood that. On the one hand he had come to know himself better, and now realized just why he'd done the things he had, but it meant that he would have to try to convince Aiden that it was for the best. He knew that Lash was happy away from it all, but Aiden was clearly reveling in the life they were leading at the moment — it was going to take a lot of convincing to get him to want to return to a life where he only spoke to two other people and had no chance of meeting others of his age, or any age, and there was definitely no chance of the poor guy ever getting to discover the wonder that was the naked female body. Edsel couldn't believe he hadn't given the needs of the young man more than just passing consideration for all these years.
Poor guy, no wonder he's enjoying himself so much. God knows how he would handle meeting an actual genuine girl that showed an interest in him. How can I make that happen? Where would we find a girl for Aiden? Maybe that would convince him to come with us and stay safe, before harm comes to him. Even if we try to stay out of trouble here something will happen eventually, it always does.
Edsel suddenly broke out in a cold sweat, realization dawning.
Shit. I've got to get down off this bloody mountain.
~~~
Hours later, Edsel made it back to the apartment, where a worried Lash was pacing about, looking like she was going to kill him, hug him, or both, as she caught sight of him staggering through the door.
"I know, I know. No more rock climbing, I promise.
He should have stopped the minute he put his hand to the rock — there was no affinity with the hard surface, there was no Flow. But he'd forged ahead, convincing himself that he would find his groove, find the inner connection that made him one with the rock.
It never came.
I'm going to die because I'm an idiot. I should have been grateful for everything that I have, but I told myself I needed the climbing. Maybe I did. I'm an adrenaline junkie.
Edsel calmed himself, got his body back under control and cleared his mind of all thoughts.
Just the rock, just the rock. Move.
He swung an arm up, nearly missed the tiny pocket in the rock that was all that stood between him and his death. He got it though, and ever so slowly continued his climb to the top.
When he made it he lay on the scrub grass, panting and cursing his own stupidity. He had thought that the climb would be just what he needed to clear his head, give him some clarity after the confusion of emotions that had hit him since coming home. It had done the opposite, making him question more about himself than he ever had in the past.
It was obvious to him now that he didn't climb purely to feel the connection, and for a little alone time to commune with nature, it was because he was an addict; he needed his fix of danger. It was a rude awakening to come to terms with the fact that he had always been this way — it explained a lot.
Why would he have lived in large cities when he could have been safe somewhere else? The risk factor of course. That and the stark reality was that he enjoyed such environments. He had been living a lie for years now, removed from all that man had accomplished, trying to convince himself that all he needed was his family. In one sense that was true, but there was no getting away from the fact that he also loved the chaos as much as he did the calm, the peace and quiet. He'd climbed so he could stay in the countryside and keep his family safe; his adrenaline fix so he could keep their lives going in such a subdued manner.
Now it was a revelation just how addicted he was to the urban sprawl, the reminder of what once was. The opportunity to explore and have adventures, and yes, the risk of danger was exciting. He perversely enjoyed it.
That's why we can't stay, why I tried so hard to keep us away from this. If we live here then I will get us all sucked back into something, risk our future together.
It was a conundrum, Edsel understood that. On the one hand he had come to know himself better, and now realized just why he'd done the things he had, but it meant that he would have to try to convince Aiden that it was for the best. He knew that Lash was happy away from it all, but Aiden was clearly reveling in the life they were leading at the moment — it was going to take a lot of convincing to get him to want to return to a life where he only spoke to two other people and had no chance of meeting others of his age, or any age, and there was definitely no chance of the poor guy ever getting to discover the wonder that was the naked female body. Edsel couldn't believe he hadn't given the needs of the young man more than just passing consideration for all these years.
Poor guy, no wonder he's enjoying himself so much. God knows how he would handle meeting an actual genuine girl that showed an interest in him. How can I make that happen? Where would we find a girl for Aiden? Maybe that would convince him to come with us and stay safe, before harm comes to him. Even if we try to stay out of trouble here something will happen eventually, it always does.
Edsel suddenly broke out in a cold sweat, realization dawning.
Shit. I've got to get down off this bloody mountain.
~~~
Hours later, Edsel made it back to the apartment, where a worried Lash was pacing about, looking like she was going to kill him, hug him, or both, as she caught sight of him staggering through the door.
"I know, I know. No more rock climbing, I promise.
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