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“Okay girl so I am trying to understand but I still don't get it. You breakup with Micah because you're a freaking idiot and then you call Blake? And totally panic because his new girl answers? Girl if you want this boy back you have got to get a new set of balls on you.”
I swirled the ice around in my glass with my straw. The ice was suddenly more interesting than Zoe's intense glare. “I don't know what I was supposed to do. It wasn't working with Micah and he knew that I still had feelings for Blake. I couldn't just try to keep things going when it wasn’t there with him.”
She nodded, “That's true it wasn't. But is it fair to Blake? I mean doesn't he have a right to be happy? And I know this is going to sound like a shock to you but maybe he can be happy without you.”
I stop stirring and looked directly at her. “I thought I was happy without him Zoe. But I'm not. I'm fucking miserable all the damn time. And I know that I made my bed and I have to lie in it but I was hoping my best friend would back me up.”
She pulled back shocked by my reaction. “I always have your back Lena. But when it comes to those Finnegan boys, you lose your head.”
We both sat there for a minute in silence. I had called Zoe after lying in my bed all day contemplating my future or potential not future with Blake. When Harli answered I didn’t say anything, I just hung up the phone. And then I called Zoe at dinnertime and told her she needed to meet me at our favorite Chinese restaurant. I was filling my empty heart with carbs, and it felt good. But Zoe’s reaction wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought she would totally have my back and be ready to kill Harli just as much as I was, but instead she was being all self-righteous. It wasn't something I was used to. I took another bite of my lo mein before she started speaking again.
“What I meant is that if Blake is who you really want then you've got a fight for him girl. Harli would be a dumb ass bitch to give him up that quick.”
I knew she was right and as much as I didn't want to say that somewhere Harli had some brains, I knew she did. She been paying very close attention to our conversation at the restaurant and I had to admit that when I sat down this evening I'd made sure she wasn't somewhere among the crowd. Suddenly I felt like there were a lot more people paying attention to the drama in my life. “I know, I can't expect him to just take me back after all these years. You are right, I never got over him. He's what I wanted this whole time. He was safe and stable, he was exactly what I needed when my parents split up but I felt the need to be rebellious and volatile. I was an idiot.”
She shrugged, “We all were Lena. It was freshman year, remember I had just shocked the hell out of everybody and signed up for the military? I had just come out of the closet, your parents got a divorce, and Slade was there. I don't blame you. I mean we all made mistakes back then.”
I was confused, she had been on a perfect path since high school. Sure she hadn’t told her parents about liking girls as early as we all thought she would but it didn't make her a bad person. “What are you talking about?”
She set down her fork and looked directly into my eyes. “I almost got a dishonorable discharge.”
I was shocked, “What? I mean I knew you were a badass but nothing like that. You’ve done super well in the military.” She had gone in for medicine and was now a RN. I had always been impressed by her dedication.
“I was on a base during boot camp and I met a girl. And let's just say that my peers didn't really take to the fact that I was a lesbian. Neither did my commanding officer. But her name was Jessica, and she was gorgeous and I couldn't keep my hands off of her. It did not help at all that she was the CO’s daughter.” She looked down at her hands.
My mouth dropped open, “You're kidding me.”
She smiled, “You always said that I had good taste.
“Okay girl so I am trying to understand but I still don't get it. You breakup with Micah because you're a freaking idiot and then you call Blake? And totally panic because his new girl answers? Girl if you want this boy back you have got to get a new set of balls on you.”
I swirled the ice around in my glass with my straw. The ice was suddenly more interesting than Zoe's intense glare. “I don't know what I was supposed to do. It wasn't working with Micah and he knew that I still had feelings for Blake. I couldn't just try to keep things going when it wasn’t there with him.”
She nodded, “That's true it wasn't. But is it fair to Blake? I mean doesn't he have a right to be happy? And I know this is going to sound like a shock to you but maybe he can be happy without you.”
I stop stirring and looked directly at her. “I thought I was happy without him Zoe. But I'm not. I'm fucking miserable all the damn time. And I know that I made my bed and I have to lie in it but I was hoping my best friend would back me up.”
She pulled back shocked by my reaction. “I always have your back Lena. But when it comes to those Finnegan boys, you lose your head.”
We both sat there for a minute in silence. I had called Zoe after lying in my bed all day contemplating my future or potential not future with Blake. When Harli answered I didn’t say anything, I just hung up the phone. And then I called Zoe at dinnertime and told her she needed to meet me at our favorite Chinese restaurant. I was filling my empty heart with carbs, and it felt good. But Zoe’s reaction wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought she would totally have my back and be ready to kill Harli just as much as I was, but instead she was being all self-righteous. It wasn't something I was used to. I took another bite of my lo mein before she started speaking again.
“What I meant is that if Blake is who you really want then you've got a fight for him girl. Harli would be a dumb ass bitch to give him up that quick.”
I knew she was right and as much as I didn't want to say that somewhere Harli had some brains, I knew she did. She been paying very close attention to our conversation at the restaurant and I had to admit that when I sat down this evening I'd made sure she wasn't somewhere among the crowd. Suddenly I felt like there were a lot more people paying attention to the drama in my life. “I know, I can't expect him to just take me back after all these years. You are right, I never got over him. He's what I wanted this whole time. He was safe and stable, he was exactly what I needed when my parents split up but I felt the need to be rebellious and volatile. I was an idiot.”
She shrugged, “We all were Lena. It was freshman year, remember I had just shocked the hell out of everybody and signed up for the military? I had just come out of the closet, your parents got a divorce, and Slade was there. I don't blame you. I mean we all made mistakes back then.”
I was confused, she had been on a perfect path since high school. Sure she hadn’t told her parents about liking girls as early as we all thought she would but it didn't make her a bad person. “What are you talking about?”
She set down her fork and looked directly into my eyes. “I almost got a dishonorable discharge.”
I was shocked, “What? I mean I knew you were a badass but nothing like that. You’ve done super well in the military.” She had gone in for medicine and was now a RN. I had always been impressed by her dedication.
“I was on a base during boot camp and I met a girl. And let's just say that my peers didn't really take to the fact that I was a lesbian. Neither did my commanding officer. But her name was Jessica, and she was gorgeous and I couldn't keep my hands off of her. It did not help at all that she was the CO’s daughter.” She looked down at her hands.
My mouth dropped open, “You're kidding me.”
She smiled, “You always said that I had good taste.
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