Into His Keeping by Gail Faulkner

He reached out and clasped her hands, which were folded in her lap. Holding them gently in both of his, he looked into her eyes. “Living with the memory of you was just as damn hard as living without the memory of anything,” he said softly. “Give us time, Jill. Don’t run away again.”
     
    “Oh my God, Holdin!” Jill breathed softly.
     
    “I know, I know. I made you my obsession in ways that seem frightening right now. But I got over it too. I gave up. It wasn’t ‘til after the second Super Bowl ring. The third one I did for me. I stopped waiting for that call. By then the drive and discipline were mine and I was mad. Mad about the years waiting, hoping. It’s not like the time was wasted but somehow it felt that way to me.” Humor hitched up his lip briefly. “I’d become one of the richest, most admired men in the country and I felt like I’d wasted my time on a woman who’d never wanted me. Not like I wanted her.”
     
    “But…” Jill leaned forward, her face clouded with frown.
     
    “I get it. I know you came back as soon as you knew, as soon as you remembered. For you it was a few days.” His hands glided up her arms as she leaned into him. He shifted forward his eyes never leaving hers. “Give us some time, Jill. This time it’s us. We have a son. We’ll be in each other’s lives.”
     
    Jill’s head was cautiously shaking “no” as she shrank back from him. “I’m not her! Holdin, the Jill you knew, the one you waited for isn’t me anymore. She died in that car wreck. The person I am now woke up and was alone, pregnant and unwanted. She had no one to turn to so she had to be an adult. Since then, this person has been making her own way while taking care of a child. The Jill you knew adored you and her father. But between the two of you, she didn’t have a self-driven bone in her body. I hardly know that girl. Do not mistake me for the girlfriend you kissed goodnight at three a.m.” Jill’s body now pressed back in her chair, creating as much distance as possible between herself and Holdin.
     
    Fear, panic, desperation, and now the unbearable weight of his loss, all of it pressed down on Jill. His story was almost unbelievable. She’d seen his celebrity as a block to reaching him, not an open door. It intimidated the hell out of her and she’d assumed it came with tons of insulation between him and the general public. He was so somebody now and she was a dental hygienist. When they’d met it’d been much simpler, more equal. Now she was the mouse staring at the roaring lion.
     
    He didn’t say anything for a long moment as he absorbed her argument. “Good. I can’t be nineteen again so it’s a good thing we’ve cleared that up.” Holdin stood and smiled down at Jill. “So we both agree to start here? We’ve traveled a long way from the starry-eyed lovers who kissed goodnight fifteen years ago.”
     
    “What? The girlfriend you’ve obsessed over for fifteen years is gone and you just say good?”
     
    “She was gone a long time ago, Jill. I knew it. I didn’t know you’d lost your memory. For me, the person who never called was not the person I’d been in love with. Then when I found out the name I knew her by was an alias, I had reason to doubt I’d ever known that girl at all. I like the woman sitting in front of me a damn sight better than I do the other possibilities. You came to find me as soon as you were able. You faced your past and didn’t slink away from it. This Jill is a hell of a woman who’s willing to do whatever’s necessary for our son. How could I not be impressed with her?”
     
    Jill searched his face and slowly relaxed. This was good. He’d decided to listen to her. Nerves still rattled her insides but it could have been worse. “Okay. Then sit down so we can discuss this and get some things settled,” Jill directed briskly.
     
    “Is your surgery scheduled yet?” Holdin asked casually as he sat down on the end of the bed