sweetly, in a foot of water, playing with a plastic dolphin.
Laura was soaked, wedding dress and all.
“There,” Jillian declared, smiling. “Now we’re all wet. We match! We’re one big, wet, happy family.”
Yes , Laura thought, as Adam stood and began peeing in the water next to her and she jumped in the air to get out fast. Yes, we are .
* * *
“And then,” Laura said into the phone as she unpeeled yet another cheese stick wrapper for one of the kids, “Adam stood up and started peeing in the tub while I was—”
“STOP!” Josie yelled back. “I am never going to want children if you keep this up!”
“It’s not always like this,” Laura protested, but weakly. Actually, it was often like this. Minus being peed on.
Okay, it truthfully involved being peed on a lot more than she’d imagined before having kids....
Maybe she really did need to stop talking about raising kids with Josie. She wanted Alex and Josie to join the parenthood club with her, biology willing. Alex was more than ready, and with the wedding coming in two days, Josie’s excuses were falling apart.
“Laura, I know what parenting’s like. I pretty much parented Darla from the age of four until I left for college.”
Laura didn’t know what to say, because the truth in that statement made her feel so bad for Josie.
“Let’s talk about something more cheerful.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that my mother’s been charged with public indecency and possibly some sort of federal crime for having sex with two hot hockey players in an airplane bathroom on her flight from Ohio to the wedding.”
Laura dropped the cheese stick on the ground. Adam toddled over, picked it up, and started gnawing on it.
Five second rule , Laura thought absentmindedly.
“Could—could you repeat that, Josie? I don’t think I quite heard you right.”
“My mom fucked two college hockey players in an airplane bathroom,” Josie said slowly.
“Okay,” Laura said faintly. “I did hear you right the first time.”
“See? I’d rather be peed on than deal with this shit. Hell, I’d rather have Darla glue her anus to my bathroom wall again than watch my mother’s naked body come through the luggage carousel at the Portland airport.”
Laura’s eyes bugged out of her head. “That happened ?”
“Haven’t you been watching the news?” Josie asked, her voice filled with incredulity.
“Cyndi got food poisoning. We’re on our own this week. I don’t have time to read the back of a cereal box or watch anything on television other than Bubble Guppies, so no. No, I haven’t been watching the news.”
“Well, my mom got her fifteen minutes of fame.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. Me, too. Meribeth’s been great, though. We’re in Portland making some final decisions about flowers before we head up north to the campground.” Josie’s voice sounded weird. Laura couldn’t put her finger on it.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m juggling last-minute questions about chocolate flavors for the dipping fountain along with calls from bail bondsmen, Laura. No. Not okay.”
Laura sighed, the sound meant to convey sympathy. “I wish I were in Portland with you.”
“When do you guys leave?”
“Tomorrow. Cyndi got food poisoning and we’ll come tomorrow. She’ll head up the next day, assuming she’s still on the mend.”
“And if she’s not?”
“We’ll postpone Paris.”
“I was afraid you’d say that.”
“Me, too, but what else can we do? Dylan’s parents aren’t able to handle all three kids alone. The kids are super-attached to Cyndi, and it’ll be hard enough for them to have me, Mike and Dylan gone for a week. I’d rather lose our hotel and plane ticket money for bailing at the last minute than spend all our time on our honeymoon worrying about the kids.”
“I get it. I really do.”
Josie sounded so...deflated.
Laura sat up.
“I’m coming. Now.”
“I really don’t need to know this much
Laura was soaked, wedding dress and all.
“There,” Jillian declared, smiling. “Now we’re all wet. We match! We’re one big, wet, happy family.”
Yes , Laura thought, as Adam stood and began peeing in the water next to her and she jumped in the air to get out fast. Yes, we are .
* * *
“And then,” Laura said into the phone as she unpeeled yet another cheese stick wrapper for one of the kids, “Adam stood up and started peeing in the tub while I was—”
“STOP!” Josie yelled back. “I am never going to want children if you keep this up!”
“It’s not always like this,” Laura protested, but weakly. Actually, it was often like this. Minus being peed on.
Okay, it truthfully involved being peed on a lot more than she’d imagined before having kids....
Maybe she really did need to stop talking about raising kids with Josie. She wanted Alex and Josie to join the parenthood club with her, biology willing. Alex was more than ready, and with the wedding coming in two days, Josie’s excuses were falling apart.
“Laura, I know what parenting’s like. I pretty much parented Darla from the age of four until I left for college.”
Laura didn’t know what to say, because the truth in that statement made her feel so bad for Josie.
“Let’s talk about something more cheerful.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that my mother’s been charged with public indecency and possibly some sort of federal crime for having sex with two hot hockey players in an airplane bathroom on her flight from Ohio to the wedding.”
Laura dropped the cheese stick on the ground. Adam toddled over, picked it up, and started gnawing on it.
Five second rule , Laura thought absentmindedly.
“Could—could you repeat that, Josie? I don’t think I quite heard you right.”
“My mom fucked two college hockey players in an airplane bathroom,” Josie said slowly.
“Okay,” Laura said faintly. “I did hear you right the first time.”
“See? I’d rather be peed on than deal with this shit. Hell, I’d rather have Darla glue her anus to my bathroom wall again than watch my mother’s naked body come through the luggage carousel at the Portland airport.”
Laura’s eyes bugged out of her head. “That happened ?”
“Haven’t you been watching the news?” Josie asked, her voice filled with incredulity.
“Cyndi got food poisoning. We’re on our own this week. I don’t have time to read the back of a cereal box or watch anything on television other than Bubble Guppies, so no. No, I haven’t been watching the news.”
“Well, my mom got her fifteen minutes of fame.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. Me, too. Meribeth’s been great, though. We’re in Portland making some final decisions about flowers before we head up north to the campground.” Josie’s voice sounded weird. Laura couldn’t put her finger on it.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m juggling last-minute questions about chocolate flavors for the dipping fountain along with calls from bail bondsmen, Laura. No. Not okay.”
Laura sighed, the sound meant to convey sympathy. “I wish I were in Portland with you.”
“When do you guys leave?”
“Tomorrow. Cyndi got food poisoning and we’ll come tomorrow. She’ll head up the next day, assuming she’s still on the mend.”
“And if she’s not?”
“We’ll postpone Paris.”
“I was afraid you’d say that.”
“Me, too, but what else can we do? Dylan’s parents aren’t able to handle all three kids alone. The kids are super-attached to Cyndi, and it’ll be hard enough for them to have me, Mike and Dylan gone for a week. I’d rather lose our hotel and plane ticket money for bailing at the last minute than spend all our time on our honeymoon worrying about the kids.”
“I get it. I really do.”
Josie sounded so...deflated.
Laura sat up.
“I’m coming. Now.”
“I really don’t need to know this much
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