Introduction
Sitting in this
hospital trying to figure out what went wrong. My life was practically perfect.
I had everything that I wanted. About to marry the man of my dreams. My career
was right where I needed it to be. Everything was finally going right for me and
now this. I don’t understand why every time things start going good something
devastating happens. Why couldn’t I just let the past stay in the past? The
moment I walked in that office, I should’ve turned around and walked right back
out. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. And to think that this whole
thing is my fault.
What if he
doesn’t wake up? What if he’s gone forever? That’s a loss I’m not willing to
take. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that his blood is on my hands. I
should’ve stayed home. I should have never gone out. God, I wish I could trade
places with someone else right now. Could this be punishment for what I did?
Does karma really come back that strong? I mean, I felt bad enough when it
happened. I did promise that I’d never let it happen again. Yes, I could’ve
said something but, that would’ve made matters worse. Right?
I’m supposed to
be getting married in three weeks, but, instead I’m sitting in this chapel
trying to get a prayer through. I don’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve this.
I’m a good person. I just made one stupid mistake. We all make mistakes. I
wasn’t trying to play with anyone’s emotions. I wish I could close my eyes and
this all go away.
How does the
saying go? Love is patient; love is kind; love keeps no record of wrong doing;
love is not jealous, or puffed up; love endures forever. Like, what does that
all mean anyway? What is the purpose of even trying to love someone when you’re
always the one who gets hurt in the end? Love is this, love is that, love is
blah, blah, blah. You can say all you want about love. For me, all love has
ever been and will ever be is COMPLICATED!!!
1
I am Kamerai
Lawson. Thirty-two-year-old marketing executive and daddy’s girl. What do I do
exactly? I work for my daddy. Sounds cool, right? In real life, not so
much. I’m the lead marketing
representative at my dad’s firm that he and his best friend built from the
ground up. If I had a dollar for every time they told me the story of how they
started the company out of my grandparent’s garage, I’d be one wealthy sista.
I’ve been with the company since I was a freshman in High School.
Working for my
dad has its perks, but, at the same time he requires a lot more from me than he
does the rest of his employees. He doesn’t want to appear as though he’s
showing favoritism so he says. I say, who cares. I’m his little girl so, he’s
supposed to show me favoritism. But, in the business world we have to be ‘fair’
(insert side eye). As we all know, in corporate America you can basically do
whatever you want to do, but, that’s another story. Nonetheless, I love what I
do because it allows me to meet new people and take trips around the world
absolutely free.
I’m also a
realtor. I decided not to go to college after High School. I already knew what
I wanted to do in life, so I figured I didn’t need to waste a lot of money to
find out what I already knew. I did, however, get my Real Estate license
because I. I wanted to be able to make a difference in my community. I
understood that there were a lot of minorities who would never realize the
dream of homeownership simply because they were not properly educated. So, I
figured I’d do something about it and getting my license was the first step.
I am the
youngest of two; the very proud little sister of Kyle Lawson who also happens
to be my best friend. Kyle and I are really close, primarily because most of
the time it was just the two of us. My mom passed when I was twelve
Sitting in this
hospital trying to figure out what went wrong. My life was practically perfect.
I had everything that I wanted. About to marry the man of my dreams. My career
was right where I needed it to be. Everything was finally going right for me and
now this. I don’t understand why every time things start going good something
devastating happens. Why couldn’t I just let the past stay in the past? The
moment I walked in that office, I should’ve turned around and walked right back
out. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. And to think that this whole
thing is my fault.
What if he
doesn’t wake up? What if he’s gone forever? That’s a loss I’m not willing to
take. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that his blood is on my hands. I
should’ve stayed home. I should have never gone out. God, I wish I could trade
places with someone else right now. Could this be punishment for what I did?
Does karma really come back that strong? I mean, I felt bad enough when it
happened. I did promise that I’d never let it happen again. Yes, I could’ve
said something but, that would’ve made matters worse. Right?
I’m supposed to
be getting married in three weeks, but, instead I’m sitting in this chapel
trying to get a prayer through. I don’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve this.
I’m a good person. I just made one stupid mistake. We all make mistakes. I
wasn’t trying to play with anyone’s emotions. I wish I could close my eyes and
this all go away.
How does the
saying go? Love is patient; love is kind; love keeps no record of wrong doing;
love is not jealous, or puffed up; love endures forever. Like, what does that
all mean anyway? What is the purpose of even trying to love someone when you’re
always the one who gets hurt in the end? Love is this, love is that, love is
blah, blah, blah. You can say all you want about love. For me, all love has
ever been and will ever be is COMPLICATED!!!
1
I am Kamerai
Lawson. Thirty-two-year-old marketing executive and daddy’s girl. What do I do
exactly? I work for my daddy. Sounds cool, right? In real life, not so
much. I’m the lead marketing
representative at my dad’s firm that he and his best friend built from the
ground up. If I had a dollar for every time they told me the story of how they
started the company out of my grandparent’s garage, I’d be one wealthy sista.
I’ve been with the company since I was a freshman in High School.
Working for my
dad has its perks, but, at the same time he requires a lot more from me than he
does the rest of his employees. He doesn’t want to appear as though he’s
showing favoritism so he says. I say, who cares. I’m his little girl so, he’s
supposed to show me favoritism. But, in the business world we have to be ‘fair’
(insert side eye). As we all know, in corporate America you can basically do
whatever you want to do, but, that’s another story. Nonetheless, I love what I
do because it allows me to meet new people and take trips around the world
absolutely free.
I’m also a
realtor. I decided not to go to college after High School. I already knew what
I wanted to do in life, so I figured I didn’t need to waste a lot of money to
find out what I already knew. I did, however, get my Real Estate license
because I. I wanted to be able to make a difference in my community. I
understood that there were a lot of minorities who would never realize the
dream of homeownership simply because they were not properly educated. So, I
figured I’d do something about it and getting my license was the first step.
I am the
youngest of two; the very proud little sister of Kyle Lawson who also happens
to be my best friend. Kyle and I are really close, primarily because most of
the time it was just the two of us. My mom passed when I was twelve
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