inside my room. The only light was the dim light from my nightstand.
“Failed? How?”
“I should have prepared you for this, talked to you about the birds and the bees.” I laughed at the idea of this; she thought that she could teach me about sex. If only she knew what was in the bottom drawer of my nightstand. I had brought a vibrator, when I was sure that I would remain a virgin for life. I thought that was the closest I was ever going to get to having a dick in my pussy. A fake dick.
“No, no.” I held her hand and squeezed it. She couldn´t take responsibility for something that I had stupidly committed night after night. The feeling of having his naked dick inside me made me lose all sense. Sure, I had planned to start the pill. I was waiting for my fucking period. It just never came. Who would have thought that one time was all it needed. Okay, so it may have been a bit more than the one time; I just didn´t think. I was caught up in being Sebastian´s girl, when it was clear all I ended up being was Sebastian´s fuck.
“I should have gone on the pill. Insisted on condoms or something. I just got caught up in the moment.” She scratched her head, shocked at my revelation.
“You mean it was more than once?”
It was my time to be shy. My time to avoid her eyes.
“Yes, Mom, it was more than once.”
I was about to open my mouth to explain. No words could even account for the stupid thing that I had done over and over again.
“It doesn´t matter. What is important…”—she trailed off and gathered her thoughts together—“is that we are here for you. I hope you are still going to college?”
I nodded repeatedly.
“Good, having a baby is not the end of the world. You can go to college. Defer a year and then after I will help you look after the baby.”
Wow, this was better than I’d thought. All the fears that were in me about telling her were washed away. Not only by her support, but by her enthusiasm to help me get the education that I desired, help me with my baby, and then support me with my career.
“I knew it wasn´t the end of the world. Having a baby doesn´t stop your life. I know that. I have read so many blogs by other young moms. There´s day care on campus, so—”
She shook her head. “You misunderstood. I meant you go to college and I will look after the little one.” She patted my belly. “It will be too much stress for you.”
The whole idea of the little one, which was not born yet, being away from me pulled me away from her. She wanted to take my baby.
“No, Mom. I will take him or her with me.”
She smiled as she got up and held me tight to her as she whispered, “It´s a lot to take in. Just think about it? Tom and I have spoken about it. One step at a time. I am willing to help. After all, he or she is my grandchild.”
I sighed as I said, “I forgot my phone at Brenda´s house. Can I take your car, please?”
The smile across her face turned into a frown. “It´s late—after eleven. Why not wait till tomorrow?”
I searched the room for a reason, an excuse, but all I managed to say was, “Pregnancy hormones. You know how it is. I just want my phone. I´ve got Brenda´s. We had to go and buy the same phone, didn´t we— always leads to confusion.”
I went to grab my purse off the bed, hoping that she would hand me the keys. I needed to think and right now as “nice” as she was being, I was starting to feel suffocated. She wanted me to aspire to be the big time executive that I had always dreamt of being, by taking my baby away.
I was going nuts. One minute I thought I would have no support, but she turned around and said she would support me, and all I could do was accuse her in my head of trying to take away my baby. I needed to get out of there, even if it was just for some fresh air.
“Sure, my keys are on the hook in the kitchen. In the usual place. Be home soon. Please!”
Those were the last words
“Failed? How?”
“I should have prepared you for this, talked to you about the birds and the bees.” I laughed at the idea of this; she thought that she could teach me about sex. If only she knew what was in the bottom drawer of my nightstand. I had brought a vibrator, when I was sure that I would remain a virgin for life. I thought that was the closest I was ever going to get to having a dick in my pussy. A fake dick.
“No, no.” I held her hand and squeezed it. She couldn´t take responsibility for something that I had stupidly committed night after night. The feeling of having his naked dick inside me made me lose all sense. Sure, I had planned to start the pill. I was waiting for my fucking period. It just never came. Who would have thought that one time was all it needed. Okay, so it may have been a bit more than the one time; I just didn´t think. I was caught up in being Sebastian´s girl, when it was clear all I ended up being was Sebastian´s fuck.
“I should have gone on the pill. Insisted on condoms or something. I just got caught up in the moment.” She scratched her head, shocked at my revelation.
“You mean it was more than once?”
It was my time to be shy. My time to avoid her eyes.
“Yes, Mom, it was more than once.”
I was about to open my mouth to explain. No words could even account for the stupid thing that I had done over and over again.
“It doesn´t matter. What is important…”—she trailed off and gathered her thoughts together—“is that we are here for you. I hope you are still going to college?”
I nodded repeatedly.
“Good, having a baby is not the end of the world. You can go to college. Defer a year and then after I will help you look after the baby.”
Wow, this was better than I’d thought. All the fears that were in me about telling her were washed away. Not only by her support, but by her enthusiasm to help me get the education that I desired, help me with my baby, and then support me with my career.
“I knew it wasn´t the end of the world. Having a baby doesn´t stop your life. I know that. I have read so many blogs by other young moms. There´s day care on campus, so—”
She shook her head. “You misunderstood. I meant you go to college and I will look after the little one.” She patted my belly. “It will be too much stress for you.”
The whole idea of the little one, which was not born yet, being away from me pulled me away from her. She wanted to take my baby.
“No, Mom. I will take him or her with me.”
She smiled as she got up and held me tight to her as she whispered, “It´s a lot to take in. Just think about it? Tom and I have spoken about it. One step at a time. I am willing to help. After all, he or she is my grandchild.”
I sighed as I said, “I forgot my phone at Brenda´s house. Can I take your car, please?”
The smile across her face turned into a frown. “It´s late—after eleven. Why not wait till tomorrow?”
I searched the room for a reason, an excuse, but all I managed to say was, “Pregnancy hormones. You know how it is. I just want my phone. I´ve got Brenda´s. We had to go and buy the same phone, didn´t we— always leads to confusion.”
I went to grab my purse off the bed, hoping that she would hand me the keys. I needed to think and right now as “nice” as she was being, I was starting to feel suffocated. She wanted me to aspire to be the big time executive that I had always dreamt of being, by taking my baby away.
I was going nuts. One minute I thought I would have no support, but she turned around and said she would support me, and all I could do was accuse her in my head of trying to take away my baby. I needed to get out of there, even if it was just for some fresh air.
“Sure, my keys are on the hook in the kitchen. In the usual place. Be home soon. Please!”
Those were the last words
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