Johnny and the Bomb by Terry Pratchett Page B

felt-tipped pen, but it didn’t write because it had dried up. Johnny had a worldclass collection of pens that didn’t work.
    She had this infuriating habit of appearing not to notice him when he was excited about something.
    â€˜You know you’ve still got Thomas the Tank Engine on your wallpaper?’ she said
    â€˜ What? Have I? Gosh, I hadn’t realized,’ said Johnny, with what he hoped was sarcasm.
    â€˜It’s OK to have Thomas the Tank Engine when you’re seven, and it’s quite cool to have it when you’re nineteen, but it’s not cool at thirteen. Honestly, if I wasn’t here to help from time to time, you just wouldn’t have a clue.’
    â€˜Grandad put it up a couple of years ago,’ said Johnny. ‘This was my room when I stayed with them. You know grandparents. It’s Thomas the Tank Engine until you die.’
    Then there was the click of the front door opening.
    â€˜Your grandad?’ hissed Kirsty.
    â€˜He always goes shopping in town on Thursdays!’ whispered Johnny. ‘And Mum’s at work!’
    â€˜Who else has got a key?’
    â€˜Only me!’
    Someone started to climb the stairs.
    â€˜But I can’t meet me !’ said Johnny. ‘I’d remember, wouldn’t I? Yo-less says if you meet yourself the whole universe explodes! I’d remember that happening!’
    Kirsty picked up the bedside lamp, and glanced at the design on it.
    â€˜Good grief, the Mr Men, you’ve still got Mr—’
    â€˜Shutupshutupshutup. What’re you going to do with it?’
    â€˜Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing, I learned how to do this in self-defence classes—’
    The doorhandle turned. The door opened a fraction.
    Downstairs, the phone rang.
    The handle clicked back. Footsteps went downstairs again.
    Johnny heard the phone picked up. A distant voice said: ‘Oh, hi, Wobbler.’
    Kirsty looked at Johnny and raised her eyebrows.
    â€˜Wobbler phoned,’ said Johnny. ‘About going to the movies yest— tomorrow. I just remembered.’
    â€˜Were you on the phone long?’
    â€˜Don’t … think so. And I went to get a sandwich afterwards.’
    â€˜Where’s your phone?’
    â€˜In the front room.’
    â€˜Let’s go, then!’
    Kirsty opened the door and darted down the stairs, with Johnny trailing behind her.
    His coat was on the coat rack. He was also wearing it. He stood and stared.
    â€˜Come on ,’ hissed Kirsty.
    She was almost at the bottom when the door started to open.
    Johnny opened his mouth to say: oh, yes, I remember, I had to go and get my wallet to see if I’d got any money.
    He desperately wanted not to meet himself. If the entire universe exploded, people would be bound to blame him afterwards …
    â€¦ and there was a flash in front of his eyes.
    The black car slid surreptitiously out of a side road just before a sign indicating that it was about to enter BLACKBURY (twinned with Aix-et-Pains).
    â€˜Nearly there, Sir John.’
    â€˜Good. What time are we in?’
    â€˜Er … quarter past eleven, sir.’
    â€˜That wasn’t what I meant. If time was a pair of trousers, what leg would we be in?’
    It occurred to Hickson the chauffeur that this might be quite a difficult million pounds to earn.
    â€˜They all got mixed up today, you see,’ said a voice from the seat behind him.
    â€˜Right, sir. If I see any trousers, sir, you just tell me what leg to drive down.’

Chapter 5

The Truth is Out of Here
    Johnny was still on the stairs. Kirsty was still in front of him. The door was shut. His coat wasn’t on the coat rack. The Blackbury Shopper, which was delivered on Fridays and stayed on the hall table until someone threw it away, was indeed on the table.
    â€˜We’ve time travelled again, haven’t we,’ said Kirsty, calmly. ‘I think we’re back to where we