1 / The Cheese Man
My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.
I am in the grade of afternoon kindergarten.
Today we got school pictures taken at that place.
School pictures is when you wear your bestest dress. And you go to the cafeteria. And a cheese man is there.
He makes you say
cheese
. Only I don’t actually know why.
Then he takes pictures of you. And your mother has to buy them. Or else you will get your feelings hurt.
School pictures is a racket, I think.
I wore my new dress with the dinosaur on the front.
“A dinosaur, huh?” said the cheese man.
I smoothed my skirt very lovely.
“Yes,” I said. “It is a Tyrannosaurus Dottie.”
“You mean Tyrannosaurus
Rex
,” he said.
“No. I mean Tyrannosaurus Dottie. ’Cause Rex is the boy. And Dottie is the girl,” I explained.
The cheese man stood behind his camera.
“Say
cheese
,” he told me.
“Yeah, only guess what? I don’t actually know why I have to say that word. ’Cause what’s cheese got to do with it?” I asked.
“Cheese makes you smile,” said the cheese man.
I shook my head.
“Not
me
. Cheese doesn’t make
me
smile,” I said. “’Cause sometimes I eat a cheese sandwich for lunch. And I don’t even giggle when I swallow that thing.”
The cheese man did a big breath.
“Could you please just say it?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I can
please just say it
. Only don’t forget to tell me when you’re ready. ’Cause one time my grampa Frank Miller was taking my picture. And he didn’t tell me he was ready. And then one of my eyes turned out opened. And the other one turned out closed.”
I made the face to show him.
“See? See my eyes? See how one of them is opened and the other one is…”
All of a sudden, the cheese man took my picture.
My mouth came wide open at him.
“HEY! HOW COME YOU DID THAT? HOW COME YOU TOOK MY PICTURE? ’CAUSE I WASN’T EVEN READY YET!”
The cheese man kept on clicking his camera.
Pretty soon he looked at the next person in line.
“Next,” he said.
I stamped my foot.
“Yeah, only I wasn’t ready, I tell you! And so I need another turn!” I said.
Just then, my teacher came over. Andshe pulled me away from there.
She sat me next to her on a bench.
Her name is Mrs.
She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.
Mrs. said
settle down
to me.
Then me and her watched the rest of the children get their pictures taken.
My bestest friend named Lucille went next.
She had a blue satin ribbon in her hair.
“My nanna says this ribbon brings out the blue in my eyes,” she told the cheese man.
She opened them real wide.
“See them? See their color? They are robin’s egg blue…with just a
hint
of lavender.”
The cheese man sucked in his cheeks. Hewas getting fusstration in him, I think.
“Could you please just say
cheese
,” he grouched.
Lucille smiled real big with all her teeth.
“Cheese!” she sang very loud. “Cheese! Cheese! Cheesie, cheese, cheese!”
Then she kept on singing
cheese
, till the cheese man said, “Knock it off.”
After she was done, Lucille skipped over to me and Mrs.
“Did you see me?” she asked. “Did you see how good I said
cheese
? That’s because I’m going to be a model when I grow up. So I already know how.”
She fluffed her fluffy hair.
“The camera is my friend,” she said.
Mrs. rolled her eyes way up at the ceiling. I looked up there, too. But I didn’t see anything.
After that, it was time for the class picture.
The class picture is when all of Room Nine lines up in two rows.
The biggie kids stand in the back. Andthe shortie kids stand in the front.
I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I stood next to Paulie Allen Puffer.
He looked very admiring at my dinosaur dress.
“Dinosaurs bite people’s heads off,” he said.
I did a frown.
“Yeah, only they don’t even scare me. ’Cause
My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.
I am in the grade of afternoon kindergarten.
Today we got school pictures taken at that place.
School pictures is when you wear your bestest dress. And you go to the cafeteria. And a cheese man is there.
He makes you say
cheese
. Only I don’t actually know why.
Then he takes pictures of you. And your mother has to buy them. Or else you will get your feelings hurt.
School pictures is a racket, I think.
I wore my new dress with the dinosaur on the front.
“A dinosaur, huh?” said the cheese man.
I smoothed my skirt very lovely.
“Yes,” I said. “It is a Tyrannosaurus Dottie.”
“You mean Tyrannosaurus
Rex
,” he said.
“No. I mean Tyrannosaurus Dottie. ’Cause Rex is the boy. And Dottie is the girl,” I explained.
The cheese man stood behind his camera.
“Say
cheese
,” he told me.
“Yeah, only guess what? I don’t actually know why I have to say that word. ’Cause what’s cheese got to do with it?” I asked.
“Cheese makes you smile,” said the cheese man.
I shook my head.
“Not
me
. Cheese doesn’t make
me
smile,” I said. “’Cause sometimes I eat a cheese sandwich for lunch. And I don’t even giggle when I swallow that thing.”
The cheese man did a big breath.
“Could you please just say it?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I can
please just say it
. Only don’t forget to tell me when you’re ready. ’Cause one time my grampa Frank Miller was taking my picture. And he didn’t tell me he was ready. And then one of my eyes turned out opened. And the other one turned out closed.”
I made the face to show him.
“See? See my eyes? See how one of them is opened and the other one is…”
All of a sudden, the cheese man took my picture.
My mouth came wide open at him.
“HEY! HOW COME YOU DID THAT? HOW COME YOU TOOK MY PICTURE? ’CAUSE I WASN’T EVEN READY YET!”
The cheese man kept on clicking his camera.
Pretty soon he looked at the next person in line.
“Next,” he said.
I stamped my foot.
“Yeah, only I wasn’t ready, I tell you! And so I need another turn!” I said.
Just then, my teacher came over. Andshe pulled me away from there.
She sat me next to her on a bench.
Her name is Mrs.
She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.
Mrs. said
settle down
to me.
Then me and her watched the rest of the children get their pictures taken.
My bestest friend named Lucille went next.
She had a blue satin ribbon in her hair.
“My nanna says this ribbon brings out the blue in my eyes,” she told the cheese man.
She opened them real wide.
“See them? See their color? They are robin’s egg blue…with just a
hint
of lavender.”
The cheese man sucked in his cheeks. Hewas getting fusstration in him, I think.
“Could you please just say
cheese
,” he grouched.
Lucille smiled real big with all her teeth.
“Cheese!” she sang very loud. “Cheese! Cheese! Cheesie, cheese, cheese!”
Then she kept on singing
cheese
, till the cheese man said, “Knock it off.”
After she was done, Lucille skipped over to me and Mrs.
“Did you see me?” she asked. “Did you see how good I said
cheese
? That’s because I’m going to be a model when I grow up. So I already know how.”
She fluffed her fluffy hair.
“The camera is my friend,” she said.
Mrs. rolled her eyes way up at the ceiling. I looked up there, too. But I didn’t see anything.
After that, it was time for the class picture.
The class picture is when all of Room Nine lines up in two rows.
The biggie kids stand in the back. Andthe shortie kids stand in the front.
I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I stood next to Paulie Allen Puffer.
He looked very admiring at my dinosaur dress.
“Dinosaurs bite people’s heads off,” he said.
I did a frown.
“Yeah, only they don’t even scare me. ’Cause
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