every night before I fell
asleep, and I always felt comforted as I drifted off to sleep. Tonight
however the words taunted me. I had to fight the urge to grab a
black marker and scratch it out.
I
fell asleep in tears and the following day I went determinedly to a supplies
store and bought lavender paint to cover his lies up. When I got back
into my room however, I stared at his heart. I sat on my bed looking at it for
fifteen minutes before heading back downstairs and dumping my paint brush and
the small can of paint in the garbage.
I
look over at my phone as it rings incessantly. It is a sweet love song
that sings of being in love forever – it is Nathan’s ringtone. He is
calling me. Again. I still haven’t spoken to him
since the night at the restaurant, but I am beginning to reconsider my
decision. Why should I sit around moping and pining away while Kade
spends every night with a different girl?
I
feel guilty as I move to press ‘Answer’ on my cell, but images of Evelyn on top
of Kade pushes me to tap the green button.
“Hello?”
Chapter
9
Kade
I
walk into my English class a few seconds before the buzzer sounds. This
is my new tactic that I have devised so that I do not have to speak to
Alex. We would usually meet at her locker and walk to our classes
together, but being near her was just too painful. I always thought that
heartache was a metaphor. But damn. I now realize that heartache is
an actual physical thing. My heart is literally in pain whenever I see
Alex. It is much worse when we actually speak – her bright brown eyes
staring up at me. Whenever I am near her, it hurt. And so, I have
decided to be as far away from her as was possible under the
circumstances.
For
the past few days, I used the excuse of being super busy with our final exams,
and Alex seems to understand. She doesn’t appear to miss me all that
much, even though it feels like I am punishing myself every single second that
I am not speaking to her. She is still spending all of her time with
Nathan and so far she has never brought up the night that she caught me with Evelyn.
But
no matter what I do, I still can’t help myself from staring at her. I
glance her way as she is chatting away with Kayla. She is giggling
mischievously as Kayla whispers something in her ear. Today she is
wearing very tight jeans and a tight bright yellow top. She reminds me of
the sun. I turn my eyes away quickly when she glances my way.
I
steal another glance at her a few minutes before the end of class, and she is busily
taking down notes. Sometimes I swear that I have even caught her staring
at me but maybe it is just my imagination.
Alex
I
am walking to my usual table for lunch when Evelyn steps up beside me.
“I
know that you have noticed that Kade has been avoiding you,” she began without
even saying hello.
I
am not in the mood for this, and I can feel my anger already
beginning to boil. “What are you talking about Evelyn?” I ask her as calmly as
I can muster.
I
continue walking, picking up my pace but she keeps up with me easily. I
am in a miserable mood. I had only seen brief glimpses of Kade all
week. I was still trying my darndest to get
over him but not seeing him at all, was starting to get to me. I hated
the emptiness that I was beginning to feel not being near him. Having
Evelyn all up in my face was not helping my sour mood.
“I
want you to know,” she continues not answering my question. “That Kade is
mine. You have been following him around for far too long. You
don’t mean shit to him anymore. So please move on.”
I
stop in my tracks and stare at her.
“You
know what you need to realize?” I question, my voice throwing acid. “ You are the one who doesn’t mean shit. You are just another notch in his bed
post. You are disposable.”
She
gasps.
“Please
leave me alone, Evelyn. I don’t need the drama.” I turn from her
asleep, and I always felt comforted as I drifted off to sleep. Tonight
however the words taunted me. I had to fight the urge to grab a
black marker and scratch it out.
I
fell asleep in tears and the following day I went determinedly to a supplies
store and bought lavender paint to cover his lies up. When I got back
into my room however, I stared at his heart. I sat on my bed looking at it for
fifteen minutes before heading back downstairs and dumping my paint brush and
the small can of paint in the garbage.
I
look over at my phone as it rings incessantly. It is a sweet love song
that sings of being in love forever – it is Nathan’s ringtone. He is
calling me. Again. I still haven’t spoken to him
since the night at the restaurant, but I am beginning to reconsider my
decision. Why should I sit around moping and pining away while Kade
spends every night with a different girl?
I
feel guilty as I move to press ‘Answer’ on my cell, but images of Evelyn on top
of Kade pushes me to tap the green button.
“Hello?”
Chapter
9
Kade
I
walk into my English class a few seconds before the buzzer sounds. This
is my new tactic that I have devised so that I do not have to speak to
Alex. We would usually meet at her locker and walk to our classes
together, but being near her was just too painful. I always thought that
heartache was a metaphor. But damn. I now realize that heartache is
an actual physical thing. My heart is literally in pain whenever I see
Alex. It is much worse when we actually speak – her bright brown eyes
staring up at me. Whenever I am near her, it hurt. And so, I have
decided to be as far away from her as was possible under the
circumstances.
For
the past few days, I used the excuse of being super busy with our final exams,
and Alex seems to understand. She doesn’t appear to miss me all that
much, even though it feels like I am punishing myself every single second that
I am not speaking to her. She is still spending all of her time with
Nathan and so far she has never brought up the night that she caught me with Evelyn.
But
no matter what I do, I still can’t help myself from staring at her. I
glance her way as she is chatting away with Kayla. She is giggling
mischievously as Kayla whispers something in her ear. Today she is
wearing very tight jeans and a tight bright yellow top. She reminds me of
the sun. I turn my eyes away quickly when she glances my way.
I
steal another glance at her a few minutes before the end of class, and she is busily
taking down notes. Sometimes I swear that I have even caught her staring
at me but maybe it is just my imagination.
Alex
I
am walking to my usual table for lunch when Evelyn steps up beside me.
“I
know that you have noticed that Kade has been avoiding you,” she began without
even saying hello.
I
am not in the mood for this, and I can feel my anger already
beginning to boil. “What are you talking about Evelyn?” I ask her as calmly as
I can muster.
I
continue walking, picking up my pace but she keeps up with me easily. I
am in a miserable mood. I had only seen brief glimpses of Kade all
week. I was still trying my darndest to get
over him but not seeing him at all, was starting to get to me. I hated
the emptiness that I was beginning to feel not being near him. Having
Evelyn all up in my face was not helping my sour mood.
“I
want you to know,” she continues not answering my question. “That Kade is
mine. You have been following him around for far too long. You
don’t mean shit to him anymore. So please move on.”
I
stop in my tracks and stare at her.
“You
know what you need to realize?” I question, my voice throwing acid. “ You are the one who doesn’t mean shit. You are just another notch in his bed
post. You are disposable.”
She
gasps.
“Please
leave me alone, Evelyn. I don’t need the drama.” I turn from her
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