Keeping Secrets by Treasure Hernandez

toward Shawndiece. “Okay, so whose type is he then? Yours? Can you handle him? Is that it? You want him or something?” Secret pulled his number out. “’Cause here, you can have it if it’s all like that. He seems to be on your mind way more than he’s on mine. So let’s nip this in the bud right now.” Secret pushed the paper toward Shawndiece. “Here, take it.” Secret didn’t sound angry, just testy.
    â€œGirl, stop playing.” Shawndiece swatted Secret’s hand away and Secret stared down at the number. Once again, she exhaled.
    Shawndiece stared at Secret for a minute. “Who is he, Secret?” She had the most serious tone yet to her voice.
    â€œI don’t know.” She put the phone number back away. “I just met him five minutes ago like you did.”
    â€œNo, I mean who is he? ” Shawndiece placed her hand on Secret’s stomach then whispered, “Who’s your baby’s father?”
    â€œYou don’t know him,” Secret was quick to say as she cast her eyes downward, then turned back to face the window.
    Shawdiece’s hand slid from Secret’s belly. “Maybe you don’t know him. Perhaps that’s why you avoid answering the question every time I ask.”
    Oh, Secret knew who the father was all right, and she didn’t need Maury Povich’s help in finding out. Ironically, she almost wished she didn’t know. Not knowing who her baby daddy was seemed less humiliating and embarrassing than knowing who he was and how he’d come about impregnating her.
    Technically, Secret really didn’t know him-know him. She knew nothing about him, not even his name. She’d know his face in a lineup if she ever saw him again. Other than that, nothing. She didn’t know his favorite color or his favorite food. She knew he liked KFC, but didn’t know if it was his favorite. She wouldn’t even know the back, dark alley that led to his house, if that was even where he really lived. For all she knew, he could have been using some crackhead’s house to get laid while his wife and kids sat waiting for him somewhere in a house in the suburbs.
    For that reason alone, she couldn’t have the baby that was growing inside her belly; the baby that just a half hour ago back at the clinic she’d learned for certain she was carrying. That had been Secret’s whole point in going to the free clinic while Shawndiece tagged along for moral support. Secret’s period was two weeks late and she didn’t want to wait around with fingers crossed hoping she didn’t miss next month’s as well. Now, after leaving the clinic, it was official; she was as pregnant as the day was long. And if she dared give birth to this baby, what on God’s green earth would she tell the child when it asked who its father was? She would not, under any uncertain terms, give birth to a bastard. She couldn’t do that to her child. Poor thing didn’t deserve it. No child of hers deserved it.
    Besides, she had a plan, a plan to get out of Flint and go make something of herself. How could she do that with a baby in tow? Who would take care of the baby while she went off to college in Ohio? Did they even allow babies in campus dorms? How could she afford a babysitter? She had no money, and how does a mother get child support from a man whose name and address she doesn’t even know? Trifling, it was all just trifling. And Secret refused to go out that way. That was not the plan. Then again, it hadn’t been in the plan to turn a trick to pay off her estranged father’s debt he had with some dangerous guys either, ending up pregnant.
    â€œYou know you can tell me if you don’t know who you pregnant by don’t you?” Shawndiece said, interrupting Secret’s secret thoughts. “You know I’m the last person in the world whose gon’ judge you. Who am I to judge you about being