bout was just dry heaves, but these seemed to weaken me even more. There was a cold sweat across my face, and I wondered if I really was sick this time.
I hate throwing up, but the few moments afterward are nearly sublime, when the retching is over and it feels like a reprieve.
That‘s how I was feeling when the phone began to ring.
There was no way that I was going to rise. No way. The only reason I didn‘t slump down on the floor was that I‘d have to lie in my own vomit if I did.
The phone rang eight times and then the answering machine engaged. The speaker was two rooms away, but still I could make out Joelle‘s sweet voice. I sat back on my haunches and thought about standing. Then I raised my elbows onto the mattress behind me and pushed.
I literally stumbled from the bedroom through the kitchen and into the bathroom. When I fell into the living room, Jo was saying, “. . . okay. Good-bye."
I dropped down into a half-lotus position next to the phone, picked up the receiver, and punched in her number.
She answered on the first ring, “Hello?"
“What time is it?” I groaned.
“It‘s two fifteen. Where have you been, L?"
“For the past ten minutes I‘ve been throwing Up,” I said. “Before that, in the daytime, I was in a daze, wandering all over the city."
“I thought you were going to Philadelphia?"
“I know. I meant to go, but then I woke up at eleven thirty."
“What‘s wrong with you, L?” Joelle asked.
You are,
I said in my mind.
You fucking fucking Johnny Fry on the floor of your apartment. You looking into his eyes as if he were the first man to ever touch you.
My thoughts were one thing but my voice said, “I think I‘m missing you."
“What?"
“I‘ve had you on my mind for days,” I said with feeling. “All I can think about is you and sex."
“Sex?"
“You sound like there‘s something strange about that,” I said.
“No. It‘s just that you haven‘t talked like that for . . . ever."
“But that‘s how I feel. I went to see Dr. Tremain, and when he asked me how you are, I got an erection."
Jo laughed with a little shout of glee.
“What did he say?” she asked.
“Was I glad to see him?"
“Did it go down?"
“No. It lasted an hour."
“An hour!"
“You know how it is,” I said. “When I put my pants on, the dick was still hard and it rubbed against the material. Every time it did that, I thought about you, and every time I did that, it got harder."
“Is that what happens?” she asked.
“Yeah. Haven‘t you ever heard a guy talking about it before?”
“No,” she said. “You know I haven‘t known but three men, sexually."
Four,
I wanted to say.
“I have an erection right now,” I said, and it was true. Her lies and mine blended together to make me very excited. My breath was coming fast.
“You have to wait Until tomorrow night,” she said with a sly smile in her tone. “We‘ll stay in just in case you get too excited and have to do something."
I got dizzy. Here Jo was lying through her teeth, and all I wanted was to get in her bed and rut. My breathing got all crazy. One moment I couldn‘t take a deep inhalation, and the next, I was panting.
“Are you okay, L?” Jo asked.
“I need you so bad, I‘m aching."
“Really?"
I nodded and sighed, but the word
yes
got swallowed.
“Promise me you won‘t masturbate until we see each other tomorrow,” she said.
I think it was the first time she ever used the word “masturbate” talking to me.
“Okay,” I said in a voice half an octave higher than usual. “But why?"
“I want all of it,” she said, and I nearly passed out. “Every drop.”
“I have to go, Jo,” I said. “If I talk to you any more about sex, I won‘t even have to jack off."
It was like two completely different people talking to each other. We might have been Mel and Sisypha, Dick and Jane.
“Okay,” she said. “You go to bed and rest."
The moment she hung Up, the spell was broken. My erection
I hate throwing up, but the few moments afterward are nearly sublime, when the retching is over and it feels like a reprieve.
That‘s how I was feeling when the phone began to ring.
There was no way that I was going to rise. No way. The only reason I didn‘t slump down on the floor was that I‘d have to lie in my own vomit if I did.
The phone rang eight times and then the answering machine engaged. The speaker was two rooms away, but still I could make out Joelle‘s sweet voice. I sat back on my haunches and thought about standing. Then I raised my elbows onto the mattress behind me and pushed.
I literally stumbled from the bedroom through the kitchen and into the bathroom. When I fell into the living room, Jo was saying, “. . . okay. Good-bye."
I dropped down into a half-lotus position next to the phone, picked up the receiver, and punched in her number.
She answered on the first ring, “Hello?"
“What time is it?” I groaned.
“It‘s two fifteen. Where have you been, L?"
“For the past ten minutes I‘ve been throwing Up,” I said. “Before that, in the daytime, I was in a daze, wandering all over the city."
“I thought you were going to Philadelphia?"
“I know. I meant to go, but then I woke up at eleven thirty."
“What‘s wrong with you, L?” Joelle asked.
You are,
I said in my mind.
You fucking fucking Johnny Fry on the floor of your apartment. You looking into his eyes as if he were the first man to ever touch you.
My thoughts were one thing but my voice said, “I think I‘m missing you."
“What?"
“I‘ve had you on my mind for days,” I said with feeling. “All I can think about is you and sex."
“Sex?"
“You sound like there‘s something strange about that,” I said.
“No. It‘s just that you haven‘t talked like that for . . . ever."
“But that‘s how I feel. I went to see Dr. Tremain, and when he asked me how you are, I got an erection."
Jo laughed with a little shout of glee.
“What did he say?” she asked.
“Was I glad to see him?"
“Did it go down?"
“No. It lasted an hour."
“An hour!"
“You know how it is,” I said. “When I put my pants on, the dick was still hard and it rubbed against the material. Every time it did that, I thought about you, and every time I did that, it got harder."
“Is that what happens?” she asked.
“Yeah. Haven‘t you ever heard a guy talking about it before?”
“No,” she said. “You know I haven‘t known but three men, sexually."
Four,
I wanted to say.
“I have an erection right now,” I said, and it was true. Her lies and mine blended together to make me very excited. My breath was coming fast.
“You have to wait Until tomorrow night,” she said with a sly smile in her tone. “We‘ll stay in just in case you get too excited and have to do something."
I got dizzy. Here Jo was lying through her teeth, and all I wanted was to get in her bed and rut. My breathing got all crazy. One moment I couldn‘t take a deep inhalation, and the next, I was panting.
“Are you okay, L?” Jo asked.
“I need you so bad, I‘m aching."
“Really?"
I nodded and sighed, but the word
yes
got swallowed.
“Promise me you won‘t masturbate until we see each other tomorrow,” she said.
I think it was the first time she ever used the word “masturbate” talking to me.
“Okay,” I said in a voice half an octave higher than usual. “But why?"
“I want all of it,” she said, and I nearly passed out. “Every drop.”
“I have to go, Jo,” I said. “If I talk to you any more about sex, I won‘t even have to jack off."
It was like two completely different people talking to each other. We might have been Mel and Sisypha, Dick and Jane.
“Okay,” she said. “You go to bed and rest."
The moment she hung Up, the spell was broken. My erection
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