dropping them into the bin with a shudder. Arns was still burbling away happily, tossing that apple back and forth while watching the sun come up through the kitchen window. I snuck off to brush my teeth and came back to discover him at the sink. Before I could warn him he’d turned on the tap, apple held beneath, and all the pipes in the house shook and banged at a terrible, terrible volume.
‘Good God!’ he cried, and twisted the tap hard in the opposite direction. The banging got so loud it drew a scream from Pen upstairs.
‘Tallulah! Turn that damn hot water OFFF!
’
I ran over and batted Arns’s hand away. Hot water in this house was a luxury in more ways than one. You justdidn’t go there in a sleeping household. I eased the tap open again and then jolted it shut. Silence. Arns and I exhaled together, then widened our eyes at each other as the door to Pen’s room slammed and the sound of a stomping run came down the stairs.
‘Oh boy,’ said Arns.
‘Why is Arnold Trenchard in our house?’ came the solicitor voice from right behind us. ‘And what has Boodlington been eating?’
‘Your
dog,’ I said pointedly, ‘ate
your
bread.’
Pen pursed her lips and her cheeks puffed out hard. She went a little pink.
‘G-good morning,’ stammered Arns.
‘Don’t
good morning
me!’ she hissed with venom. ‘It’s the middle of the night!’
‘No,’ said Arns stupidly. ‘It’s time to get up.’ I flinched as Pen’s eyes narrowed and her fists clenched.
‘RUBBISH! I should be asleep – we
all
should be asleep – but you’ve gone and woken me up! With the taps! What were you thinking? It’s
six forty-eight
a.m.! Why are you wearing my father’s shirt?’
‘Nya! Six forty-eight!’ I snatched Arns’s apple, crunched out a massive mouthful and handed it back while pulling a half-litre bottle of water out of one of those carrypacks Dad keeps in the store cupboard in case tap water the world over gets poisoned by terrorists. What else did we need?Grabbing Arnold’s forearm, I dragged him out of the back door to help extricate my bike from the shed.
Pen was left speechless, but she kicked the door shut behind us with a rude slam.
‘Mwehadmmhrry,’ I spluttered.
‘Finish the apple first. Nice bike. Bit big for you.’
I swallowed. ‘My legs are longer than you think. What’s your watch say?’
‘Six fifty-five.’
I twisted dials till mine said exactly the same, grabbed an ancient tennis ball and Boodle the Poodle’s lead and then explained the cunning Arns + Mona plan as we headed out of the back gate, Boodle waving her tail triumphantly.
‘. . . So you see, when Mona knows you’re a science whizz, that will be your perfect in! She’ll be unable to resist! She’s
desperate
, apparently! Oh. Not that a girl would have to be desperate to . . . uh, you know . . . want to go out with you . . .’
I stopped.
Arns was shaking his head. He was pale. ‘Tallulah, you’re telling me this mad idea
now
? Is it
safe
? I sense personal embarrassment close at hand. We should spend more time preparing.’
‘We have inside info, Arns. If we keep to the right timings, there’s’ – I looked over at Boodle – ‘um not much that can go wrong. Just remember that Boodle will dropanything to get to the tennis ball, and don’t panic. And if the shirt doesn’t give way, you need to help it.’
‘No chance. You’re crazy.’
‘Arnold,’ I said warningly, wheeling the bike up the side road round to the front of the house. Mr Kadinski waved from the Setting Sun’s front veranda.
‘Don’t look at the pensioner,’ I hissed at Arnold. ‘He needs a hand down the steps and we don’t have time.’
‘But –’
‘Run, Arnold, run!’
He set off at a loping pace, a worried look on his face, checking his watch. ‘I’m never going to get to the dining hall by seven twenty!’ he muttered. ‘I should have demanded the details of your plan immediately. What was I thinking? All that
‘Good God!’ he cried, and twisted the tap hard in the opposite direction. The banging got so loud it drew a scream from Pen upstairs.
‘Tallulah! Turn that damn hot water OFFF!
’
I ran over and batted Arns’s hand away. Hot water in this house was a luxury in more ways than one. You justdidn’t go there in a sleeping household. I eased the tap open again and then jolted it shut. Silence. Arns and I exhaled together, then widened our eyes at each other as the door to Pen’s room slammed and the sound of a stomping run came down the stairs.
‘Oh boy,’ said Arns.
‘Why is Arnold Trenchard in our house?’ came the solicitor voice from right behind us. ‘And what has Boodlington been eating?’
‘Your
dog,’ I said pointedly, ‘ate
your
bread.’
Pen pursed her lips and her cheeks puffed out hard. She went a little pink.
‘G-good morning,’ stammered Arns.
‘Don’t
good morning
me!’ she hissed with venom. ‘It’s the middle of the night!’
‘No,’ said Arns stupidly. ‘It’s time to get up.’ I flinched as Pen’s eyes narrowed and her fists clenched.
‘RUBBISH! I should be asleep – we
all
should be asleep – but you’ve gone and woken me up! With the taps! What were you thinking? It’s
six forty-eight
a.m.! Why are you wearing my father’s shirt?’
‘Nya! Six forty-eight!’ I snatched Arns’s apple, crunched out a massive mouthful and handed it back while pulling a half-litre bottle of water out of one of those carrypacks Dad keeps in the store cupboard in case tap water the world over gets poisoned by terrorists. What else did we need?Grabbing Arnold’s forearm, I dragged him out of the back door to help extricate my bike from the shed.
Pen was left speechless, but she kicked the door shut behind us with a rude slam.
‘Mwehadmmhrry,’ I spluttered.
‘Finish the apple first. Nice bike. Bit big for you.’
I swallowed. ‘My legs are longer than you think. What’s your watch say?’
‘Six fifty-five.’
I twisted dials till mine said exactly the same, grabbed an ancient tennis ball and Boodle the Poodle’s lead and then explained the cunning Arns + Mona plan as we headed out of the back gate, Boodle waving her tail triumphantly.
‘. . . So you see, when Mona knows you’re a science whizz, that will be your perfect in! She’ll be unable to resist! She’s
desperate
, apparently! Oh. Not that a girl would have to be desperate to . . . uh, you know . . . want to go out with you . . .’
I stopped.
Arns was shaking his head. He was pale. ‘Tallulah, you’re telling me this mad idea
now
? Is it
safe
? I sense personal embarrassment close at hand. We should spend more time preparing.’
‘We have inside info, Arns. If we keep to the right timings, there’s’ – I looked over at Boodle – ‘um not much that can go wrong. Just remember that Boodle will dropanything to get to the tennis ball, and don’t panic. And if the shirt doesn’t give way, you need to help it.’
‘No chance. You’re crazy.’
‘Arnold,’ I said warningly, wheeling the bike up the side road round to the front of the house. Mr Kadinski waved from the Setting Sun’s front veranda.
‘Don’t look at the pensioner,’ I hissed at Arnold. ‘He needs a hand down the steps and we don’t have time.’
‘But –’
‘Run, Arnold, run!’
He set off at a loping pace, a worried look on his face, checking his watch. ‘I’m never going to get to the dining hall by seven twenty!’ he muttered. ‘I should have demanded the details of your plan immediately. What was I thinking? All that
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