know.â I was silent. I didnât agree. They werenât even trying to understand me.
âHow was your ride?â she asked me. âYou were looking forward to it, werenât you?â I winced and turned my face away. Sheâd unwittingly touched a sore place. I was wishing that I hadnât lost my temper. Iâd found a refuge in the stables and Iâd spoilt it.
âIâll never ride here again,â I said at last.
She looked perplexed.
âFred wonât want to take me out,â I said. âI ⦠Iâ¦â
How could I tell her what an idiot Iâd been? I flushed.
âOh miss, donât you worry about him. You can ride whenever you want. One of the other lads will take you out.â
It was true. I could ride whenever I wanted. But I didnât want anyone else to take me out. Iâd felt comfortable with Fred. But I could never tell Baxter that. What would she think â her ladyshipâs niece more at home with a stable lad than her cousins. But it was true. Iâd felt more at ease with Fred than with anyone else at Langdown, except Clemmie, and Clemmie was a child. We shared something special â Fred and me â a love of horses. Now that refuge had been roughly torn away â and by my own two stupid hands. âI canât trust you,â heâd said. I sighed and got up and let Baxter help me dress, then she fetched a comb to tease the tangles from my hair. Now I had to face the family. What would Aunt say when she learned how Iâd behaved today? My legs felt like jelly as I walked downstairs.
D OWNSTAIRS
âWho do you think you are?â Ivy stood at the end of the table, staring down her nose at us. âThe front door for the hâgentry hâonly. Hâservants round the back. How many times do I have to tell you?â I was laughing so hard I was crying. It was Barrett to a tee. The way he held his head, the barely concealed contempt for us lower servants in his eyes. How did she do it? Even Sarah smiled, though I noticed how her eyes kept sliding to the door. Sheâd left her seat by my side and now was sitting facing me â all the better to see who was coming in and out.
I shifted my attention back to Ivy. I didnât want to miss a single minute of her performance. I couldnât believe the change in her. Youâd never have known it was the same little shrimp whoâd sat huddled at the table, scooping up her broth as if she was starving. She was small still, but when she performed for us she seemed to grow taller. Some words Iâd heard somewhere once popped into my mind. All the worldâs a stage . I wasnât sure what it meant, but all the world was Ivyâs stage. I hoped Iâd never fall out with her. I could imagine how she might mimic me.
I heard a chair scrape as someone sat down and looked round to see that Maddie had shifted up next to me. âIsnât she a card,â I said.
âShould be on the stage,â Maisie on my other side said. Maddie merely grunted, drumming her fingers on the table. She wasnât smiling. I felt sure I knew why. When the upper servants had departed to eat their sweet in Mrs Smithsonâs parlour, it had left a spare seat next to her, but Robert hadnât taken it. There were plenty of spare seats at the table now. The upper servants always left, halfway through the meal, to eat their sweet and gossip in Mrs Smithsonâs sitting room. If I was a proper ladyâs maid, thatâs where Iâd be now, too. But I was glad I was still able to sit with my friends. The other lot didnât have half as much fun as we did.
Across from me Sarah was pretending to eat, pushing her pudding round her plate. Fred hadnât come by for dinner. He often didnât but today I wished he had. Iâd thought Iâd reassured Sarah but it hadnât lasted. Iâd never seen her so jumpy. I scooped up the last of the rice
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