problems but a zombie ain’t one’ was my highest claim to fame. ‘Hold me closer tiny zombie’ was Rachel’s best. ‘Zombie in the deep’ was Cristina’s. It certainly brought new light to the lyrics and it bummed us out.
Then we were inventing all sorts of songs, love songs to zombies, anything from Elvis to Eminem where the focus is now on the undead. That branched off into general trivia and scenarios, like what would you do if a zombie lumbered down the street? I imagine I would casually out walk it.
One quirk of the Internet is that the zombie uprising has put a stop to a lot of pointless pictures showing off how incredibly mundane everyone’s lives are. I just made dinner! Better take a picture and post it online. I’m reading a book with a glass of wine! Better take a picture and post it online. Look at my cat! Better take a picture and post it online.
St. Petersberg is evacuating the city. That doesn’t sound like ‘contained’, does it? And get this: no one is looting. They’re walking around with backpacks and those are probably full of food and anything valuable. I wonder how long the no looting thing lasts for. Right now there are a dozen cities affected and there’s bound to be some nutter taking shit that isn’t his.
Not everything is running perfectly smooth over here. The lines for the ATM are huge. I had to wait twenty minutes in the sun just to withdraw a stack of cash. It’s probably the most I’ve ever carried at one time.
I figured another couple of reasons this ‘apocalypse’ will never happen.
1) Dead flesh doesn’t stay around for that long. Eventually the body will rot away to just bones.
2) Dead flesh in the winter or summer is going to freeze or cook quite easily.
3) There are millions of people in well contained pockets of mankind, not just Malta. There’s everyone who can stay on a boat or submarine for a long time. Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Ireland, and lots of islands in the Caribbean are closed off to the world now. I imagine somewhere like Cuba would be easy to contain until there are boats loaded with zombies. And there are lots of people in middle America who are well armed and won’t find much contact with zombies either. That said, what qualifies as an apocalypse? One million people dead? One hundred million people dead? Right now we have an outbreak, so at what point would it shift into an apocalypse? If 10% of the population fell dead? 20%?
The nauseating thing is knowing that one hundred million dead people is just a blip in our population. It’s only 1.4% of us. How many dead people do you need to reach the tipping point where fear takes over? One hundred million people might die from a zombie infection, but how many more will die because someone shot them because they weren’t going to take the chance of trusting them as a decent human being?
‘Fuck everyone else because I will do whatever it takes so that I survive.’
So, what happens in Madrid when zombies are walking around a thousand miles away? Drinking. The fiestas around the country have been shut down as a mark of respect and caution. There are free check ups at the hospital for a quick zombie test but no one is really buying that. Hospitals are busy and packed even when there isn’t a mass outbreak of the undead. A quick test should be quite simple:
“Hey! You! Are you alive?”
“Uhhhhhhh …”
“Put your arms up in the air!”
“Uhhhhhhh …”
“I’m warning you!”
“Uhhhhhhh …”
(Warning shot)
(More shuffling)
(Kill shot)
“Either he/she/it was a zombie or he/she/it is so friggin’ stupid the world doesn’t need ‘em.”
Simple.
I’ve been drinking so I’m kinda drunk. Hang on, zombie drinking game, brb.
Part 4.
Back. Three hours later and the drinking game was pretty epic! It was engineered by Sofia, the Russian, in celebration of her family being safely evacuated and her loving the Russian military for saving them. She got a call and
Then we were inventing all sorts of songs, love songs to zombies, anything from Elvis to Eminem where the focus is now on the undead. That branched off into general trivia and scenarios, like what would you do if a zombie lumbered down the street? I imagine I would casually out walk it.
One quirk of the Internet is that the zombie uprising has put a stop to a lot of pointless pictures showing off how incredibly mundane everyone’s lives are. I just made dinner! Better take a picture and post it online. I’m reading a book with a glass of wine! Better take a picture and post it online. Look at my cat! Better take a picture and post it online.
St. Petersberg is evacuating the city. That doesn’t sound like ‘contained’, does it? And get this: no one is looting. They’re walking around with backpacks and those are probably full of food and anything valuable. I wonder how long the no looting thing lasts for. Right now there are a dozen cities affected and there’s bound to be some nutter taking shit that isn’t his.
Not everything is running perfectly smooth over here. The lines for the ATM are huge. I had to wait twenty minutes in the sun just to withdraw a stack of cash. It’s probably the most I’ve ever carried at one time.
I figured another couple of reasons this ‘apocalypse’ will never happen.
1) Dead flesh doesn’t stay around for that long. Eventually the body will rot away to just bones.
2) Dead flesh in the winter or summer is going to freeze or cook quite easily.
3) There are millions of people in well contained pockets of mankind, not just Malta. There’s everyone who can stay on a boat or submarine for a long time. Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Ireland, and lots of islands in the Caribbean are closed off to the world now. I imagine somewhere like Cuba would be easy to contain until there are boats loaded with zombies. And there are lots of people in middle America who are well armed and won’t find much contact with zombies either. That said, what qualifies as an apocalypse? One million people dead? One hundred million people dead? Right now we have an outbreak, so at what point would it shift into an apocalypse? If 10% of the population fell dead? 20%?
The nauseating thing is knowing that one hundred million dead people is just a blip in our population. It’s only 1.4% of us. How many dead people do you need to reach the tipping point where fear takes over? One hundred million people might die from a zombie infection, but how many more will die because someone shot them because they weren’t going to take the chance of trusting them as a decent human being?
‘Fuck everyone else because I will do whatever it takes so that I survive.’
So, what happens in Madrid when zombies are walking around a thousand miles away? Drinking. The fiestas around the country have been shut down as a mark of respect and caution. There are free check ups at the hospital for a quick zombie test but no one is really buying that. Hospitals are busy and packed even when there isn’t a mass outbreak of the undead. A quick test should be quite simple:
“Hey! You! Are you alive?”
“Uhhhhhhh …”
“Put your arms up in the air!”
“Uhhhhhhh …”
“I’m warning you!”
“Uhhhhhhh …”
(Warning shot)
(More shuffling)
(Kill shot)
“Either he/she/it was a zombie or he/she/it is so friggin’ stupid the world doesn’t need ‘em.”
Simple.
I’ve been drinking so I’m kinda drunk. Hang on, zombie drinking game, brb.
Part 4.
Back. Three hours later and the drinking game was pretty epic! It was engineered by Sofia, the Russian, in celebration of her family being safely evacuated and her loving the Russian military for saving them. She got a call and
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