Learning to Move Forward: Novella #3.5 by Cynthia P. O'Neill Page B

a difference.
    Laurel had already saved me from myself once after the crash; she did it again by just listening. She helped me realize that my only mistake was going back out with him. Whether I’d intended to call it quits with him or not, he’d used me. At least I’d been rescued and could focus on putting it behind me.
    My relationship with my cousins and Freddie intensified. We stayed in touch and supported one another’s goals and aspirations in life. As for Barry, he returned to college the next day and I never saw him again. I still don’t know to this day what the guys told him, but I’m thankful I never had to deal with him.
    I felt ashamed and stupid for having fallen victim to Barry, but when Laurel had a similar experience to overcome, we both realized we were victims to things that shouldn’t have happened. I was so thankful I could be there for her and help her heal, but hated that she had to go through even more emotions than I did.
    To this day, my parents thought I’d just been in a bad mood for a few years; going through what they called the “loner” phase, but I was bitchy in order to keep everyone away from me. I’d gone from confident to nervous about everything in a heartbeat, but I hid it as well as I could. I began to use guys and turn them away, rather than let them into my heart and be used by them. Rejection was easier served than received.
    I put on the act of needing to have power over others, when silently I needed to be controlled to feel safe. Jonathan is the first person to see through my façade and give me that comfort, to a degree.
    After a couple of years had passed I’d decided to take my life back and focus on my future. I distanced myself from the incident and focused on my studies, found a college far away from my town, and built a new life for myself. At least that’s what one side of me wanted. The other wanted to give up on everything. But I wouldn’t let Barry have the satisfaction. I was a fighter who’d win!
    My parents were shocked when I finally declared a major and found my calling. They’d advised against the job I wanted, citing it would be an impossible field to penetrate because it demanded perfection. I remember telling them, “Perfection can go screw itself! I’m going to get the job I want and do what I love!” They weren’t happy with my decision, but did offer their support.
    I was in the doctor’s office for a check-up when I noticed a handsome guy walk to the counter and ask for a moment of the doctor’s time. I was surprised when he was warmly greeted, shown into an adjacent room, and the doctor stepped out to chat. The guy was a pharmaceutical sales rep and had the respect and attention of the doctor and his staff. He offered to set up a luncheon to come in and talk about a new drug they were carrying and the rest was history.
    I liked the idea of being looked up to and getting the reverence I deserved. I wanted to walk into an office and be treated with kindness. I had the gift of gab and being able to talk to pretty much anyone. It wasn’t until later, after digging into some research that I realized most of the reps were hired based on their physical appearance. But I wouldn’t let that stop me. I was smoking hot in appearance, just one small flaw; I was missing a hand. Maybe I could be the first to break down some of the stereotypical barriers.
    I thought writing all this out would show me the answer to one problem, but now I have two. I question whether I have my job based on my abilities, knowledge, and drive, or if I was hired because I’m Laurel’s cousin, since Garrett owns the company I work for. I already knew this was a problem, but it’s resurfacing more, forcing me to find a solution. Maybe Jonathan can help me figure out a way to talk to Garrett and put my mind at ease. In one sense I want to know, but not if I find out I was only given special favor because of my cousin.
    My other problem lies with my inability to handle