that first lunch any initial reservations she had regarding his perceived arrogance and ego evaporated. He single handily restored her confidence in men.
In Max, she found a genuine, sensitive, assured and proud man. His appearance secured the deal. She was sold. For the first time ever she could identify with the love songs and films she had listened to and watched. Now they had true meaning, she knew without a doubt what all the fuss was about. Gabrielle was in love and her gut told her that she had found her soul mate. Her mother had always said when you meet the right one you will know, she was right on this point, because when Gabrielle was with Max she just knew. All that had gone before was simply childâs play and she thanked God for being jilted, for her fatherâs shortbread and the effectiveness of his whole host of male disposal efforts.
Within months of meeting they were spending every second of their free time together, yet somehow for Gabrielle it never seemed enough. If she had one day off she wanted two, two days she wanted three, going so far as to wish that she could somehow cut herself in half so that she could be with him all the time. The rest of her could carry on with work, visit home and conduct the dreary necessities of life. It was perfect, they were perfect and right then her life was perfect.
Chapter Thirteen
Where there is light and beauty, there is darkness and ugliness. This manifested itself in the form of racism. It continues to stalk my family to this day. Racism manifested itself in many different guises, from the upper and middle class âpoliteâ insult, to casual remarks from colleagues, right through to loud insults from aggressive and blatant strangers. Regardless of its form and the different mouthpieces it exploited, its perpetrators all looked the same. Their indignant faces would be twisted with bitterness; their hatred consumed all their features. They became warped and grotesque, as they regarded Gabrielle and Max with eyes that exhibited the depths of contempt that lurked inside.
When they were dating Gabrielle made light of any causally thrown comments, stares and malevolent remarks. Hours were spent laughing them off or rolling her eyes mockingly. Gabrielle even managed to make Max laugh, mocking their persecutors in secret whispers and sarcasm. Sometimes they even tried to pre-empt the comments, they could almost tell by the individual how their comments were going to form before they had even been uttered.
Despite this, a pattern emerged that would continue for the rest of her life. When she would lie down at night in the restless hours waiting for sleep, her mind would revisit the incidents of that day. She would explore them over and over again, trying to make sense of them, she never succeeded. She would contemplate the nature of those who could do such things. She could never and would never consider these individuals as human. Were these creatures blind? Could they not see the beauty that she saw? The kindness? The generosity of spirit? Gabrielle was always a deep thinker and when unsavoury events occurred she became introverted and would linger on events far longer than any mind could cope with. Perhaps it was this aspect of her personality, the fact that she cared so much that led to her problems in later life.
It was at times when Gabrielle experienced blatant racism that she was ashamed to be white, ashamed to have even the smallest strand of DNA in common with these monstrosities. Thinking back to her youthful views on the American people, she realised that her own people were not any different.
On one occasion Gabrielle and Max had decided to go for a quiet meal and had chosen a popular Belfast eatery. When they walked through the door the hustle and bustle of the busy restaurant instantly stopped, all eyes were on them. The silence that ensued makes me think of a rowdy cowboy in an old western at the moment when he saunters into a saloon bar
In Max, she found a genuine, sensitive, assured and proud man. His appearance secured the deal. She was sold. For the first time ever she could identify with the love songs and films she had listened to and watched. Now they had true meaning, she knew without a doubt what all the fuss was about. Gabrielle was in love and her gut told her that she had found her soul mate. Her mother had always said when you meet the right one you will know, she was right on this point, because when Gabrielle was with Max she just knew. All that had gone before was simply childâs play and she thanked God for being jilted, for her fatherâs shortbread and the effectiveness of his whole host of male disposal efforts.
Within months of meeting they were spending every second of their free time together, yet somehow for Gabrielle it never seemed enough. If she had one day off she wanted two, two days she wanted three, going so far as to wish that she could somehow cut herself in half so that she could be with him all the time. The rest of her could carry on with work, visit home and conduct the dreary necessities of life. It was perfect, they were perfect and right then her life was perfect.
Chapter Thirteen
Where there is light and beauty, there is darkness and ugliness. This manifested itself in the form of racism. It continues to stalk my family to this day. Racism manifested itself in many different guises, from the upper and middle class âpoliteâ insult, to casual remarks from colleagues, right through to loud insults from aggressive and blatant strangers. Regardless of its form and the different mouthpieces it exploited, its perpetrators all looked the same. Their indignant faces would be twisted with bitterness; their hatred consumed all their features. They became warped and grotesque, as they regarded Gabrielle and Max with eyes that exhibited the depths of contempt that lurked inside.
When they were dating Gabrielle made light of any causally thrown comments, stares and malevolent remarks. Hours were spent laughing them off or rolling her eyes mockingly. Gabrielle even managed to make Max laugh, mocking their persecutors in secret whispers and sarcasm. Sometimes they even tried to pre-empt the comments, they could almost tell by the individual how their comments were going to form before they had even been uttered.
Despite this, a pattern emerged that would continue for the rest of her life. When she would lie down at night in the restless hours waiting for sleep, her mind would revisit the incidents of that day. She would explore them over and over again, trying to make sense of them, she never succeeded. She would contemplate the nature of those who could do such things. She could never and would never consider these individuals as human. Were these creatures blind? Could they not see the beauty that she saw? The kindness? The generosity of spirit? Gabrielle was always a deep thinker and when unsavoury events occurred she became introverted and would linger on events far longer than any mind could cope with. Perhaps it was this aspect of her personality, the fact that she cared so much that led to her problems in later life.
It was at times when Gabrielle experienced blatant racism that she was ashamed to be white, ashamed to have even the smallest strand of DNA in common with these monstrosities. Thinking back to her youthful views on the American people, she realised that her own people were not any different.
On one occasion Gabrielle and Max had decided to go for a quiet meal and had chosen a popular Belfast eatery. When they walked through the door the hustle and bustle of the busy restaurant instantly stopped, all eyes were on them. The silence that ensued makes me think of a rowdy cowboy in an old western at the moment when he saunters into a saloon bar
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