understanding, or frustrated to my constant interruptions.
“That’s just it, Grant, you don’t.” Everything in her body turns defensive. “You’d never understand,” she continues and as much as I wish things were different, it tells me again, I know that I’m not the one for her.
“Jessa, just stop. You want to stay with Rob, stay with him but please let’s just stop this. Maybe we should just stay away from each other. The last thing I want is to interfere.” When actually, I’m so terrified to push her.
As much as I want to beg her to be mine, I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her. “I know…it’s…complicated,” her words trail off, and having no other choice, I nod in agreement.
As though Dr. Lincoln knows exactly the spot Jessa and I are in, I hear her heels click down the steps of the lecture hall. “Okay, class. Today’s discussion is ‘ Love in the Workplace’.” I let out an exasperated breath, unsure if I can handle a lecture regarding forbidden love when mine is sitting right next to me. My eyes shift her way and hers to mine. Even though, we just had a deep conversation and decided we will keep our distance from each other, we smirk at one another.
There’s that fucking connection again. No words necessary to know what the other one is thinking. Abruptly, I turn my attention to Dr. Lincoln, unable to share those moments with Jessa any longer. If I’m going to try to move ahead, I probably need to stop being near her, and I definitely won’t be able to touch her. Not even an arm brush between us. As much as I wish we could be friends, I don’t think it’s possible at this point.
Jessa
My mind races as I’m leaving the lecture hall. Pulling my gloves and hat on, I watch Grant’s large frame walk quickly in the other direction. How can your heart and mind be in two more different places? My heart screams for Grant every time we’re around each other, but my mind won’t let me take the step. Make that a giant leap.
The thing that scares me the most is that he doesn’t truly want it. I can feel his desire for me throughout my whole body when he’s near, but then he pulls back just as fast. Then again, the last thing I want is to stay with Rob just for the sake of having someone. I’m stronger than that and I know it.
Before Jason, I wouldn’t have thought twice about breaking things off with Rob and running toward Grant. Fuck Jason for making me doubt my self-worth. My therapist’s words ring in my head from my last session: ‘You have to live again, Jessa. Go, and be happy. You’ve done the work, now reap the reward.’ Dr. Hinkle was the one who convinced me to leave Boulder and start fresh somewhere else. And that’s exactly what I did last semester.
When I first met Rob, I was scared out of my mind, but I pushed forward like Dr. Hinkle said and let him in. Things were so great…at first. He took me home for Thanksgiving and it felt as though we were really going somewhere. That he could be the one and we’d fall in love and live happily ever after. Then he and his band agreed to play Grant’s fraternity party and our relationship started to shift. Dates stopped, the swooning disappeared, and suddenly, I’m being rushed through drive-thru windows to eat and propped up against anything but a bed to fuck.
What the hell is wrong with me? As though the storm clouds have unexpectedly parted in my mind, it dawns on me. Regardless of Grant, I need to get rid of Rob. He’s not the one, and if I feel this strongly for someone else while we’re together, he can’t really be the love of my life.
Sadie and I are sitting downstairs with the boys while they play, which has been a common occurrence since we moved in. Dex, Trey, and Brady sit in the recording area behind the glass, while she and I gossip about some reality television show she recently got me addicted to watching. Some wonderful guy gets to take a bunch of girls on once-in-a-lifetime dates,
“That’s just it, Grant, you don’t.” Everything in her body turns defensive. “You’d never understand,” she continues and as much as I wish things were different, it tells me again, I know that I’m not the one for her.
“Jessa, just stop. You want to stay with Rob, stay with him but please let’s just stop this. Maybe we should just stay away from each other. The last thing I want is to interfere.” When actually, I’m so terrified to push her.
As much as I want to beg her to be mine, I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her. “I know…it’s…complicated,” her words trail off, and having no other choice, I nod in agreement.
As though Dr. Lincoln knows exactly the spot Jessa and I are in, I hear her heels click down the steps of the lecture hall. “Okay, class. Today’s discussion is ‘ Love in the Workplace’.” I let out an exasperated breath, unsure if I can handle a lecture regarding forbidden love when mine is sitting right next to me. My eyes shift her way and hers to mine. Even though, we just had a deep conversation and decided we will keep our distance from each other, we smirk at one another.
There’s that fucking connection again. No words necessary to know what the other one is thinking. Abruptly, I turn my attention to Dr. Lincoln, unable to share those moments with Jessa any longer. If I’m going to try to move ahead, I probably need to stop being near her, and I definitely won’t be able to touch her. Not even an arm brush between us. As much as I wish we could be friends, I don’t think it’s possible at this point.
Jessa
My mind races as I’m leaving the lecture hall. Pulling my gloves and hat on, I watch Grant’s large frame walk quickly in the other direction. How can your heart and mind be in two more different places? My heart screams for Grant every time we’re around each other, but my mind won’t let me take the step. Make that a giant leap.
The thing that scares me the most is that he doesn’t truly want it. I can feel his desire for me throughout my whole body when he’s near, but then he pulls back just as fast. Then again, the last thing I want is to stay with Rob just for the sake of having someone. I’m stronger than that and I know it.
Before Jason, I wouldn’t have thought twice about breaking things off with Rob and running toward Grant. Fuck Jason for making me doubt my self-worth. My therapist’s words ring in my head from my last session: ‘You have to live again, Jessa. Go, and be happy. You’ve done the work, now reap the reward.’ Dr. Hinkle was the one who convinced me to leave Boulder and start fresh somewhere else. And that’s exactly what I did last semester.
When I first met Rob, I was scared out of my mind, but I pushed forward like Dr. Hinkle said and let him in. Things were so great…at first. He took me home for Thanksgiving and it felt as though we were really going somewhere. That he could be the one and we’d fall in love and live happily ever after. Then he and his band agreed to play Grant’s fraternity party and our relationship started to shift. Dates stopped, the swooning disappeared, and suddenly, I’m being rushed through drive-thru windows to eat and propped up against anything but a bed to fuck.
What the hell is wrong with me? As though the storm clouds have unexpectedly parted in my mind, it dawns on me. Regardless of Grant, I need to get rid of Rob. He’s not the one, and if I feel this strongly for someone else while we’re together, he can’t really be the love of my life.
Sadie and I are sitting downstairs with the boys while they play, which has been a common occurrence since we moved in. Dex, Trey, and Brady sit in the recording area behind the glass, while she and I gossip about some reality television show she recently got me addicted to watching. Some wonderful guy gets to take a bunch of girls on once-in-a-lifetime dates,
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