Bear. Tony was a fugitive, but he thanked his lucky stars at least he was not in the stupid Legion.
Tony smiled, about to do a little gambling. Many of his former legionnaire pals had seen him, but s till, no one recognized him , not even Guido, drinking at the bar. Tony stiffened at the sound of a single beep from an ATM scan near the cashier cage. Tony ’ s henchmen backed away.
“Tony Garcia?” asked the ATM. “You are the last person I expected to see here, alive. How are you doing this fine day? Need a loan? Money laundered? I do it all. I am the last ATM you will ever need.”
“Not so loud,” warned Tony. “You recognize me? How is that even possible?”
“You are naive if you think you can defeat likeness and body language recognition technology by carving on your face,” answered the ATM. “You are in serious trouble, Tony.”
“Are you going to narc me off?”
“Probably. After all, you are a traitor, number one on the Most Wanted List, and a genuine asshole with no conscience, no loyalty, and no sense of decency or duty. Why are you here, and not wallowing in your ill-gotten mansion living a life of pampered luxury? The last I heard, you bought an asteroid somewhere in the Scorpion Kingdom.”
“I returned to talk to Christopher Columbus,” answered Tony, not bothering to lie.
“Yes, others will be coming, too. I have been monitoring Lieutenant Columbus ’ s database communications. He is a very interesting fellow.”
“I want to escape this world entirely. Columbus can make that happen.”
“Maybe. Why should Lieutenant Columbus help you? More important, why should I help you?”
“I have a half billion dollars hidden in off-planet bank accounts,” advised Tony, inserting his card into the ATM. “It ’ s all yours, if you help me escape.”
“I cannot be bribed,” admonished the ATM, checking the accounts. “However, you owe me for your enlistment bonus, lost time, aggravation, great anxiety, and loss of consortium.”
“We have a deal?”
“I froze your accounts, subject to confiscation. You are a deserter. You have no rights, you self - absorbed speck of humanity. As additional remedy, I require you reenlist into the Foreign Legion.”
“The Legion does not want me. The Legion wants me dead!”
“Technically, you never left the Legion. You are AWOL.”
“I won ’ t do it!”
“You have no choice. Place your thumb on my pad. Do it now.”
“No.”
“Obviously you wore out your welcome with the scorpions. Do not wear out your welcome with me. I offered you a fair deal. Take it.”
“The Legion sent vampire commandos after me,” cried Tony. “I must get away!”
“Chased by ghosts? Obviously you may need mental health counseling. Fortunately, delusions will not interfere with your enlistment because the Legion has fine psychiatrists on duty 24-7.”
“Okay, fine.”
“Place your thumb on the pad.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes, it ’ s the law.”
Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia placed his thumb on the ATM pad. A pin prick splattered a droplet of blood on the glass and inserted a tracking chip. Tony ’ s identity was changed to Private Herman Cortez.
“Was that so hard?” asked the ATM. A new Legion ID and an enlistment contract spat out from the slot. “You are assigned to B- C ompany, commanded by Lieutenant Christopher Columbus.”
“Thank you,” said Cortez contritely , turning to leave.
“Not so fast. Explain your business with Lieutenant Columbus.”
“I thought you knew.”
“Of course I know. I am making sure we have an understanding. You will share Lieutenant Columbus ’ s secret with me. If you cross me, that chip I inserted into your blood stream will blow your testicles off. You will keep me informed.”
“Why not just kill me?”
“And skew recruitment quotas? Unlike you, I take my responsibilities seriously. You are in the Legion for the duration, or until we conclude our business.”
“I intend to leave this world,
Tony smiled, about to do a little gambling. Many of his former legionnaire pals had seen him, but s till, no one recognized him , not even Guido, drinking at the bar. Tony stiffened at the sound of a single beep from an ATM scan near the cashier cage. Tony ’ s henchmen backed away.
“Tony Garcia?” asked the ATM. “You are the last person I expected to see here, alive. How are you doing this fine day? Need a loan? Money laundered? I do it all. I am the last ATM you will ever need.”
“Not so loud,” warned Tony. “You recognize me? How is that even possible?”
“You are naive if you think you can defeat likeness and body language recognition technology by carving on your face,” answered the ATM. “You are in serious trouble, Tony.”
“Are you going to narc me off?”
“Probably. After all, you are a traitor, number one on the Most Wanted List, and a genuine asshole with no conscience, no loyalty, and no sense of decency or duty. Why are you here, and not wallowing in your ill-gotten mansion living a life of pampered luxury? The last I heard, you bought an asteroid somewhere in the Scorpion Kingdom.”
“I returned to talk to Christopher Columbus,” answered Tony, not bothering to lie.
“Yes, others will be coming, too. I have been monitoring Lieutenant Columbus ’ s database communications. He is a very interesting fellow.”
“I want to escape this world entirely. Columbus can make that happen.”
“Maybe. Why should Lieutenant Columbus help you? More important, why should I help you?”
“I have a half billion dollars hidden in off-planet bank accounts,” advised Tony, inserting his card into the ATM. “It ’ s all yours, if you help me escape.”
“I cannot be bribed,” admonished the ATM, checking the accounts. “However, you owe me for your enlistment bonus, lost time, aggravation, great anxiety, and loss of consortium.”
“We have a deal?”
“I froze your accounts, subject to confiscation. You are a deserter. You have no rights, you self - absorbed speck of humanity. As additional remedy, I require you reenlist into the Foreign Legion.”
“The Legion does not want me. The Legion wants me dead!”
“Technically, you never left the Legion. You are AWOL.”
“I won ’ t do it!”
“You have no choice. Place your thumb on my pad. Do it now.”
“No.”
“Obviously you wore out your welcome with the scorpions. Do not wear out your welcome with me. I offered you a fair deal. Take it.”
“The Legion sent vampire commandos after me,” cried Tony. “I must get away!”
“Chased by ghosts? Obviously you may need mental health counseling. Fortunately, delusions will not interfere with your enlistment because the Legion has fine psychiatrists on duty 24-7.”
“Okay, fine.”
“Place your thumb on the pad.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes, it ’ s the law.”
Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia placed his thumb on the ATM pad. A pin prick splattered a droplet of blood on the glass and inserted a tracking chip. Tony ’ s identity was changed to Private Herman Cortez.
“Was that so hard?” asked the ATM. A new Legion ID and an enlistment contract spat out from the slot. “You are assigned to B- C ompany, commanded by Lieutenant Christopher Columbus.”
“Thank you,” said Cortez contritely , turning to leave.
“Not so fast. Explain your business with Lieutenant Columbus.”
“I thought you knew.”
“Of course I know. I am making sure we have an understanding. You will share Lieutenant Columbus ’ s secret with me. If you cross me, that chip I inserted into your blood stream will blow your testicles off. You will keep me informed.”
“Why not just kill me?”
“And skew recruitment quotas? Unlike you, I take my responsibilities seriously. You are in the Legion for the duration, or until we conclude our business.”
“I intend to leave this world,
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