off the assault vehicle ’ s sloped metal plating. A second missile went wide, harmlessly splashing in the lake. Machine guns viciously raked the spider monster. “Godzilla!” someone yelled.
Strong mechanical claws grabbed Smokey ’ s statue, ripping it from its foundation, and triumphantly waved poor Smokey back and forth for all to see. The atrocity was recorded on helmet cameras and broadcast across the galaxy on the database.
“Cease fire!” ordered Major Desert-Sting of the Scorpion National Guard, fearing damage to the now hostage Smokey.
We watched helplessly as the mechanical spider slipped back under Monica Lake.
“Those bastards!” I shouted, shaking my fist. “To do this at the height of the tourist season shows their barbarian nature! Smokey will be avenged!”
Due to heightened tension along the border, I assigned Lieutenant Columbus and his company of legionnaires to patrol the strategic heights west of Monica Lake. Captain Percy ’ s sessions seemed to have positive results. I hoped so, because Columbus ’ s duck-counting vacation was over. I needed all my men in the field, ready for combat.
* * * * *
Private Shaky Jake went over to the Dark Side, licking the skin of the dead giant newt. Hargundu, already on the Dark Side, followed suit. The psychedelic effect of the newt ’ s psychoactive hallucinogenic tryptamines was immediate.
“I hereby found the Church of the Holy Newt of Light!” announced Shaky Jake to a growing crowd of human and scorpion prospectors on the beach. “I can fly! You can too!”
A scorpion took a tentative lick of the newt. So did an already drunk human passerby. Hargundu ran off to have sex with the baby buffalo statue.
“What a rush!” exclaimed the scorpion prospector. “It is true. The newt can get you high for free!”
Other scorpions gathered, touching the prospector, making a chemical bond. Word quickly spread. Scorpions swarmed the newt, licking, then eating it. Soon the beach was littered with hallucinating scorpions and one human drunk.
The incident was recorded by personal communication devices, and instantly broadcast across the Galactic Database. Soon, pilgrims of the Church of the Holy Newt of Light flocked to Monica Lake, hoping to touch their leader, Shaky Jake, and to lick the giant newt. When Shaky Jake woke hung over in the morning, he remembered nothing.
back to Table of Contents
Chapter 7
Lieutenant Columbus walked the fence line with Sergeant Williams, inspecting guard posts. On the surface, Lieutenant Columbus maintained calm, but he was conflicted. Could the world as we know it really be flat? Database research showed many, even leading scientists, believe that yes, the world, even the galaxy, is indeed flat. Fools! Such nonsense goes against all evidence. Lieutenant Columbus made database inquiries, but got no satisfaction.
* * * * *
Unfortunately, Lieutenant Columbus ’ s inquiries created a controversy, attracting the attention of database surfers. ‘ Who was this Christopher Columbus with new evidence the world might be flat ? ’ Already inquiring minds were landing on New Colorado to seek out Lieutenant Columbus, not the least of which was the notorious Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia.
Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia, a Most Wanted fugitive and Legion deserter, was accused of treason for stealing a secret stealth space ship and delivering its technology to the Scorpion Kingdom. All legionnaires swore an oath to kill Garcia on sight.
Garcia had been granted refuge on a small asteroid deep inside the Scorpion Kingdom. However, diplomatic efforts and harassing Legion commando raids forced Garcia to seek safety elsewhere. He returned to New Colorado seeking Christopher Columbus ’ s secret.
Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia entered Smokey ’ s Casino, confident of his plastic surgery disguise. The place was abuzz with stories of recent fighting with the spiders over a stolen s tatue of Smokey the
Strong mechanical claws grabbed Smokey ’ s statue, ripping it from its foundation, and triumphantly waved poor Smokey back and forth for all to see. The atrocity was recorded on helmet cameras and broadcast across the galaxy on the database.
“Cease fire!” ordered Major Desert-Sting of the Scorpion National Guard, fearing damage to the now hostage Smokey.
We watched helplessly as the mechanical spider slipped back under Monica Lake.
“Those bastards!” I shouted, shaking my fist. “To do this at the height of the tourist season shows their barbarian nature! Smokey will be avenged!”
Due to heightened tension along the border, I assigned Lieutenant Columbus and his company of legionnaires to patrol the strategic heights west of Monica Lake. Captain Percy ’ s sessions seemed to have positive results. I hoped so, because Columbus ’ s duck-counting vacation was over. I needed all my men in the field, ready for combat.
* * * * *
Private Shaky Jake went over to the Dark Side, licking the skin of the dead giant newt. Hargundu, already on the Dark Side, followed suit. The psychedelic effect of the newt ’ s psychoactive hallucinogenic tryptamines was immediate.
“I hereby found the Church of the Holy Newt of Light!” announced Shaky Jake to a growing crowd of human and scorpion prospectors on the beach. “I can fly! You can too!”
A scorpion took a tentative lick of the newt. So did an already drunk human passerby. Hargundu ran off to have sex with the baby buffalo statue.
“What a rush!” exclaimed the scorpion prospector. “It is true. The newt can get you high for free!”
Other scorpions gathered, touching the prospector, making a chemical bond. Word quickly spread. Scorpions swarmed the newt, licking, then eating it. Soon the beach was littered with hallucinating scorpions and one human drunk.
The incident was recorded by personal communication devices, and instantly broadcast across the Galactic Database. Soon, pilgrims of the Church of the Holy Newt of Light flocked to Monica Lake, hoping to touch their leader, Shaky Jake, and to lick the giant newt. When Shaky Jake woke hung over in the morning, he remembered nothing.
back to Table of Contents
Chapter 7
Lieutenant Columbus walked the fence line with Sergeant Williams, inspecting guard posts. On the surface, Lieutenant Columbus maintained calm, but he was conflicted. Could the world as we know it really be flat? Database research showed many, even leading scientists, believe that yes, the world, even the galaxy, is indeed flat. Fools! Such nonsense goes against all evidence. Lieutenant Columbus made database inquiries, but got no satisfaction.
* * * * *
Unfortunately, Lieutenant Columbus ’ s inquiries created a controversy, attracting the attention of database surfers. ‘ Who was this Christopher Columbus with new evidence the world might be flat ? ’ Already inquiring minds were landing on New Colorado to seek out Lieutenant Columbus, not the least of which was the notorious Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia.
Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia, a Most Wanted fugitive and Legion deserter, was accused of treason for stealing a secret stealth space ship and delivering its technology to the Scorpion Kingdom. All legionnaires swore an oath to kill Garcia on sight.
Garcia had been granted refuge on a small asteroid deep inside the Scorpion Kingdom. However, diplomatic efforts and harassing Legion commando raids forced Garcia to seek safety elsewhere. He returned to New Colorado seeking Christopher Columbus ’ s secret.
Tony ‘ The Toe ’ Garcia entered Smokey ’ s Casino, confident of his plastic surgery disguise. The place was abuzz with stories of recent fighting with the spiders over a stolen s tatue of Smokey the
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