Lily Alone by Jacqueline Wilson Page A

don’t want a soppy costume,’ said Baxter, disgusted.
    â€˜No, my little man, I’m going to get you a toy bull, a great big black bull, and you can be the bullfighter,’ said Mum.
    â€˜Oh yes ! A really fierce bull with horns, but I won’t be afraid of it, will I?’
    â€˜You’re not afraid of anything, my Baxie. Now you be a good boy for Mikey, and don’t tease your sisters, you hear me? Bliss, you speak up for yourself if you want anything, and Mikey will do his best. Pixie, don’t be a little pickle, you be a very, very good girl.’ She kissed each of them and then threw her arms round me. ‘I’ll be back soon, Lily, I swear I will.’
    Then she picked up her case and ran for it, out of the door. She didn’t even give me a proper kiss. She was just suddenly gone. We heard her heels tap-tapping along the balcony.
    Baxter and Bliss and Pixie all looked at me. It was as if they’d only just realized what was happening.
    â€˜Mum come back in a minute?’ said Pixie.
    â€˜No, she’s gone for a week now, nearly,’ I said.
    Pixie’s bottom lip quivered. ‘No, in a minute,’ she said.
    â€˜Where’s Dad then?’ said Baxter, looking around as if he was hiding in a cupboard somewhere.
    â€˜He’ll come when he gets Mum’s message,’ I said, my stomach churning.
    â€˜He won’t bring his dog, will he?’ said Bliss.
    â€˜I don’t know.’
    â€˜Mum in a minute!’ Pixie shouted at the top of her voice, over and over, as if she could make it come true if she said it enough times.
    â€˜Shut up , Pixie,’ I said, picking her up, but she went on bellowing right in my face.
    â€˜Why isn’t Dad coming yet?’ Baxter asked, kicking the table leg.
    â€˜Why did Mum go without us?’ Bliss said.
    â€˜ I don’t know! ’ I shouted, startling them all. Even Pixie was shocked into silence.
    They all looked near tears, even Baxter. For a moment I hated all three of them. I wanted to shout and question and cry. I felt like sinking to my knees and howling like a baby. But I couldn’t. I was the eldest. I had to look after them.
    â€˜Come on, you sillies. Let’s – let’s all do drawing. I’ll give you each a page of my lovely new drawing pad, OK? Baxter, you can draw a big scary bull. Bliss, you can draw yourself dancing in a blue frilly dress with those clapper things in your hands – castanets. And Pixie, I’ll help you draw – you can use my best crayons, OK? And while we’re drawing we’ll all have a bit of chocolate, Mum’s got some in the cupboard.’
    I got them all sitting up at the kitchen table drawing, great lumps of chocolate stoppering their mouths. Pixie drooled all down her chin as she scribbled.
    I’d done it. I’d got them all happy and distracted for the third evening in a row. I tried to join in, drawing a whole troupe of Spanish dancers, but their legs wouldn’t go right, kicking out at odd angles, while the chocolate covered my teeth and tongue in brown slime.

I kept picturing Mum in my head, meeting up with this Gordon, going off with him on the train to the airport, waiting for her flight. If I was thinking of her, why wasn’t she thinking of me? Why didn’t she suddenly think, Oh my God, I can’t leave Lily and Baxter and Bliss and Pixie – I especially can’t leave them with Mikey . Then surely she’d say to Gordon, No, I’m sorry, I love you very much (though she’s only known him three days) but I love my kids more, I have to go back.
    I made chicken sandwiches for our tea, then found the little piece of wishbone and held it in my fist, wishing all over again. I imagined Mum suddenly rushing to get the train back. I went through every stage of the journey with her. It was so real inside my head that I almost heard her heels tap-tapping back along the balcony.
    But she