Lily: Captive to the Dark by Alaska Angelini Page B

flashed down to my cleavage, pulling my own devilish smile. When our gazes met again, there was no embarrassment on either of our behalf.
    “You’re more than beautiful. Fuck, Lily. I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long now. I’ve wanted this for so long.” He swallowed, taking a deep breath. “Your brother is going to kill me before it’s over with. I’m not sure I can keep my hands to myself.”
    “You will if I tell you to.”
    “Yeah?” He rested his arms on the table, moving closer. We were less than a foot apart and I couldn’t help but suddenly want to close the distance. What in the hell was happening to me? How had I gone from prude to promiscuous in the matter of a few short hours? Guilt over my Master had my arousal extinguishing.
    “Yes. He can’t kill you if you’re not the one initiating, now can he?” I leaned back, grabbing my glass again and taking a sip. Still, Alec stayed transfixed on me. Slow down, Lily. You’re obviously not in your right mind. It had to be seeing someone who reminded you of Master. You’re jumping the gun to block him out. This isn’t the way.
    “No, I guess he can’t. Are you going to tie me up so I have an excuse?”
    I laughed, while at the same time, my stomach turned. “Tie you up, bind you, maybe break out my handcuffs. Whatever I feel in the moment.” My eyes took in the surroundings. Everyone seemed to be in their own little world. An inexplicable warning bell rang in my mind even as my mouth opened to speak.
    “Go to the restroom. Wait for me outside of the stall of your choice. Don’t ask questions. Don’t say a word. Just…obey.”
    My heart thudded hard against my thickened throat. I wasn’t sure what reigned supreme, the thrill, or the sick feeling from the unstableness inside of me. Fuck, I was cracking inside. I could feel myself becoming someone I didn’t know. Someone I didn’t want to be. Still, I continued to follow through with my spontaneity.
    “Lily…” Alec shifted and looked around. My hand rose and I closed my eyes.
    “Go, if you’re inclined. If you’re not,” my eyes opened, “then I bid you goodnight.”
    Something passed over his face. An emotion I couldn’t understand. Slowly, he rose and didn’t once turn back to me as he headed for the restrooms at the far end. I picked up my glass, downing the rest of the Scotch. My face turned toward the window and I could almost feel the broken pieces inside of me racing throughout my body. How much longer could I go on before I shattered? Why did I want to find out?
    Master. The internal sob nearly brought tears pooling in my eyes. What was I waiting for? Someone to rush in and save me before I possibly made the biggest mistake of my life? No…wait, I’d already done that when I followed Bethany out of the nightclub. So, mistake number two? This one I could prevent, yet I didn’t want to. I wanted to be rescued. Proof that I wasn’t as alone as I felt. But I knew the hero I wanted wasn’t going to show up to kiss me back into submission. I was on my own.
    I stood, pushing my palms against the table. The dimness of the restaurant drove me to the back. It was so close to the lighting of Master’s room. It was always dark in there, just like we were. But the best parts came when the sun went down. Pleasure was always found in the shadows of night. It was my favorite time. I could walk around in the pitch black as calm as if it were day. Maybe I was craving danger like I’d once been exposed to. The level of adrenaline always pumping through my body didn’t compare anymore. Master. Was it possible my transition had to do with me holding on to the only piece of him I could bring to life? Dominance. Power. Control. Yes, I’d been grasping at anything that could make me strong or remind me of him this whole time. Here I was, about to commit the ultimate betrayal and sin, and it was all due to the god I saw him as in my mind. Desperation could make the strongest souls weak.