Lily of the Valley by Sarah Daltry Page A

away?”
    “Cheap shot,” she says.
    “Well? It’s true, isn’t it?”
    “I don’t know. It hurts, though, you know.”
    “Stop making this something it isn’t. You’ve dated. I’ve dated.”
    “You don’t date. You fuck.”
    “Fine. But I’ve fucked other girls. I’ve fucked other girls with you in the room for fuck’s sake.”
    “Yup. But you always wanted me. Now, you want someone else.”
    “Alana, please come over here. Please.”
    “Maybe tomorrow.”
    “Tonight. Please?” I’m begging, but the thought of her leaving, of losing her, of being alone – it makes me want to die. “You’re killing me.”
    “Don’t say things like that.”
    “Why the fuck not? You’re making me want to die.”
    “Because I won’t suck your dick? You’re going to kill yourself because I won’t suck your dick? Fuck you, Jack. I’m not listening to this shit. If you’re serious, I’m there, but don’t play that fucking card. Don’t you ever play that card. You know what I went through last time.”
    “I wasn’t playing any card. That’s not what I meant. Please. Come over. I won’t even touch you. I promise.”
    She’s quiet for a minute. “Fine. But jerk off first or something.”
    “You’re always so sweet.”
    “Fuck off.” She hangs up, but I know she’ll be here within the half hour. I don’t jerk off, because I don’t need to see Alana just for sex. In fact, I’m okay with simply being around her right now.
    I decide to get something to eat while I wait. My grandmother is making cookies, which seems strange, since she never does things like this.
    “Cookies?”
    “I missed you.”
    “So you made cookies?” I laugh, caught off guard.
    “Can you sit for a second?” She grows serious, and I worry. The cookies aren’t just cookies. They’re a warning, a bribe for something. I sit, but I choose the chair by the door so I can storm out if needed. As soon as she speaks, it appears to be needed.
    “We have to visit your father this weekend. They won’t even hear his case unless he tries with you.”
    “Good.”
    “I need you to do this, Jack. You can decide when. I didn’t want to force it tonight, but you have to go. Please don’t make this worse.”
    I know she’s been fighting to help him get into this rehabilitation program. It’s been her primary focus since he went in, but it was always an elusive concept, not a reality.
    Do I think my father can be rehabilitated? No. I don’t. I don’t think people can be fixed after a certain point. Do I think he’s a risk to the average person? No, I don’t think that, either. But I don’t want him to take the easy way out. He did what he did and he deserves the fallout. Why should I face it alone? Regardless of where he ends up, I don’t get a chance at rehabilitation.
    “Why? Why are you pushing this?” I ask.
    “Because he’s your father. You need your father.”
    “If he cared about that, he would be here, wouldn’t he?”
    I leave the room, without cookies, and I don’t know what to do with my emotions. I open my paper bag and start drinking. It’s half gone when Alana arrives and I’m nearly drunk.
    “Stupid,” she says and closes my bedroom door.
    “Fuck you. Fuck her. Fuck all of it.”
    I collapse back on the bed and Alana takes the bottle. She starts cleaning my room, which is so degrading, but I don’t want to do it, so whatever. I don’t realize the lyrics are still on my nightstand until she picks them up and starts reading.
    “’In the essence of a moment/in the flicker of a kiss/your eyes brought me to the edge/and there was only you to miss.’ What’s this sappy shit?”
    I sit up and grab the notepad from her hand, ripping the lyrics up and tossing the shreds into my wastebasket. “It’s nothing.”
    “Is that what you want?”
    “Is what what I want?” I fall back onto the bed, but only after reaching for the booze. She takes the bottle away from me and sits.
    “Do you want to be in love