with me in my car.”
“Really?”
“Really. Of course I’m staying.”
“You’d do that for me Gracie? Stay here?” Ruby asked. “I know it’s gotta be rough for you to be back for the first time since…”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Anyway, this is Rapid City, not Meager. There’s no reason for me to go back there, is there?”
Ruby let out a whoop, and her arms flew around my neck.
“I’ll leave you two. I’ve got to get to work.” Alex bent over Ruby and kissed her slowly, his hand stroked her face. “Love you, Rube,” he murmured.
“Love you too, baby,” said Ruby. Alex clicked the door shut behind him.
I shuffled through my bag to look for the packet of gum I had bought the day before at a truck stop.
Ruby let out a heavy sigh. “Amazing isn’t it?”
“What’s that?”
“You’d think it would have been HIV that would be the end of me, what with all the crazy shit I’ve pulled. But nope, it was Momma’s revenge that sank its teeth into me instead.”
My eyes shot up at her. “What are you talking about?”
“The cancer, Grace. Mom’s DNA sucks. Aunt Jessie died of ovarian, Aunt Lucy had stomach or something nasty like that, and Mommy Dearest had pancreatic cancer.”
“What?”
“You didn’t need to know back then. You had enough to deal with,” Ruby said. “That’s probably what made her extra crazy the last couple of years. Her looming death sentence.” Ruby’s head dropped back onto the pillow, and she let out a sigh. “Whatever.”
I tossed my bag to the end of her bed and leaned over her, my hands planted in the mattress at her sides. “Listen to me, Ruby. You are going to beat this thing. Stop it in its tracks. All of us are in this together: you, me, Alex, and Jakey.”
Ruby only let out a sob. I winced at the raw sound. “That’s what I think of all the time, Gracie.” Her voice was small, raspy. “I can’t leave my baby behind. He’s everything. I love being his mommy.” Her weary eyes filled with water again. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it hard. “Me getting pregnant was a total surprise, a complete gift,” she said. “God can’t take that away from me now. He just can’t.”
A knife ripped through my chest and tore through my heart.
Ruby sat up a bit. “I’m sorry, so sorry, sweetie,” she said. “I don’t mean… you know I didn’t…”
“I know, honey.” The tears finally spilled from my eyes. I had been holding onto them since I had left Seattle. Ruby wiped at my skin with her cold fingers.
“I want to live this life I managed to patch together,” Ruby said. “It’s a good one, Gracie. Alex and I have been really happy. I never knew what that was before. I didn’t know I could have that. You did though. You had that.”
“I want that for you,” I said. My voice hitched in the back of my throat. “You deserve it. And you’re going to keep it. You got to hold on with everything you’ve got. Everything. Every damned thing.”
Ruby nodded and bit her lip. I buried my face in her neck. Her fingers smoothed down my hair, and she planted a kiss on the top of my head.
My beautiful sister who had always braided and unbraided the strands of her life the way she damn well pleased was suffering the random cruelty of fate in an utterly different way this time. When years ago the club had asked her to take the fall for them, to plead guilty to selling drugs and go to prison, I had verged on the hysterical, but she had eerily taken it in stride.
Ruby had only nodded silently at me when I had told her what Dig wanted and about the club’s pledge to look out for us. She had only stared at me as I stammered it out over the prison visitor’s telephone. My trembling hand had remained glued to the glass between us. This lung cancer was different, though. You couldn’t cut deals with cancer. This was utterly out of our control.
This was hell.
“We’re going to lick this thing, Rube. We are,” I said. “I’m home
“Really?”
“Really. Of course I’m staying.”
“You’d do that for me Gracie? Stay here?” Ruby asked. “I know it’s gotta be rough for you to be back for the first time since…”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Anyway, this is Rapid City, not Meager. There’s no reason for me to go back there, is there?”
Ruby let out a whoop, and her arms flew around my neck.
“I’ll leave you two. I’ve got to get to work.” Alex bent over Ruby and kissed her slowly, his hand stroked her face. “Love you, Rube,” he murmured.
“Love you too, baby,” said Ruby. Alex clicked the door shut behind him.
I shuffled through my bag to look for the packet of gum I had bought the day before at a truck stop.
Ruby let out a heavy sigh. “Amazing isn’t it?”
“What’s that?”
“You’d think it would have been HIV that would be the end of me, what with all the crazy shit I’ve pulled. But nope, it was Momma’s revenge that sank its teeth into me instead.”
My eyes shot up at her. “What are you talking about?”
“The cancer, Grace. Mom’s DNA sucks. Aunt Jessie died of ovarian, Aunt Lucy had stomach or something nasty like that, and Mommy Dearest had pancreatic cancer.”
“What?”
“You didn’t need to know back then. You had enough to deal with,” Ruby said. “That’s probably what made her extra crazy the last couple of years. Her looming death sentence.” Ruby’s head dropped back onto the pillow, and she let out a sigh. “Whatever.”
I tossed my bag to the end of her bed and leaned over her, my hands planted in the mattress at her sides. “Listen to me, Ruby. You are going to beat this thing. Stop it in its tracks. All of us are in this together: you, me, Alex, and Jakey.”
Ruby only let out a sob. I winced at the raw sound. “That’s what I think of all the time, Gracie.” Her voice was small, raspy. “I can’t leave my baby behind. He’s everything. I love being his mommy.” Her weary eyes filled with water again. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it hard. “Me getting pregnant was a total surprise, a complete gift,” she said. “God can’t take that away from me now. He just can’t.”
A knife ripped through my chest and tore through my heart.
Ruby sat up a bit. “I’m sorry, so sorry, sweetie,” she said. “I don’t mean… you know I didn’t…”
“I know, honey.” The tears finally spilled from my eyes. I had been holding onto them since I had left Seattle. Ruby wiped at my skin with her cold fingers.
“I want to live this life I managed to patch together,” Ruby said. “It’s a good one, Gracie. Alex and I have been really happy. I never knew what that was before. I didn’t know I could have that. You did though. You had that.”
“I want that for you,” I said. My voice hitched in the back of my throat. “You deserve it. And you’re going to keep it. You got to hold on with everything you’ve got. Everything. Every damned thing.”
Ruby nodded and bit her lip. I buried my face in her neck. Her fingers smoothed down my hair, and she planted a kiss on the top of my head.
My beautiful sister who had always braided and unbraided the strands of her life the way she damn well pleased was suffering the random cruelty of fate in an utterly different way this time. When years ago the club had asked her to take the fall for them, to plead guilty to selling drugs and go to prison, I had verged on the hysterical, but she had eerily taken it in stride.
Ruby had only nodded silently at me when I had told her what Dig wanted and about the club’s pledge to look out for us. She had only stared at me as I stammered it out over the prison visitor’s telephone. My trembling hand had remained glued to the glass between us. This lung cancer was different, though. You couldn’t cut deals with cancer. This was utterly out of our control.
This was hell.
“We’re going to lick this thing, Rube. We are,” I said. “I’m home
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