grinned through her chewing again. I thought about it a minute. There wasn't much that my band mates didn't know about me. They were my pseudo-family. I said slowly, “My band mates, my friends, think I'm three years older than I am.”
She stopped chewing with a confused look on her face and then swallowed. “How so?”
I shrugged. “I ran away from home when I was fifteen. I found Caroline and her band through a flier at Broken Note. They were looking for a drummer. They took me in. They all took turns letting me crash at their flats the past ten years. They are my real family. Nobody ever came looking for me, and that lent some credence to me telling them I was eighteen and just looked young for my age.”
I stopped and looked down at my sandwich. “God, this is the first time I've ever told anyone I was a runaway. But it is sort of a relief as you said.”
She tilted her head at me, but not in a judging way. “Did you finish secondary school then if you ran away at fifteen?”
I shook my head, feeling a little shame. “No...” Then I quickly defended, “But I did take my GCSEs when I turned sixteen. I passed. I wasn't a bad student so it wasn't all that hard.”
She nodded then smiled and took a more human sized bite of her food. I felt the need to let her know I wasn't a lounge about sponging off of friends. “I have always helped with expenses and am in a program now, the Flotilla Project, to get myself into my own flat soon.”
She tilted her head and had a look of distress on her face as she reached out quickly to grasp my hand. “Hey, there's no need to defend, no need to feel bad. As I said, this is just two strangers sharing, no strings attached. It's like a free ticket to drop some baggage.”
I was acutely aware of her thumb stroking the back of my hand and the heat of her fingers in mine. I almost got lost in her dark eyes and then just nodded slightly. Then she let go of my hand, I could feel the absence of the heat right away and felt sort of alone for some unfathomable reason.
She scooted closer so our knees were touching then she opened her mouth to take a giant bite of pulled pork again and I grinned. “Your turn.”
She chewed and swallowed, looked at me and the sandwich, then stuck her tongue out at me and set the sandwich back on her lap. “Fine.” Then she scrunched up her face in thought. “One thing...” Then she froze and stared at her hand.
She looked up at me and bit her lower lip then inhaled. “Okay. I still have nightmares every night. She looked down at her right side. Everyone thinks they went away a few months after the accident. And I hate that it is still punishing me.”
She flexed her one hand. “It took my joy away from me, my music. My brother's band was mine, I loved being on stage and making music, seeing people having fun listening. But now I get anxious in crowds, anxious around people, scared of sleeping and reliving it all again.”
I nodded at her and cupped her cheek. She sighed and then exhaled. She looked up suddenly with a forced grin. “Let's eat.” I bounced my knees on hers, smiled back, and took a Mei sized bite of sandwich which got her giggling.
We talked throughout the meal, just learning about each other. A useless exercise really since we most probably would never see each other again. I really liked her, liked sharing with her. Part of me was sad. It was nice sharing things with someone, no strings attached. But the more she shared, the more depth she seemed to have to me. I silently wondered if she would be interested in hanging out after today. Plus, she was so bloody cute.
She kept making incidental contact with me. My gaydar was usually fine-tuned, but she was putting off mixed signals, or maybe I was reading more into things than was actually there. I figured nothing ventured, nothing gained as we walked over to listen to a band.
I
She stopped chewing with a confused look on her face and then swallowed. “How so?”
I shrugged. “I ran away from home when I was fifteen. I found Caroline and her band through a flier at Broken Note. They were looking for a drummer. They took me in. They all took turns letting me crash at their flats the past ten years. They are my real family. Nobody ever came looking for me, and that lent some credence to me telling them I was eighteen and just looked young for my age.”
I stopped and looked down at my sandwich. “God, this is the first time I've ever told anyone I was a runaway. But it is sort of a relief as you said.”
She tilted her head at me, but not in a judging way. “Did you finish secondary school then if you ran away at fifteen?”
I shook my head, feeling a little shame. “No...” Then I quickly defended, “But I did take my GCSEs when I turned sixteen. I passed. I wasn't a bad student so it wasn't all that hard.”
She nodded then smiled and took a more human sized bite of her food. I felt the need to let her know I wasn't a lounge about sponging off of friends. “I have always helped with expenses and am in a program now, the Flotilla Project, to get myself into my own flat soon.”
She tilted her head and had a look of distress on her face as she reached out quickly to grasp my hand. “Hey, there's no need to defend, no need to feel bad. As I said, this is just two strangers sharing, no strings attached. It's like a free ticket to drop some baggage.”
I was acutely aware of her thumb stroking the back of my hand and the heat of her fingers in mine. I almost got lost in her dark eyes and then just nodded slightly. Then she let go of my hand, I could feel the absence of the heat right away and felt sort of alone for some unfathomable reason.
She scooted closer so our knees were touching then she opened her mouth to take a giant bite of pulled pork again and I grinned. “Your turn.”
She chewed and swallowed, looked at me and the sandwich, then stuck her tongue out at me and set the sandwich back on her lap. “Fine.” Then she scrunched up her face in thought. “One thing...” Then she froze and stared at her hand.
She looked up at me and bit her lower lip then inhaled. “Okay. I still have nightmares every night. She looked down at her right side. Everyone thinks they went away a few months after the accident. And I hate that it is still punishing me.”
She flexed her one hand. “It took my joy away from me, my music. My brother's band was mine, I loved being on stage and making music, seeing people having fun listening. But now I get anxious in crowds, anxious around people, scared of sleeping and reliving it all again.”
I nodded at her and cupped her cheek. She sighed and then exhaled. She looked up suddenly with a forced grin. “Let's eat.” I bounced my knees on hers, smiled back, and took a Mei sized bite of sandwich which got her giggling.
We talked throughout the meal, just learning about each other. A useless exercise really since we most probably would never see each other again. I really liked her, liked sharing with her. Part of me was sad. It was nice sharing things with someone, no strings attached. But the more she shared, the more depth she seemed to have to me. I silently wondered if she would be interested in hanging out after today. Plus, she was so bloody cute.
She kept making incidental contact with me. My gaydar was usually fine-tuned, but she was putting off mixed signals, or maybe I was reading more into things than was actually there. I figured nothing ventured, nothing gained as we walked over to listen to a band.
I
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